WC fever, other nasties and the new fixture list.

 

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse Blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

As Arsenal fans, we have all been worried about our players picking up serious injuries in Brazil. But there are other Eden Hazards and dangers of being an international footballer. Even more so when they play a world cup competition somewhere like Brazil. Violence and the crime rate in South America gets a bad press, but many people have already been Arjen Robbened and it’s advisable to always be on the lookout for Igor Akinfeevs, keep your Van Purses in a safe place and only carry small amounts of Cashley Cole on you at any one time.

In Brazil there are also health problems caused by food and water.  Contaminated Frank Lebouef, undercooked Bacary Lasagna and contaminated non-drinking water can lead to Delhi Dembélé, Marco diarReus, Alex Salmonella, Carlton Cholera, chronic irritable Gareth Bowel syndrome and Septic Bladder, causing severe Mezut Özillness, with Per Mertesicker all over the floor and leaving a Kevin de Bruyne Lionel Messi in the WC!

Tropical diseases can be  spread by the Gerard Piqué of the mosquito, these include Malaria Balotelli and Cristian Tello fever which are common throughout Brazil and can be fatal.

On top of all those health risks, players are also being warned not to go out looking for Loose Van Girls for a piece of Samuel Umtitti and Rod Fanni. The risks of  catching something nasty in Brazil like Aids Adebayor, Ole Gonorrhea Solskjaer and Hepatitus Bramble are seriously high just for dipping your chorizo into some local samba sauces. Players are therefore being advised to keep their Wilfried Bony in their trousers, (With a special warning to the French team). Instead players are being told to stay in their hotel rooms and have a Louri Jerkhov instead. And for those players who are on the other side of off-side,  who wear short shirts like Larse Bender, preferring Roman Weidenfellers and some Lee Bum-young, there is the added danger of suffering from a painful GunnersoreArse.

So if the Arsenal players currently in Brazil can avoid all these dangers and also return home un-injured, then for me it would have been a good World Cup.  But in general it has been a very exciting first week to the tournament. The teams shining at the moment are Germany, Holland and France plus the surprise underdogs Costa Rica, Chile and Ghana for their heroic game against the Germans last night. There are already two potential best goals of the competition, Van Persie against Spain and Cahill against Holland. Out of the ex-Arsenal players having a good World Cup, Gervinho needs to be mentioned. Disappointments so far, Ronaldo and Diego Costa. Ronaldo probably due to carrying a knee injury but Costa because he just wasn’t good enough, we won’t get a chance to see Costa improve, because like Spain, his WC is over. Argentina have also been a disappointment, with a front three of Aguero, Messi and Higuain I was expecting better. England turned up but the naivity of team selection and tactics could still see Woy out of a job. My dark horse prediction of Belgium getting to the final started off slowly but there is still room for them to improve. So far there have been some excellent games, attacking play being the tactic of the day, lets hope it continues all the way to the final.

Premier League fixtures 2014/15

On Wednesday the 2014/15 fixture list was published. What delights can we hopefully look forward to………

Dates to be cheerful: Part II.

Aug 23rd 2014 – Away Everton: An early test, second league game of the season. Can we prove that there has been improvement on last seasons game at Goodison Park.

Oct 4th 2014 – Away Chelsea: Last years memory of Wengers 1000th game needs to be avenged, nothing less. If any game this season is going to show that AW has learned from last season, this is the one. Plus we’ll have the joy of seeing Fabregas playing in blue.

Dec 20th 2014 – Away Liverpool: Twenty minutes of hell, that’s what I remember from last seasons match. I was watching the game in a bar and I was transfixed on the large TV screen, looking at it in horror as the Liverpool forwards ripped us apart and we fell apart.

Jan 17th 2015 – Away Man City: Positive thinking, we scored three goals in the corresponding game last season.

May 16th 2015 – Away Man Utd: In a season when Man Utd were at their weakest for several seasons, we failed to take advantage. That old chestnut – fear factor- took a hold and we didn’t have the dangloids.

No points from any of those games last season and a total of 21 goals in the deficit column. If we can get 6/8 points from the first four of those games then that will be a vast improvement and show the credentials needed for a serious title challenge. The penultimate game at Old Trafford could be very interesting. What game are you looking forward to see next season?

Right, time for a glass of wine and some chorizo…… hope you enjoyed your visit. Until the next time.

à bientôt

Every Sunday morning at 9am GMT. Don’t miss your dose of GunnersoreArse. Lubrication optional.

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30 thoughts on “WC fever, other nasties and the new fixture list.

  1. Hi, northbank….

    I’ll take first..

    Chronic irritable Gareth bowel syndrome is a classic.

  2. Morning Michael

    I think you can be classed as second 🙂
    ahh, the international 6’5″ international man of mystery who weighs in at 20 stone and would stick out like a large Lincolnshire sausage on a plate of small spicy chorizo.

  3. Not my business, but is sunday the best day to post your supplement?
    There was a lot of effort in your post, but not a lot in return so far.

  4. I’m sure it will take time Michael…. I’m getting quite a few clicks, just not the comments. I’ll review it in a few months time, when the season starts. Thanks for your concern though 🙂

  5. Weekends can be quiet in the summer on the Arsenal front but I like having something special that I can savour more deliberately on a Sunday morning. It helps me catch more of the hints, innuendos and puns!

    Thorough account of the various dangers besetting our players in Brazil. I’ll be amazed if they survive and return to us safe and sound, NB. I am especially concerned that Arsenal players might be particularly susceptible to Gunnerhea even with their national teams. Merts has been talking about the Arsenal benefits of Spain going home early. I don’t know if he has likewise commented about Jack and Ox being rested now that England are out, but it shows he has an inflamed sense of Arsenal minded-ness, gunneritis. He better watch it doesn’t turn into the more serious condition.

  6. Hi Limey
    Yeah, I think I’ll keep it as a ‘classy’ Sunday supplement for the moment. The problem with injuries being sustained at the WC, is that Germany (ozil, podolski and mert) France (Giroud and Kos) will go into the 1/4’s and the chances of injury will increase. So we have two forwards, two CB’s and a crucial MF at risk. Putain du merde. Be glad when it’s all over 🙂

    Just to let people know. From my post there is a player named Lee Bum-young…. yes he does exist and plays for South Korea. There were a few more I could have used as well, from the Russians and the South Koreans LOL

  7. Just one SK or Russki reference needed. Low hanging fruit, after all. Keep it classy!

  8. Hi NB,
    Missed your post yesterday, as driving all day….
    But, very funny!
    Personally I’ll be glad when WC gets onto knock-out, and fingers crossed for all Arsenal players staying fit…..

    As to next season, first we have to “win” the close-season with appropriate acquisitions. I read rumours of Saurez to Barca (apparently his woman’s family are there), in which case – with Pedro, Messi and Neymar already there – they might be unloading Alexis Sanchez. He’d be a good option…..

  9. Salut Les Citrons de Mi-temps

    At least Jack, the Ox and Cazorla are on their way home un-injured. As long as nothing nasty happens in their final games. Saurez to Barca….. don’t think it will happen. No matter what the scousers could earn from it, they would be mad.

    btw: I left a little message on your blog. I like it and will have a looksy from time to time. It’s nice to be able to read reviews of wines I can’t afford 🙂

  10. NB, I’m a real admirer of your work…the day job, that is. Had you thought a thong?
    Anyway looks like a knighthood is out of the question now.

  11. Actually Michael, I often think that our Queen (I’m not sure if she is your queen) probably has a wicked sense of humour and would find this painting quite amusing. It was definately not done out of any form of disrespect. I think I’ve done it with a certain amount of respect and reverence.

  12. Limey

    It’s things like that I hope people won’t notice…… but it’s just a trick of the eye, the toilet lid is up, you just can’t see it! 🙂

  13. I sure respect (not the FIFA one) was foremost in your mind, just not for hanging in the Tate 🙂

  14. Hi NB
    Good that you’re looking my site – posting is intermittent usually at least four around the turn of the month and often only one mid-month. Remember you can probably get any French wines at half the UK price in a civilised county like your adopted home.

  15. OK, but I thought it even funnier if the lid stayed down–so distracted or disturbed by what she read in the paper that she just had to sit down and close her eyes immediately without really paying attention!

  16. Take it to Australia–those hard core republicans might fancy it! Just don’t expect a good reception here in Canada–they worship the royal family as it is one of the only things grounding the difference in Canadian identity from that of the US! Use to be legal gay marriage was a helpful divider, but now many states are adopting even this. What are Canadians to do?! Don’t mess with the royal family!

  17. I know the Aussies love it Limey because when I exhibited it in France, I had a group of aussies come into the gallery and their reaction was typical anti – royal.

  18. This whole Saurez thing is becoming very interesting. Even the Urugyan president, a man who I have admired for a long time, a man who believes in justice, has defended Saurez’ behaviour. Patriotism and fanaticism just take over. I have a new ‘Saurez’ blog ready for Sunday. However, if it is all dealt with before Sunday then my article could be out dated 😦

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