To be quite frank Frank, just sing us a song you ol’ gooner crooner! A tale of Heroes & Villains part 2.

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse Blog, being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

This article is a continuation from my last post, so perhaps to understand the context, it may be best to read that first here:

In the mid 70’s, Arsenal had declined somewhat from the glory days of the early 70’s. The lowest point being a 17th place position in the league in 1975/76. Most of the double winning team of 1970/71 were moving to other teams and Bertie Mee had been replaced by Terry Neill as manager, Charlie George had gone, Ray Kennedy had gone to Liverpool and made a very successful change from Striker to Midfielder. George Graham had buggered off to Man Utd in 1972 and Frank McClintock had moved across London to Queens Park Rangers, increasing his weekly wage by nearly 100%, does that ring any bells relating to more recent Arsenal player moves? For fuck sake, I was earning more than he was from ticket touting, selling stolen goods and little schemes with Dennis the menace. However, a footballer earning £250 a week in the 70’s was no where near  the millions they now earn in the 21st century. Retirement funds could not be assured, so many players had to look for other options to earn money for their retirement from football and many went into the pub trade.

And that is exactly what Frank McClintock did, just before he left Arsenal for QPR in 1975, he’d gone into business with Harry H, a con man involved in the Islington criminal underworld and together they bought the Sutton Arms in Caledonian Road. Frank wasn’t new to this culture, he’d been going to pubs and after hours drinking clubs in Islington for quite a few years beforehand, getting to know many local villains.

Franks pub had regular well known faces as customers such as George and John Reilly, the Flanagans, Frank Warren the boxing promoter, and occasionally  the young Terry Adams and his brothers would be there, yet to start their violent take over from the Reillys. But sadly, Reggie Dudley and Bob Maynard, two of the most likeable and genuine Islington rogues you could ever meet, were in custody awaiting trial and would eventually be sentenced to life for two murders they didn’t commit. Everyone who was anyone in Islington knew they were innocent.

My ticket touting mate Eddy’s dad, Teddy K, was a regular at the Sutton, with some of his mates. He was a classy and very good burglar and safe breaker. Teddy and his partner Vincent, had a superb system, they only targeted high end properties in Maida Vale, Hampstead, St Johns Wood and other exclusive areas in London. Mainly flats in mansion blocks, they used to tap up concierges, security guards, cleaners and gardeners when at pubs and after hours drinkers to find out when residents would be on holiday or away from their apartments for substantial periods. Then with their Ford Transit, they’d load up two bicycles, then dressed in workers overalls, flat caps and carrying rucksacks, at something like 3am, drive to within a mile of the property, park the van, get the bikes out and cycle to the mansion block. They looked like any other workers coming off the night shift or just going to work. They even had packed lunches in their rucksacks just in case the ‘billies’ stopped them. They concentrated on safes, cash and jewellery, nothing else was touched….. then they’d leave on their bikes, rucksacks full of ill-gotten gains (and their uneaten packed lunches), and cycle back to the van. They were so good they were never caught. Never ever got a criminal conviction. Despite what they were doing, they had to be admired.

Teddy offered me and Eddy an apprenticeship but having gone on a job with them one night we decided it wasn’t our thing, we were happy to keep on ticket touting and selling stolen high class clothing which we used to get from a gang of lorry highjackers, who targetted mainly clothing transporters. Every month we’d visit a lock-up in York Way and choose the best of the most recent heist and because Eddy’s dad was a well known face, we had an arrangement of sale or return. By this time in the 70’s, although we still got some of our football tickets from Fat Stan Flashman at his office in Kings Cross, we were also buying player allocations from Frank, Liam Brady and Eddie Kelly and a couple of other players. Another Arsenal player had also bought a pub, the Spanish Patriot, just behind Chapel Street Market and had let a couple of villains open a after hours drinker upstairs. That was a regular Sunday afternoon haunt after Frank had kicked everyone out of the Sutton.

I’d eased off going to Arsenal games, practically never going to away games except for a few Cup games. Eddy and I still did our thing after selling all our tickets at home games, paying a few quid at the turnstile and getting seats in the East Stand. But other things seemed more important and the Gunners weren’t winning many things, well actually, they weren’t winning anything. For instance, in 1976/77, we had Malcom Mcdonald up front, scoring 24 goals in the league, but we ended up finishing 8th. Above us were Ipswich, WBA, Newcastle and Aston Villa. I’d gone to a 5th round FA Cup away game at Middlesborough that season and they beat us 4-1. Not the most exciting times to be a Gooner, but on the bright side, the Spuds were relegated that year.

So this was the culture at Franks pub, local villains and occasionally a famous celebrity.  Being regulars, he often used to ask me and Eddy to help behind the bar if it got really busy, which was often the case at weekends. He only ever employed young women, because if he had barmen they would leave after a few days because of intimidation and threats from the customers. You had to be very, very careful. Rounds would be enormous, where the person ordering would also say, “Get so-and -so and his mates a round over there”, and when you looked there would be 10 or more geezers plus the 15 or more he’d just ordered for, then just as you thought the round was finished, some other faces would walk into the pub and the person ordering the round would start again. I would often get verbal and Chris Flanagan was an example, he used to call me ‘Crimbo’ and if I gave a wrong drink or made a gaff, he’d shout at me, ‘”Oi Crimbo, what the fuck is this you little fucking cunt, I’ll come round there and give you a fucking dig. Sort it out”! And at the same time you’d have John Reilly waiting to be served and giving you dirty looks as if to say, “If you don’t serve me soon you wanker you’re gonna end up in a fucking shallow grave”.  You had to understand that it was just part of the scene and the banter and the verbal was generally just a wind up, but Eddy and I had to be on our toes with a quick witty reply that didn’t wind them up too much. They were much more polite to the young bar girls, so you can understand why Frank was reluctant to employ barmen.

Sunday afternoons were probably the best for atmosphere, Frank would get a band and a singer in and he’d regularly get up on stage and sing as well. He was quite a crooner was Frank, giving excellent renditions of Sinatra classics. People loved the man. He was my hero when he was playing and it was a privilege to have known him in his private life. They were good times, I had money in my pocket, I didn’t have to work too hard and some of the charactors I knew were awesome. But in 1977 I started to think about getting out, I was seeing too many people get heavy prison sentences. So I moved to the South Coast and got some honest employment in an attempt to distance myself from that culture. However, on a few visits back to Islington I couldn’t help but get involved in a couple of things and eventually it all went tits up, and on Friday 13th April 1979, at the Inner London Crown Court, I had to give some pleasure to Her Majesty. As a consequence I had to watch the 1979  and 1980 FA Cup finals on an ancient TV in a grey room with a load of blokes dressed exactly the same, in blue and white striped shirts, cheap jeans and slippers. The 1980 final was the worst, not just because we lost, but because many of the other inmates were West Ham supporters and at the end of the match there was a massive fucking fight in the TV room, and as a result, I lost 7 days remission. I didn’t see day light again until Friday 19th September 1980. But on the positive side, I did find out that I had a talent for drawing and got an ‘A’ Level in Art and had also started a degree in Sociology, discovering along the way that I was quite good at this academic malarky. It was a ‘life changing’ moment. Well, it  nearly was ……..but not quite!!

Right, time for a glass of wine and some spicy chorizo…… Hope you enjoyed your visit. Until the next time.

à bientôt

Extra, Extra, read all about it! GunnersoreArse exclusive – local villain gives pleasure to the Queen in a back street drinking club. Every Sunday morning at 9am. Get your copy here!


359 thoughts on “To be quite frank Frank, just sing us a song you ol’ gooner crooner! A tale of Heroes & Villains part 2.

  1. nice painting, NorthBank. Glad to know you have safely returned and will paint many more nudes.😛

    Let me get back to Michael’s story from the morning. Planks of wood and so on. Here is my first experience with modern art.

    I was a humble, simple, happy, contented, jovial, young public servant in India in 2000 when suddenly my then wifey decided to move to Europe. Partly to avoid my company I am sure but I thought what the heck, let me try and move my rural Indian arse over to Europe as well. And so I tried, was lucky and moved to Cambridge UK. My wife was in Helsinki, just a short, sweet, cheap flight from Stansted away.

    Cambridge was itself a huge shock to my system, what with the strange class system, mannerisms and all that. On top of that, my elitist wife said now that I was in Europe I had to get educated in culture and art. Oh dear!

    She booked a holiday to Paris, I flew from Stansted, she from Finland, and Paris was absolutely fabulous. Next day, to my utter horror she said my education had to proceed. I was instructed to spend the day in Centre Pompidou while she was busy in her own networking, so along I went.

    What can I say? It was horror personified, more scary than the scariest horror film I had seen. Two vignettes I still remember vividly, in fact have nightmares of these.

    There was a room transversed with clothes lines in very strange patterns and on these were hung dirty linen. Literally. Of all shapes and sizes, with an assortment of colourful clips. I noticed other people ducking beneath the clothes to pass through, take random positions in different places in the room and look around and admire. Horror! Sheer horror. I tried to do the same, stumbled and almost took the clothes lines down. Got plenty of stares and sarcastic smiles and made my exit as quickly as possible.

    Then, on to another room. Stark white walls, blinding lights, all empty except for one wall. On this wall was mounted a large clear glass hemisphere. Half of this hemisphere was filled with dirt from Auschwitz concentration camp, including visible bits of paper, hair, broken pieces of comb, tattered clothing. You get the idea? Utter horror!! Absolutely shocking.

    I ran out like and mad man, and never stopped running until the reached the river. There I sat down and realised the impact that all of this had on me. Shocking and powerful! I understood two things that day. First, my relationship was over. And second, art is very powerful and should not be taken lightly.😛

  2. If I’d known you were going to Paris I would have suggested the Piano Zinc, just behind the Beaubourg, in a little side street. that would have shocked you🙂

  3. arnie

    Art can be very powerful these days, artists really do try to influence the viewers inner fears and prejudices. I prefer nice humour and subtle messages in my work. Cerebrial. You should have asked me about Paris, I would have sent you to the Piano Zinc, just behind the Beaubourg

  4. There were three woman which were gonna be executed. One was a blonde, one a brunette, and one a redhead.
    The day arrived for their executions and the brunette was first to be executed. Just as they were about to shoot her she pointed behind the executors and yelled TORNADO. The executors looked behind them and the brunette escaped.

    Now it was the redheads turn to be executed and just as they were gonna shoot her she pointed behind the executors and yelled TWISTER. The executors looked behind them and the redhead escaped as well.

    Finally it was the blondes turn and just at the moment they were gonna shoot her she pointed behind them and yelled FIRE and they shot her!!

  5. That was in 2000, NorthBank. Next time I go to Paris, I will take your advice. Piano Zinc is one of the oldest and most traditional gay pubs, right? You mean, I should have taken my ex wifey there, so that she would run away and I would have my revenge!😛

    Are members of the heterosexual minority allowed?

  6. arnie, I went there several times in the 90’s, so yes, hetero’s are allowed. It has three levels, which go down underground, and you don’t want to get the the third🙂

  7. I told you you would regret it.

    How about some Spike Milligan?

    After 5 days in the hospital I took a turn for the nurse.
    We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong.

  8. Or one of my all time favourite comedian’s Tommy Cooper.

    I went to the Doctor about my smelly wind

    – so he gave me a kite.

    Went to my Doctor with a cricket ball stuck up my backside
    “How’s That” he said
    “Now don’t you start” I replied

  9. The Israeli’s have a property programme to rival that of the BBC, but they call theirs “occupation, occupation, occupation”

    I’ll get my coat.

  10. We should aim to keep Verms, IMO. He is the captain, he should get our full support as fans, he cannot just wake up one morning and decide to leave. There is a question of professional commitment as the captain. IMO.

  11. I’d like to see us keep Verm as well, if we don’t then to get someone of his qualityb will be difficult to find. However, I find it pointless to have a captain who spends most of his time on the bench

  12. I have said this before, but a squad captain has a different role. IMO. Call me old-fashioned if you like. But this guy helps the coaches on the training ground, discusses strategy, inspires players in the dressing room, behaves responsibly in the public domain, and when required speaks to the press. He is a Gooner on the project, not one of the contract players.

    Is Verms such a leader I do not know, the jury is still out, but I would not give up on him just yet.

  13. Problem I have arnie, is that for me, Kos or Per are not up to being the leader on the field that we need…. Verm possibly is, but he’s no good i that role if he is on the bench. I don’t think Wenger wants him to leave, and I’ve always seen a little bit of CDM in him and think he could be converted and therefore play both roles, CB and CDM

  14. Yes, that is a valuable thought, NorthBank. I have never thought of him as a DM, but I can see where you are coming from. I feel we perhaps make too much of this need for a leader on the field. These are after all 11 professionals playing right under the noses of the manager, assistants, team captain and the entire bench.

    There is a need to organise perhaps a wall or other defensive formations, but there either of Szcz/BFG/ Kos any way has to take the lead.

  15. arnie, gay joints are the best places to pick up women. Well, as long as you have no feelings and enjoy wearing tight fitting trousers

    In the ninties I was always scoring birds in gay clubs. Most of the time women just found it cool I had gay friends and wore a boufant wig, but sometimes they would think i was gay, no idea why?, so I would play along and make out that they had changed me. Women find that irisistable

    I had to do things i didnt want to, like kop of with a few men, some even had moustaches, and pretend to like Abba, but it was worth it to score with all those birds.

  16. Henny Youngman specials.

    My Doctor gave me six months to live but when I told him I was broke and couldn’t pay him – he gave me another six months.

    I told my psychiatrist that nobody listens to me – he said “NEXT”!!

    I’m making a Jewish porno film 10% sex 90% guilt.

  17. Rodney Dangerfield………

    My mother had morning sickness the day after I was born.

    One year they wanted to make me a poster boy….for birth control.

    My girlfriend called to say “come on over there’s nobody home” …….I went over. Nobody was home!

    My Dad was stupid he worked at a bank and they caught him stealing pens………..

  18. So 69er has a thespian lady friend !…..I bet she was looking at 69er and thinking…….” Toupee or not Toupee, that is the question ? “.

  19. ha ha ha, you lot had some fun whilst I was away from the bar🙂

    Terry transplant….. Toupee or not toupee, very funny.

    Cockie, that video is so funny, “because he wants to keep the wheels on his car” love it.

    Morning Sorearses, the bar is open🙂

  20. Motning NorthBank. Too early for single malts. Perhaps a stiff double expresso with an Aguardante shot in.🙂🙂🙂

  21. Morning arnie

    a small chilled white cotes du rhone for me🙂

    Save me some time from lookng through all the sports gossip pages, apart from the Debuchy deal, is there any other news on the Gunner front?

  22. This was from a couple of days back but in the discussions this morning. Balotelli has dropped a not too subtle hint that he would like a move to the red bit of North London.

    Posing for a photo with his WAG in front of an Arsenal banner.🙂

  23. I’d take him if I was Wenger, but I’m not. I’ve always been up for some risk taking and think he would be ok at the Arsenal. Imagine him with Ozil, Ramsey and Sanchez just behind supplying the balls from the wings and midfield…. fucking wet knickers time🙂

  24. agreed. a bit of a maverick, but obvious talent. and temperament I dont mind. if we could try to get Suarez, what is wrong with Balotelli?

  25. I think AW would be a good ‘father’ figure to him and some of the team would keep him in place. He’s at the age now where change is easily npossible, unless he gets involved with Jacko the lad.🙂

  26. ah, Jacko the lad. that’s trouble brewing, IMO. I hope for the best, but not holding my breath. A bit of a rebel is good, in fact brilliant. Example, Vieira. But one needs to be a thorough professional. And here is where I have a serious problem with Jack.

    Wield the stick, I say. Spare the rod and spoil the child. Why is the cane still in the closet, Wenger? 🙂

  27. Wengers already warned him and his gone and done it again…. more fool him for getting caught but AW needs to have a word in his shell like! I think he’ll ruin his chance…. some of the things he’s done, just points towards a troubled personality and a ‘death wish’ mentality

  28. Fully agree, NorthBank.🙂

    And now, call of duty, hard days’ work, final few days push before going off on travels. So have to go.😦 back laters.🙂

  29. Morning All
    Debuchy a good buy, welcome.

    Jack, we have to be careful being critical, for fear of being called haters. Nothing appears so bad it cannot be altered, but joining all the dots does it produce a picture you want to see?

    Sammi’s off the menu apparently, so you are not too disappointed NB. If he was the smokescreen who is the target? All will be revealed in the fullness of time.

  30. Morning Michael

    I’ve been finalising my sunday post since 7am, nearly there🙂

    I am pleased we didn’t get Khedira, I had a feeling he was a money grabbing fucker who would have come here and been injured most of the time and earning £150,000 a week. plus the dodgy hairdo and eyes too close together🙂

    I’m no hater of Jacko, I can just see something in him that is going to ruin his career in football, I hope I wrong, I like the lad, but he needs to step up and show his commitment.

  31. You have been missed on the other side NB.

    I completely agree re Jack. The public picture of Jack v Rambo….no contest.

    If Mourinho has hijacked Sammi there is an appropriate video. Parental guidance. I can’t do links but here it is

  32. Just a quick technical issue. When you post a comment, you have go to the comment button to see if it has been sent, rather than straight to comments…just saying🙂

  33. Your link didn’t work Michael… you have to make sure it is seperate from your normal text.

    I’ve noticed something similar after posting a comment…. it goes to the top of the page, all you have to do is scroll down to the last comment…. I think🙂 doh

  34. Not if there is more than 1 page of comments…well on my computer.
    Will I try it again or have you gone to U tube. I’m crap with computers I can’t cut and paste nor take a screenshot so a link is out of the question🙂

  35. I see the value of Jack. Young, talented, British, loves Arsenal, all positives. Going to the market for another such would be too exorbitant and we will not do it. But I suspect there is an attitude problem. IMO, it is this year or never, unfortunately.

    Most importantly, being a sceptic, the thought has crossed my mind that his adventures on the wilder side may be like a “come an get me” signal. If thet were to turn out to be the case, it will be our loss and his loss. Personally, I will be very sad.😦

    But this is a grumpy old Arnie rant. Stop it. NOW! No value in such speculation.🙂

  36. I thought you’d gone to work arnie…. if you did then I must say you have it cushy🙂

    I doubt very much if Jacko is pushing for a move…. he’s like Jenks for the Gunners. I’d be sad to see him go if that was the case.

  37. 69, arnie

    Were can Wilshere go? Were ever it is it would be a step down from the most glorious club in the world which is Arsenal.

    I forgive him the smoking. A healthy nictoteen habit tends to improve ones sex life, so i can understand why he does it. Its so good that I dont smoke after the deed, I smoke during it.

    But I have noticed a sense of the “ime it” attitude, yet hes done nothing in the game yet. We all want him to do well, young English boy coming through the ranks and all that, but he has to show it on and off the pitch to be an Arsenal great.

    Its not our fault he has a Napoleon complex and a face like a mashed potato. He has to except his predicament and get on with it

  38. Hello Terry

    It must be frigging difficult for a young man of his age, being paid a fortune in wages but also needing to have some form of life other the football. I often think if that had been me at that age, I would have had no chance with my attitude…. I would probably have fucked it right up.🙂
    But as you say, before he can be jacko the laddo, he needs to prove he has the credentials first.
    As for smoking whilst getting ya willy wet, I once had sex with a bird who smoked whilst I was at it…. wasn’t a very nice feeling🙂 but I continued till the end.

  39. hahaha, thats not to bad 69. Its better than during the throes of passion having them watching TV over your shoulder and then commenting how family fortunes is not the same without Bob Monkhouse

    Not that has ever happened to me of course. hahaha

  40. Terry, NorthBank.🙂

    One of the pleasures of my job is that I can occasionally keep track of the arses while at work.

    On Jacko, I hope all will be fine, he just needs to get his head down and clear the muddle in his head. No better that watching the likes of Ozil and Alexis every day to think in his mind where he can be.🙂

  41. Terry ha ha🙂 I can honestly say that has never happened with me…. and any way, I keep them bent over and facing away from the TV.

    That would be the best thing for him…. a couple of role models, and also, he must be watching Rambo improve and think, ffs I can be as good. You would hope so wouldnt you.

  42. Okay guys,

    Just a reminder that all men are cremated equal……………..

    I would just love a glass of 25 year old The Macallan, my last bottle had a particularly high evaporation rate?

  43. Where’s that darn barman when you need him?

    I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s in the back room with a young girl who’s paying the price for looking at his etchings…………………

  44. Ignore me at your peril – I will simply overrun the site with more old and stale jokes……………..

    Did you realize that many people die of thirst – but the Irish are born with One?

  45. That’s it!!!!
    If you don’t get me my drink I will publish all of your sins on the internet for the whole wide World to see – shit – you already did that!

  46. Well you don’t scare me – I’ll get my friend Terry to come on and tell even worse jokes than I do and he will do it while he is dancing around you in his smelly diapers. So there!!!

  47. I think this may put a “knowing” smile to the rude barman’s face.


    Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He’d never been to church in his life. After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, “Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?”

    Murphy said, “I got to be honest with you Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn’s hat.”

    The priest said, “Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn’t steal McGlynn’s hat. What changed your mind?” Murphy replied, “Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn’t need to steal McGlynn’s hat after all.”

    With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said; “After I talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’ ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?” Murphy slowly shook his head. “No, Father, after ya talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’ I remembered where I left me hat.

  48. Bloke at a horse race whispers to Paddy next to him, “do you want the winner of the next race?”
    Paddy replies “no tanks, I’ve only got a small garden.”

  49. Paddy and Mick found 3 hand grenades and decided to take them to the police station.
    Mick “What if one explodes before we get there?”
    Paddy: “We’ll lie and say we only found two!”

  50. Paddy’s racing snail is not winning races anymore. So he decided to take it’s shell off to reduce it’s weight and make him more aerodynamic. It didn’t work, if anything it made him more sluggish

  51. Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires stickin out of it. He phones the police and says “Bejesas I’ve just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb.”
    The operator asks, “is it tickin?, Paddy says “No I tink it’s beef”

  52. Sorry NB69 I couldn’t resist just one more………

    Joe says to Paddy: “Close your curtains the next time you’re making love to your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.”
    Paddy says: “Well the joke’s on them stupid because I wasn’t even at home yesterday.”

  53. A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard.

    “Are you the manager?” she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. “Actually, no,” the man replies.

    “Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,” she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

    “Can’t,” breathes the bartender. “He’s not here. Is there anything I can do?”

    “Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message,” she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender’s lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

    “What should I tell him?” the bartender manages to say.

    “Tell him,” she whispers, “there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.”

  54. Typical of the barman in this pub, I leave for a little while and he gives everyone else a drink on the house.

    So unfair………………….

  55. As far as the law is concerned here, telling Irish jokes is racism…I know it’s a joke, so it’s slightly amended to a Kerryman or Corkman etc but they are still told….. PC shit.

  56. Great stuff, GN5.🙂 You even got a rather poor one out of NorthBank.😛

    Parisian barmen, the less said the better. Obnoxious creatures are they. They give me looks that suggest I must have just swam across the Mediterranean.😛

  57. OK, off in a bit. “Love Music Hate Racism” Jig awaits in Dundee. Plus, hopefully some pleasant company. Apart from the wifey of course.🙂

  58. Michael,

    Then I don’t belong on here………………………if you cannot differentiate between humour or racism.

    I am the least racial person you will ever come across and I’m way too old (75) in the tooth to change my ways based on an extreme interpretation of racism.

  59. I was out with a lady recently, as we walked passed this incredibly expensive restaurant, she said that smells divine, and I had to agree. So being being really kind and generous, we turned round and I walked her passed it again.

  60. GN5
    It’s not me, I don’t make the rules….the trouble with current racism laws is it seems to cover banter, abuse and hatred under the one hat.

    There was never any thought of you being racist, just the stupidity of the law.

  61. So this French girl, very pretty, goes to her English doctor and is waiting in the reception.
    After a little wait he brings her back to exam room and says: hallo FEE-FEE . How are you?
    Fee-fee: doktor doktor, there is bog in the bosh.
    He says : excuse me?
    Fee fee: doktor, doktor I have bog in the bosh.
    pointing down there.
    He says: o I see, take off you clothing and ill examine you.
    Afterwards he gives her a cream and says to use it for three weeks then revisit him. She comes back after three weeks and after a little wait he asks her about her her issue. So how are you fee fee?
    She say: doktor doktor , I’m great. I’m good. the bog is gone. The bosh is gone and so is Pierre’s moustache.🙂
    another round on the house . Give GN5 what he drinks and put it on my tab. 😉

  62. 1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:

    Marrying you has screwed up my life.

    2. I see your face when I am dreaming.

    That’s why I always wake up screaming.

    3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;

    This describes everything you are not.

    4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,

    But I only slept with you ’cause I was p*ssed.

    5. I thought that I could love no other

    — that is until I met your brother…

    6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.

    But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head.

    7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;

    But don’t take that paper bag off your face.

    8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes

    Damn, I’m good at telling lies!

    9. My love, you take my breath away.

    What have you stepped in to smell this way?

    10. My feelings for you no words can tell,

    Except for maybe ‘Go to hell.’

    11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?

    Two parts vodka, one part lime.

  63. They make a nice pair, don’t they !. 🙂

    I always look back to my last comment when coming on fresh for a new day and what do I see……69er praising Transplant for my Toupee or not Toupee joke !…..cheeky bastard !. hahaha
    Actually, the funniest thing I read was not even one of GN5`s jokes, but his comment @8:21pm…………” Terry………..It doesn’t matter where you pop up – you always bring a smile to my face. Ta……….”. Now given Transplants numerous fetishes, lets take the mild one of smoking whilst shagging !. Now you have to use your imagine for this, but from the comment, all I could visualise was GN5 a sleep and then awaking at 2am in the morning only to find Transplant laying next to him lighting up a cigarette whilst lubricating his pop -up !. Question is…..would it bring a smile to GN5`s face ?. hahaha

    They say these Old Mounties in Canada always get their man !

  64. Michael,

    Whose “law” is it anyway – sods?

    It’s both ridiculous and most likely unenforceable.

    I switch the nationality to suit the occasion/mood but I frequently tell/write/post jokes with a multinational flavour, British, English, Irish, Scottish, Welsh, Jewish, Russian, Serbian, American, Canadian, Mexican,Gay, Lesbian, Religious, Political etc………..

    None are of racial, religious or political intent but are meant to bring a few smile into peoples lives and if there is a law against any of that then I will simply ignore it.


    If you find these jokes problematic I will cease and desist posting them on your site – please let me know.

    Thanks for the offer of a drink GOONERKAM but the bloody barman didn’t bring me one!



  65. Personally, I have no boundary`s with any humour at this moment in time, not saying it could not change, but I have never read or been told a joke which has offended me !.
    Cant say the same for my missus, if Jimmy Carr is on the TV and tells a paedo joke, she`s straight out of the room and off to her mums ! ( she lives next door in the annexe ! ). Which is fine, as it gives me the chance to raid the sweet cabinet, get naked, put the Savile mask on, then put some ring donuts on my chopper and answer the door to the trick or treaters and say…….” how`s about that then boys and girls ? “…………….well that’s what happened last Halloween !. hahaha…………….just joking !….I would never do that !….too fcuking cold in late October to be naked, I wear one of those glitter band costumes instead !. hahaha
    I have no problem with any jokes and being a cockney, if there are any ones about us cockneys, then the more the better, I wont scream racism against cockneys, we take any shit and are probably unshockable !.
    Remember, If you want a blog to be like being with your mates down the pub, then think what you say and do with your mates down the pub, basically we take the piss out of each other !. Just an opinion !.

  66. Bloody hell, I get back from the other bar and it’s all gone serious on here…… I did say help yourselves🙂 Time for bed, the Gunners Arms opens early tomorrow. I’ll leave you with this one:

    I met my wife at a dance, I thought she was at home with the kids!

  67. Great entertainment chums. Not only in this space, but the gig as well. I have two left feet but pride myself on being good at dancing on a chair, better still a sofa or a reclinable armchair. Not saying anyone else agrees. Have not chair-danced so much in a long time!

    Organised by a loosely-knit club called “Unite against Fascism” of which Unison, the trade union is a part, plus various secular political parties including my wifey’s party, the Socialist Workers Party. Great music, and there was a slideshow playing in the background. It was a pleasant surprise to see several shots and clips of the missus.

    Anyway, great fun, but too drunk now!🙂🙂 Thank you pub landlord.😛

  68. Morning all…….. the bar is open🙂

    No idea why it got a bit serious on here yesterday, I didn’t see anything out of order.

    Anyways, me off to bar this lunchtime, so won’t be around much until 3:30pm to hopefully watch the first game of the season on Arsenal Player, thanks for the link Cockie (or was it Transplant Terry?)

    GN5, don’t woryy about your jokes mate, they may be bad but they don’t go so far as to upset anyone.

    *shower* *smelly stuff* *coat* and off I go….. laters SoreArses.🙂

  69. Rascism? A touchy subject. For me, rascists are fools who fail to understand that despite some ones background, everybody is after your money. Why should i favour a white man over some one of colour, when i know that given half a chance they would both have a hand down my pocket.

    They have to get up pretty early in the morning to catch me out

    Before I go on, this has nothing to do with GN5’s harmless jokes. Out of all the posters i have encountered since blogging, i have more respect for him than any other. As soon as the adoption papers go through, i will be very proud to call him dad. hahaha

    Overall, i am with Cockie. Humour should have no boundrys, However, it should be reigned in as not to upset others, but personally i quite enjoy beeen racialy abused

    Bubble, Zorba, Chilie sauce pal? Hows the Goat Terry?, yes, I enjoy all of that.

    A few years back i started a business venture were rascists could abuse me. Words like bubble and grecian 2000 were 50p a whack, calling Archbishop Makarios a nasty name £1, insulting Zeus and Appolo £5, and bad mouthing Demis Rousous £25

    For hard core rascists that wished to beat me up, £500 was the going rate. But I had to give it up when i realsied that everybody was interested in this offer, including so called firends, family, and my wife.hahaha

  70. GN5
    In all honesty, I can’t see how you thought I accused you of anything, and if you did take it that way I apologise…I am certainly not offended…carry on.

    I have just read that it took 20 mins to convince Cesc to go to Chelsea and that he never wanted to come back to us.

  71. knock knock. First game of the season, is it? COYG.

    Publord, a pint of bitter, salted peanuts, and a bowl of chips please. Sorry, make that 3 pints, one for GN5 and one for NorthBank as well. What? They are Knot Ear? Oh, never mind, I am sure they would not mind their beers a bit warm. They are English after all.

    What? Who? Racist. Me? You must be joking. Just some innocuous pub banter mate. Perfect accompaniment to an Arsenal game.

    Oh dear, what a day. Any new toys this morning?

  72. Morning all,

    arnie, thanks for the beer offer but as usual it doesn’t appear on my table, the virtual barman puts the money in his packet, its the only way he knows, he even nicks the glasses.

  73. Arsenal play today = so life starts again.

    This will be my 67th season of watching the Gunners starting with my 1st game on Nov 22, 1947. Before that 1st game I used to stand outside the ground and wonder what it was like inside and I was very envious of those lucky souls who could afford a ticket. After that game, like any “educated” Highbury boy I found a way never to miss a home game, I became the stewards worst nightmare, but they never did catch up with me.

    Anyway both sides of my family are rabid Arsenal supporters, with my maternal grandfather having watched the very 1st game at Highbury in 1913 – so our family support goes back over 100 years.

  74. arnie,

    Come and join me at The Nags Head, this pub doesn’t deserve our patronage, I’d complain to the owner about it but I fear he will ask me to view his etchings and that’s a very scary thought!

  75. GN5. shocking, shocking. I blame the French influence. That is the reason why Napoleon’s countrymen have not even been able to run a corner newsagent shop efficiently, let alone a pub!😛

  76. even worse. refusing to watch the young good guys from the Academy fight it out against the Boring woodmen. What next? Probably subscribe to BT Sport in the pub? Refuse to serve good old fashioned bitter? Or delightful single malts?😛 Or a full Scottish all-day breakfast, yummy haggis and black pudding in tow. :raxx:

    Cognac and over-priced over-hyped local French wines is it? Nay, not for me. As bad as over-priced below-standard numpties in the transfer market.😛

  77. shocking, shocking, absolutely shocking.😦 Trading Standards, where are Trading Standards.😛

  78. He calls himself a supporter but he lets a wine induced hangover stop him watching the next generation of Arsenal players – what next – I bet he’s even one of the black scarf boo boy’s!!

  79. Never mind that all that stuff, lads !……what sort of pub is this ?….no fcuking stripper !….disgraceful !.

  80. May be not that appealing, but there is a stripper, Cockie, if you care to peep into the back room. The name is NorthBank!😛

  81. Cockie, we could, and maybe should, go on and on and on……………… This pub is like a ship with no rudder and it’s Captain lies prone on the deck – too much rum I fear.

    All that’s on his mind is the next poor unfortunate who is going to be covered in his etchings……………….

  82. A naked NB69 – oh Geez I just thought about the significance of the numbers in his pseudonym. He even advertizes his sexual preferences – how crappy is that?

  83. Boy oh boy arnie we are like two innocents being silently taunted by a professional seducer…………..
    We should make our escape while the going is good.

  84. I wouldn’t mind betting that he’s got the body of an eighteen year old …………………….and keeps it in the freezer!!!!

  85. Well I’m getting dry so I’m back off to the Nags Head.

    I think he wants all of his ladies to have the same position in society as Lady Chatterly …………….horizontal!!!

  86. arnie, You will not believe this! I thought I would give the pub another shot so I drove all the way here and guess what? The bloody doors are locked! It’s Saturday night and the pub is closed up, and I thought that at my age I’d seen everything?


  87. Morning to all you discontented comedians.🙂

    I went out again last night. Drinks with my new thespian friend, she calls herself an ‘actress’!

    New Sunday supplement post will be hot off the press soon….. just need a glass of wine and some cheese and baquette, then a quick proof read and voila….. Roberts ya uncle. So the bar will be open in a short while. In the distance, the tinkle of glasses being washed, the clack of shelves being replenished with bottles, the slosh of beer pipes being cleaned….

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