Portrait of a flawed genius. Court case: FIFA vs Saurez.

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

This is the sentencing report I would have presented to FIFA.

Pre-sentence report

Defendant: Luis Alberto Diaz Suarez -D.O.B. 24/01/1987.  

This report has been prepared following one interview with the defendant. I’ve had access to antecedents and previous convictions, plus video and photographic evidence.

The Offence:

1. Mr Saurez explained at interview that the situation had been extremely tense and stressful. He told me that he had suffered quite a lot of physical contact during the game and was severely ‘wound up’. He remembers moving towards the victim with the intention of scoring a goal and was adament that he had no intention of causing injury or harm. However, the defendant then had problems explaining what occurred next. He became very confused and agitated when I asked him to explain further and he just kept repeating that the victims shoulder moved towards his mouth and hurt his teeth.

2. When shown photographs of the injury caused to the victim the defendant denied any intent to cause damage. He explained that his teeth are rather large and if a shoulder comes into contact with them then some damage is inevitable, he continued to say that it wasn’t his fault and denied all culpability.

Social and family Background:

3. The defendant was born in Salto, Uruguay being the fourth son in a family of seven boys. At the age of seven his family moved to Montevideo. He described a difficult upbringing, explaining that his parents seperated when he was aged nine years. The defendant describes himself as being of ‘mixed race’ and told me that his grandfather was black. He developed his footballing skills in the back streets of Montevideo from an early age. At interview the defendant was guarded about his upbringing, and apart from explaining that it had been a difficult period, he appeared to resist giving further information that could be of value to the court. From my observations it would appear that perhaps difficulties experienced during his early development are deeper than he admits and could possibly be the foundation of his aggressive behaviour.

Present Circumstances:

4. Mr Suarez is a married man with two children. He currently lives in the Merseyside area of England and has been employed full-time by Liverpool Football Club as a Striker since 2011. His salary is in the region of £800,000 per month. He describes a happy marriage and told me he adores his children. He also plays international football for his country, Uruguay.

5. The defendant is clearly a very talented footballer. He brings joy to millions of people with his skills and goal scoring. He is worshipped by football fans worldwide. In some quarters he is classed as a footballing genius and still has much to offer the footballing world, he is clearly an outstanding talent but with serious shortcomings and his fame as a footballer is already being tarnished by his unnacceptable behaviour on the pitch. Therefore, to allow him to truly reach the exalted heights of fame which his footballing talents deserve, intervention to stop the defendants violent behaviour is neccessary.

6. I’m led to believe that Mr Saurez also contributes regularly towards charitable causes and generally, in his social life, is an amiable person. However, as a professional footballer, on the world stage, he has to recognise he has a responsibilty. Children the world over watch him play football, admire him and want to replicate his achievements. If his image however, is one of violently biting opponents it is not a good  example for children to see him going unpunished and he needs to reflect upon his position as a public figure who is continually in the spotlight.

Previous Convictions:

7. The defendant has two previous convictions for similar offences. In 2010 in Holland, he was convicted of attacking an opponent with his teeth and received a 7 match ban. In 2013, in the Premier League, he was convicted of the same offence and sentenced to a 10 match suspension. Furthermore, in 2011 he was convicted of racially abusing an opponent and recieved an 8 match ban and a £40,000 fine. An offence which he continues to deny.

8. It is clear therefore that Mr Suarez is a recidevist, previous sentences have not curtailed his behaviour, especially the violence of biting an opponent. It will be of concern to the Court that he continues to deny responsibility for his actions, often saying it is, “just how things happen in football”.


9. With Mr Suarez continueing to deny any malice or pre-meditation in this offence, the matter of sentencing is hindered. Furthermore, with his list of previous convictions for the same offence, the probability of further offending is extremely high and a startegy needs to be put into place to prevent further offences. Therefore, I would suggest a four part sentencing strategy that would not only punish the defendant for the current offence, but would also offer a clear deterent from further unacceptable behaviour. If the Court is willing to accept my recommendation then my proposal for sentencing would be:

  •  An immediate ban from international and domestic matches for 3 months.
  •  A fine equivelant to 2 months salary. (To be used for a Community Project)
  •  A psychological assessment and further psychiatric intervention if deemed neccessary.
  •  A suspended sentence of a life ban from football if the defendant repeats a similar offence (biting) within the period of his remaining footballing career.

10. These sentencing measures would send a clear message to the defendant that his behaviour is totally unacceptable and will not be tolerated in the future. It would offer psychological intervention to prevent further violence and to deal with any underlying issues. Furthermore, Mr Saurez will have a clear understanding that if he were to bite another player violently in the future his footballing career would be over. Such a sentencing plan would , I believe, make the defendant seriously think twice before acting so irrationally again in the future.

Right yer ‘onour, time for a glass of wine and some spicy chorizo……. Hope you enjoyed your visit. Until the next time.

à bientôt

GunnersoreArse, the Classy Glossy Sunday supplement of the blogging world. Delivered to your PC / iPad/iPhone/tablette every Sunday morning at 9am GMT. Order your copy now.

46 thoughts on “Portrait of a flawed genius. Court case: FIFA vs Saurez.

  1. Morning NB,
    What can I say, except for the typo (startegy/ strategy)
    I suspect his actual sentence to be watered down…I just hope it is still relevant though.
    I cannot comprehend those who insist it is a minor thing, and the punishment is over the top. It is assault, true at the lower end of the scale, but still a crime, and to come up agains’t m’lud 3 times a custodial sentence would be a certainty in any democraticish state.
    For not much to say, I can’t keep my fingers shut.
    You got about a months writing in 1 hit from me, treat yourself !!! Oh and she is my queen.

  2. Morning Michael

    well spotted… I won’t edit it! It’s amazing, I don’t use a spell check, I edit by reading and depite reading this piece several times, I still missed ‘startegy’ 🙂

    I don’t think the sentence is harsh, but I think the debate will continue for some time. There will be an appeal, it will drag on and the loser will be football.

  3. Morning j’espere que tout va bien?. It is not my first time looking at your site. Been so busy of late that I’ve had very liitle time. Felicitations

  4. Morning NB and I trust the sun is shining down your way. Thanks for the entertainment.
    Poor old Suarez. He reminds me of the Welshman thinking about his life achievements and his reputation.

    “Do you see that wonderful bridge, that connected the town to the mainland? I built it. But do they call me Jones the Bridge Builder? They don’t, look you.

    “Do you see that marvellous hospital that has brought health and happiness to the people of this town? I designed and built that. But do they call me Jones the Saviour? They don’t, look you.”

    “Do you see that sheep?”

  5. Biting is not a minor offense. It is at the highest end of the assault range because of it’s ability to cause serious infection and transmit viruses including hepatitis and HIV. Footballers have these diseases too. Anyone who has been bitten knows the nightmare if Anti-Retroviral medication regimes that cause medical harm and the far far far worse wait for months until you can be cleared of contracting life threatening disease. A time where you need to be very careful with contact with family and friends. It’s a nightmare and a life ban is what was actually warranted.

  6. D sentence given 2 suarez d vampire isn’t 2 much in ma own opinion, 2 b candid, is dis his first misbehaviour??? So e shud b punishd 4 him n odas 2 kno dat its not wot shud always shud b hapenin, fenx guys n up Gooners…

  7. Right Cross

    You do raise a very valid point. The transmission of HIV is a high possiblity when biting. Knowingly transmitting the virus can lead to charges of attempted murder and Manslaughter.
    I’m not so sure a life ban was warranted in this case….. but I sincerely believe that the threat of a life ban from football would have the desired affect of stopping Saurez from doing it again.

  8. Thanks Northbank,
    My concern is that this is already strike 3. Surely that’s enough chances.

  9. The whole thing about the Saurez debate is the other questions which have been raised regarding other types of violent play. Elbows, stamps, deliberate and violent tackles. It is worthy of a follow-up to todays article.

    For instance, just remembering the Cantona karate kick against a supporter. It actually went to court and he got a Community Service Order. If he’d done that to a player on the pitch it would have been kept within the FA. Stuff like that will be interesting to do some comparisons.

    Watch this space.

  10. Right Cross

    Some would advocate third strike and out…. but that leaves no option for leniency. Just look at what happened in the States and the increase in Prison sentences for even minor offences.

  11. I expect more from Holland in the second half….maybe they were saving themselves…

  12. Thanks NB
    That is a post of very high quality.
    The punishment is about right, although the leg breakers, spitters, head butters and elbowers of this world should get more.

  13. Do you think mrs. Suarez asks for or gets any love bites. If so, one wonders what her naked body looks like. Poor misses Suarez. an interesting subject for a painting. No?

  14. I think it’s the referees that are letting the players and the game down. And in some cases the punishment is too low for certain style of play and players that deploy it on the field. What we save from Suarez was pure rage of being manhandled all game long by a defender with a reputation just as bad as mr. Suarez. No player should have to put up with having his crouch grabbed in the middle of the game.

  15. Hi GK

    It is a very big issue. Something needs to be done and I think the way forward is video playback. It would be the only way to prove that this type of behaviour is happening. If they can use it in the case of Suarez then they could have used it in the case of Barton when he tried to get Gervinho off the floor and then got him red carded.

  16. Good point. Although with one ref , two linesmen, and two more behind goalline they should be able two cover the field and all the players. Its just that sometimes I wonder what the hell they are looking at , the calls are so inept. I like video technology but I want it two be used minimally. Train good refs that can handle big games and big players. Its a job like any other. You must always aim to improve. Year on end.

  17. GK
    I’ve only just noticed your follow up comment. Even with a ref, two assistants on the line and two goal line officials, they still get it wrong. When you take into account all the time wasted by players disputing decisions then Video technology makes a lot of sense. Linked to the ref with his microphone, someone could quickly check video footage and pass on a judgement to the ref.

  18. So the World Cup quarter finals are set, France vs Germany, Brazil vs Columbia, Argentina vs Belgium and Holland vs Costa Rica. Mouthwatering games. I see the last four working out:
    France vs Columbia
    Holland vs Belgium.

    I would love for Costa Rica to get into the semis but I don’t think they’ll be able to beat the Dutch. So a good chance for an all European Final, something that wasn’t predicted at the beginning, the weather being sited as the main stumbling block for the European sides. So I’m gonna stick my neck out and predict: France vs Belgium…… with France winning.

  19. Hi NB
    Loved your Chablis story on ACLF
    I have a similar story the first time I went wine buying in Bordeaux, 1997 I think. I had been tasting in St Emilion and thought I’d get some cheaper stuff in the Cotes de Bourg. I fetched up at the most well known (in England) Chateau (I won’t name it here) – very manicured grounds and extensive building. Couldn’t find anyone in the tasting room, or the office so waked over to the Chais. Intercepted by a shabbily dressed middle aged man, who asked me what I wanted. “Degustation” . He just beckoned me into the cellar and produced, without much comment, 3 unlabelled half bottles with the vintage chalked on. After we tasted and I mumbled a few comments about preferring the 1995, I asked if I could buy a case of 12. “How are you paying” he asked. “Cash” I replied. He wandered off, retuning with the case of wine. “Deux Cents cinquante francs” he demanded (about £25, and less than half what I expected – the wine was £9 in the UK even then). I handed over the cash, he gave me the box and left me to make my own way back to my car. I loaded the wine and started to drive off – only to see my host pootling off across the grounds in a pick up with a mower and mounds of grass in the back. The gardener has just supplemented his income with an un-recorded cash sale….

    Vive la difference!

  20. That’s a typically French story HTL. It’s a shame you never got to meet Bernard. I remember being there once, and he invited me to his ‘cave’. You know that many locals rent underground storage areas for their better wines. Anyway, he explained that he had some bottles of St Nicolas from his fathers collection… about 1950/60. When we got there, he made a big thing of getting the bottles and telling me, “right, these could taste amazing or…. they could be vinegar” He poured out a couple of glasses and merde, fucking vinegar. I brought several bottles of 1950’s St Nicolas de Bourguiel red wine vinegar back to the UK for cooking. LOL

  21. Hi NB, I’ve come round for a coffee and smoke!!
    I read the posts on the other channel religiously, which leads for me anyway, to what are the posters like? Can you make a reasonably assessment of what a person is like by how he (i’m a bit sexist) writes? For me mental pictures are invariably completely wrong, when we meet…and often end up slightly disappointed.
    If this doesn’t make sense I’m on my meds.

  22. Hi Michael.
    I’m having a glass of wine and a smoke as well…….. I think it’s extremely difficult to get an impression of someone on internet sites. On sites where people know me personally I have often been told that I come across aggressive and argumentative. As a result I have tried to change my approach. But I think ultimately, your personality is fairly accurately portrayed on blog sites. I can be aggressive and confrontative in one-to-ones as well. The difference is, no body language or facial expressions are involved, ultimately, it’s just what you type… and that leads to all sorts of assumptions.

    For example, when you write something on blogs you come across as a fairly nice bloke/woman (trying not to be sexist here) and generally, you prefer to avoid any confrontations. You have a good sense of humour and are a royalist 🙂

  23. Your assessment of me is pretty accurate….being picky, I am a really nice bloke!!
    I do avoid confrontation.. I can get that at work, don’t need it when I come home. That’s why for me, is one of the reasons I think Yogi’s is the best blog since he evicted the antisocial shall we say. Having said that, its nice to come here for a breather.

  24. I think Yogis blog is the best, he’s my role model lol….. George unfortunately inherited some baggage, I like his sense of humour and he normally keeps control of the blog. And they can have some interesting debates. But they are the only two blogs which I contribute to, plus mine of course.

    Nice to know that my blog is the equivelent to a ‘chill out’ gig 🙂 I’d like to keep it like that if possible. Can’t sell you any weed though, you’ll have to find that yourself. 🙂

  25. I often read George’s blog, but only the comments if something needs cross referencing, they just make me cross…and I try my hardest not to be a grumpy old man.

  26. Now that’s something I didn’t see in your internet personality… a grumpy old man, I envisioned you being younger? Some of the ‘fanatical’ Wenger worship does get a bit much I agree, but everyone is entitled to their viewpoint. I get cross too………. but try to keep it under control. As you said, why put yourself through stress and confrontation when you are at home.

  27. Don’t forget GunnersoreArse followers, the blog gets published onto the interwebby thingy on Sunday morning……….. your Sunday supplement this week is looking at a very interesting history of the Emirates and Islington……… from my perspective. Come and have a read.

  28. Northbank, i almost missed this little gem of a piece, You have worded this like a professional i know you are. have you seen many courtrooms :).

    Yes Suarez was wrong and yes he has done it before, he has also been accused of being a racist although he is mixed race himself. I can understand many’s concern’s of passing on infections by biting, but these players undergo medicals all the time blood testing urine testing so a quick look at his last blood test would let them know if he is dangerous.

    As a kid we had fights, some of us still do, any man who has an infection and knows about it, should not hurt anybody intentionally, because of infection but all the courts do is fine them My old man rest his soul, told me when i came home from school with my shirt ripped and a bleeding nose, that when you have altercations with anybody, use everything you have to win.

    Now i always fought fair, wrestling and.Queensbury rules, but when my old man said use your feet bite and grab poke his fucking eyes out if you have to, I was shocked but i had been bullied at school and was nearing the end of my tether, and the next fight i used everything i had, I came home black and blue my nose was bleeding again both eyes were swollen up and i hurt all over, but i gave my best but on this occasion i came off worse, but i hurt that fucker and that was the last time he picked on me.

    Now of course we are that much older and wiser, We understand that physical violence is wrong, we should know better but when many go to a boxing match and see 2 millionaires punching the shit out of one another they cheer them on, even when one of them bites the other guys ear off still the fans cheer, did the ref issue a fine or slap his wrist no, he waved fight on.

    Now although i don’t go along with biting and am old enough to understand about HIV but i can understand that that is wrong but so is a reckless challenge that breaks a guys leg, of course we like to think that he hasn’t done it deliberately and if he does it again we are still not sure but a broken leg all the same.

    In Suarez’s case a fine is fucking useless, the man’s a multi millionaire, what’s a few grand to him, takeaway all his fucking money and he would understand straight away, so there is fuck all wrong with his brain.

    The player Suarez bit screamed like a pussy run all round the pitch with his bra strap undone and showed a little red mark, no blood was spilled and the guy carried on and never lost any time at all, as soon as Suarez was booked he was quite happy.

    Bugger me 4 months ban for a little red mark its supposed to be physical its a contact sport, are they men or mouses for fucks sake you would think he was Hitler and tried to kill a nation. A bite a little bite what the fuck is all this fuss about.

    But what a great post.

  29. Hi steve

    I suppose there are fouls and there are FOULS! Bad tackles can cause a lot of damage and we have poor young Rambo as testiment to that. But biting… come on, that goes too far. He has a problem mentally. I really do believe that. But then here we also had that fucking bully cunt Barton. There will always be someone… I watched the Chelsea friendly against Lubianna the other day, and John Terry went in on the GK and you could see that his boot was intentionally aimed at the keepers ankle. And this was in a friendly. But what can be done… video evidence is the only option, even after a game has finished.

  30. Hiya NB, great post mate.
    I must be old school NB, because when i played a guy took our goalkeeper out when he was at full stretch, he somersaulted and landed on his head, the guy done it deliberately and i lost my rag and floored him one punch and he was out of it. The referee came other to me and said any more of that and your off, but after the game i spoke to the ref and he said i was speechless after seeing the keeper taken out like that, and wanted to punch him myself.

    I know the game has moved on from those days, and of course nobody should do bad things, but a contact sport is physical, and we have to realise that, diving is something we never did. If a man was tripped he got up and made out it never happened. I liked those days when football was played by men that wanted to win by scoring goals not getting players booked. I see grown men rolling all over the pitch and when the cameras show that he never got touched, that’s fucking cheating, and in my mind that’s worse than biting.

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