Transfer rumours, Lust and ……………….. Betty Rubble

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

So here we are then, smooth as ever! My second blog post. I can hear Yogi now, “What a mug, he’s gone back for more”.

Posted nice and early this bright and sunny Sunday morning to allow certain ‘factions’ to battle it out for FIRST place. I’ve put Betty in the title because……. well, just because, and it meant I could use an image of her!

I wonder if the telephone lines at the Emirates have been busy this week? That £150m/£100m/£50m (depending on where you get your information) must be burning a hole in Arsènes pocket.  Six  briefcases full of used £50 notes are sitting on his desk, the minders look like Mike Tyson and Lenny McLean and the tea lady has been dusting them several times a day just in case  (not the minders….. the briefcases)

The executive jet is on the tarmac, fuelled and ready to go at a minutes notice. Actually, in Arsènes world, one of bargain basement purchases, it’s a single engine Cessna bought second hand at the Romford aerodrome annual sale.

Transfer rumours have linked us with several players over the past few weeks….. and if you were to believe what some pundits and journos have been saying, then next season the Arsenal will have Griezemam, Costa and Falcao ready to run amok in the Premier League. Fabregas will probably be bought as well, but only to be used in the League cup  and to cover for any injuries. Oh, the madness of the transfer season is upon us! Deep joy. I can imagine Arsenal supporters the world over, getting out of bed at silly o’clock every morning and before having their first cup of coffee or slice of chorizo, they browse the BBC Gossip pages on the internet to see who we’ve bought. I do that, so I can imagine a few others do as well.

Rumours, where do they come from and what purpose do they serve? Well, they generally increase and have more currency during times of uncertainty and doubt (replace “times of uncertainty and doubt” for: “Arsenals transfer window”) and then you get a good picture of what a lot of Gooners experience from late May to early September. We’ve all done it haven’t we…. come on, own up. A little bit of hope, a little bit of, “now he would be a Juicy Lucy signing, can we get him please Mr Wenger”, ..drool drool dribble dribble! Lust and desire emanating from every pore in your body. Wilfried ‘willy’ Boni takes on a whole new meaning! We get a hard on, well, the Goonerettes don’t, they have their own version. Wasn’t there a band called We..       ……….. ahh better not, that would lower the tone of the blog!

2014-05-24 16:21:09

So, returning to rumours, phew! Calm yourself Northbank, get a grip! Right, where was I, oh yeah, something horny, oh no, no, it was rumours, yes, rumours……..for football fans, they serve no actual useful purpose at all, not one incy, teeny weeny little bit. Oh ok, perhaps they do, because don’t we just love reading who we might get this summer. Fantasizing  and lusting over how the team might line up on the first day of the PL, how with those players there is no way we’re not gonna win the title, the CL and the FA Cup, slaughter every team we play against, Mourinho eat your f**king heart out….. that’s what rumours do to us, get us wound up and hopeful …….. but for what, just to be let down, feeling disappointed and frustrated come September. When I was younger we used to call some girls p***k teasers. That’s a transfer rumour, it gets you drooling at the mouth and all excited, a quick feel maybe, even a wet finger, but then it leads to nothing more substantial, leaving you unfulfilled, limp and dribbling into your own underwear.

Lust is an intense attraction to something you desire and is notorious for overriding common sense and intuition in the most sensible of people. It is an altered state of consciousness programmed by a primal urge. Studies have shown that the brain in this state is much like a brain on drugs. So now we can understand why our common sense disappears when we lust after possible transfer targets. No wonder it’s been coined on some blogs as ‘Transfer Porn’.

A rumour by definition is information yet to be proven true or false, it often ends with confirming or disproving facts. But you all knew that anyway, didn’t you? A substantial amount of incorrect data and exaggerated media coverage progresses with alacrity these days and thanks to the internet and twitter feeds, it is instantaneous. The creation and spread of rumours and misinformation, especially in the context of a moral panic, is a well known social process. TV and Radio pundits, sports journalists and blogs often construct explanations to fill in missing information and offer speculative rumours. These rumours then take on a life of their own. Just think back to when you used to play chinese whispers, some details get eliminated, other information becomes highlighted and all the while filtered through the participants selective personalities, biases and situations.

 We don’t know for sure who is spreading the questionable news and writing the twitter feeds, or what makes the experts on Talksport or the BBC so expert. To deal with rumours requires an assessment of the credentials and biases of those who are disseminating the information.  The press ultimately need to sell copy, or on the internet, get hits on their sites. They use rumours within the transfer market to lure you in, they don’t care whether the rumour has substance or not, it’s not in their interests to worry about that, they just need to fill the pages. And if they can’t fill the pages, then damn lies and misinformation will surffice. And we are the mugs who hang on to every word and hope that there may be some substance to the rumour. Getting sucked into the whole merry-go-round.

I know I’m an idiot to go through all the rumours about potential Arsenal signings, I know how the press manipulate us with incorrect and exaggerated data, I know I shouldn’t get caught up in the speculation and hope that we may buy some “super dooper mega footballing acrobatic genius who will score 50 goals in a season sort of bloke”. But like so many, I’m weak, I’m lustful, I’m hopeful and I want my team to have the best possible players available. Therefore, I will sadly continue peeking into the gossip columns despite my better judgement.

I do enjoy the excitement  of doing it though, but as a consequence, I’ll have to accept the let down and disappointment, just like I had to with the girls when I was 16 years old……. dribble dribble! Now where’s my clean underwear!

Right, time for a glass of wine and some chorizo………….. hope you enjoyed your visit. Until the next time.

à bientôt

Note from the management team:  Sunday mornings 9am GMT.  This will be the regular spot for GunnersoreArse. Make a note in your diary…. you know it makes sense.

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31 thoughts on “Transfer rumours, Lust and ……………….. Betty Rubble

  1. Michael….. give me time to get into blogging, then the scandals may arrive. But remember I live in France, sex scandals don’t exist here, they are seen as everyday life and ‘normal’ 🙂

  2. Hi NB69, its exactly noon here in the Loire Valley, so hesitated to say good morning… and of course now it’s good afternoon…. A bit like Arsenal transfer dealing. I agree transfer gossip is porn, but one reads it in case it leads to waking up one day with “Arsenal have announced the acquisition of Real Madrid who are thereby immediately liquidated

    Anyway we all know we need a striker, a CDM, a pacy left sided winger/striker (a mirror image of Theo?), and to replace whoever leaves (GK, RB, CB…..). We can speculate on WHO forever but just the numbers would help a team that ran out of options last season in Feb/March.

    Meantime the sun is shining and – funnily enough – I’m having chorizo (French charcuterie sliced style) for lunch. Driving later so no wine just now but been thinking of the appropriate wine. Rose indeed is good for this style…With cooked Chorizo and beans (I think a Northern Spanish dish, called Fabada in Asturias, implying a wine from near there Mencia?)) I’d be inclined to go for a Spanish Monastrell from Jumilla, not very expensive – but a French equivalent… (Bandol? – pretty pricey!).

    Finally Called at the Hotel Thouarsais in Bourgeuil on Friday, at lunchtime in between tasting appointments late morning and early afternoon, and met you friend Dominique. Bernard wasn’t there but she was pleased to hear of you and looked forward to seeing you… At the August 15th celebration there in Bourgeuil? I gave her the link to this blog too and said I’d convey her felicitations today.

    Eh bien, mon ami – dejeuner!… et après: nous chercher le vin encore…..

    A bientot

  3. Hilariously insightful, NB! You are in fine form; we are prisoners of player lust that makes transfer season actually the most active online, from what I understand. More so than when we play games, Arsenal supporters crowd the forums to lust after players.

    Lower the tone of the blog?! You had me in stitches there! As if that could be done….:)

    Congrats as this is now a blog, NB. One post is an internet appearance, a second establishes you successfully as a blogger! You are developing your particular and much needed niche of salacious innuendo/Arsenal memory/foodie blog very credibally!

  4. Salut HTL and LSG

    Nice to hear from you HTL in the Loire Valley. Really pleased you popped into the hotel, Dominique is a lovely woman, shame Bernard wasn’t there, he is a charactor and would have given you some wine buying advice. Enjoy your Chorizo and wine tastings. It is a superb region.

    Thanks LSG…. I really enjoyed writing that one, just letting my mind wander onto ‘loosely related’ subjects.

  5. No I’m not George, I only visit a few blogs and only ever comment on two. Twitter isn’t really my thing. Glad you liked the blog. You have been Approved 🙂 smileys not banned on here

  6. Some serious rumours doing the rounds today. Remi is being mentioned as practically signed, Cesc is apparently definately leaving Barca and the likely destination is the Emirates and Aurier may also be close to signing with us……………. but then again, it could all just be Betty Rubble teasing us again. 🙂

  7. Thanx, looking forward to some football and food chat on here. 2 of my 3 passions. I’d tell you the 3rd but I’m a married man.
    🙂

  8. Pistol, sounds like tou are having too much fun in the Caribbean!

    Just got back from a nice sail this afternoon– the first of the season. Beautiful day, but winds a little light, so the May flies were annoying on the downwind return. Still a lovely day. Arsrnal won the FA cup and the transfer links sound quite promising. Who knows? In the meantime the Workd Cup is just around the corner. Not bad!

  9. This is truly the drooling season Northbank. Despite the fact that much of the information has questionable origins, it still interesting to read about the speculation. It is a very odd feeling to read something that one knows is questionable but still has the force to promote dreams and thoughts of maybe ish. We of the football culture, if that is what we can refer to our group as being, has a naive streak. But, as it turns out, we are at peace with our naivity.

  10. I was only joking this morning.
    I hope you are getting more clicks than responses.
    The transfer rumours… are they just that?
    The Aurier and Remy keep cropping up maybe there is something in them, but we live in hope that this is the summer where it all comes together.

  11. I managed to watch the first half of the France vs Paraguay match tonight and Remy and Giroud played really well together. They seem to have a good knowledge of each others postional play…. could be promising if we get Remy.

  12. Two Owls

    Sorry, I’ve only just seen that you were in moderation 🙂 welcome

    Michael, today seemed a bit slow everywhere but the clicks were good.

  13. Hahaha. That’s a terrible name you picked for the blog NORTH BANK 69. wait till the mascot hears about this. I suspect he will take the tunnel straight to your door steps. Don’t mess with a dinosaur. good luck with the blog.
    UP WITH THE GUNNERS!!!

  14. On transfer gossip….. just been clicking through the back pages and Balotelli has cropped up again as a Wenger target. I’ve always been impressed by him and if we got him I’m sure AW could keep him under control. And the comraderie at Arsenal at the moment would probably be good for him.

  15. What fun, and I will look forward to Sunday mornings with new enthusiasm now, even though I’ve never been a great Chorizo lover. Or lover, for that matter. Tant pis as they say in your neck of the woods.

  16. NB, I would love to see Balotelli grow up and mature under AW’s guidance and score goal after goal in the Arsenal red and white. He might be getting sick of the overt racism in Italy and prefer the more covert kind found elsewhere!

  17. Hi Limey

    Wenger has gone on record to being an admirer of Mario, I wouldn’t mind him playing in the red and white. He has matured somewhat since his days at City. If anyone could control him then AW could. Lets see what happens… as far as we know, it is still just gossip 🙂

  18. I am very disappointed that my mate Clocky hasn’t left a another comment. Were you too shocked about my comments of lust and wet fingers. If you’ve had a look up my GunnersoreArse, leave some peanut butter for me to savour! Just one word, like Chorizo, kippers or something similar. 🙂

  19. What can we do about the insatiable transfer lust? Must we be ascetic renunciants and simply avoid all temptation? That seems a bit like a religious extreme. Is there instead some alternate mode you might recommend?

  20. Limey

    As a devout and fully paid up member of the agnostic philosophy, I would say, fuck it, lets follow all the rumours and lust after everything. Even Georges blog is currently getting caught up in the ‘banned’ transfer porn 🙂

  21. Just to remind everyone, GunnersoreArse will be published tomorrow morning (Sunday) at 9am GMT. A little Travelog with a Gooner perspective. No spicy chorizo I promise! But lots of drama!

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