Match preview: Leicester vs Arsenal plus food for thought!

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometeres (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

You have to go back to the premiership of 2003/04 for our last away game to the Foxes, it ended 1-1 and in 2000/01 we beat them 3-1 at Filbert Street.  On those two occasions Leicester went on to be relegated. In 1929/30 however, it must have been a right cracking game, finishing 6-6. Some of you on here may have been at that game? A famous supporter of the club was Engelbert Humperdinck, who when I googled him, is surprisingly still alive) and Frank McClintock played for them from 1957 -1964 before he came to the Arsenal and was also their manager in 1977/78. Out of 60 games at Filbert Street, Leicester have won 21, we’ve won 18 and 21 have been drawn. But since Wenger we’ve not lost a game against them.

In their first game in the top flight for a decade Leicester managed to keep Everton to a 2-2 draw at the now King Power Stadium, coming back twice from behind to deny the Toffees the three points. Then a week later against Chelsea the Championship winners caused the Chelsea defence some anxious moments. They appear to be very good on the counter attack and have a couple of good strikers in Nugent and Ulloa. They have also just signed Cambiasso from Inter Milan but I doubt if he’ll be ready for today’s game.

News from London Colney is that Arteta and Gibbs are still not ready to return, Diaby played 45 minutes in mid-week for the U-21’s so will probably not be included today. Ramsey is available again after being suspended for the game against Besiktas. David Ospina is now back to full training and is available again but not entirely match fit. Gnabry is progressing but is nowhere near to being back in the group.

I have a feeling that Sanchez may be rested or at least start on the bench. He has had three tough games since the start of the season and on Wednesday night against Besiktas literally ran until he dropped. I’d be surprised if Wenger plays him from the start. Leicester aren’t going to be a walkover but it could be a good time to rest him. Campbell, Oxlade, Sanogo and Cazorla should give us enough options up front to do the job today. The other night Mertesacker didn’t seem fully up to speed so perhaps Chambers will step in next to Koscielny. I don’t see any reason why Wenger should not go for an attacking team line up, so my amateurish guess will be:

 

submit football lineup

Bench: Martinez, Bellerin, Mertesacker, Flamini, Rosicky, Sanchez, Podolski.

Flamini could be used for the defensive midfield role but on Wednesday night Jacko had an excellent game and I could imagine Wenger giving him a chance to build upon that. And Sanogo could always start instead of Campbell but my thinking is that Joel needs a start and I’m not sure if Sanogo is 100% fit. So surely this would be the game to let Campbell stretch his legs, despite having played in mid-week in the U-21 game. But then again, there have been rumours galore this week that Campbell is on his way out on loan again, I would be very doubtful if that were true.

Wenger still has lots of options for team rotation despite our current injury list, however, his comments in recent press conferences have intimated that he hasn’t finished in the transfer market. We have till tomorrow to find out if he has been active or not. For todays game, whatever the starting XI, I’m predicting a cheeky 3-1 to the Arsenal, Ramsey to get at least one.

 

 

The  Sunday Recipe.

This idea has been marinating in my head since I first started this blog and a few days ago on Arsenal Arsenal the talk turned from football to food. Whilst reading some of the comments my idea started to cook again as an idea for this blog. This simple but delicious recipe was given to me by  Claudette, a neighbour of mine when I first moved to Avignon. Claudette was from Normandy and often used to invite me to eat with her. She was 84 years old and still loved to cook. So I’m going to call the dish,  ‘Claudette’s Boozy Chicken’, it’s a creamy, alcoholic dish with hints of orange.

Ingredients: (serves four)

4 lean chicken breasts without skin

Flour, seasoned with salt and pepper

Two diced onions

40g butter

half cup of Grand Marnier.

half cup chicken stock

250ml single cream

Coat the chicken breasts in the seasoned flour and shake off excess. Heat the butter in a large frying pan and fry the chicken until golden brown, turning once. Remove from pan and keep warm. Fry the onion gently until translucent and return the chicken pieces to the pan. Add half of Grand Marnier and the chicken stock, cover and simmer for 30 minutes. Remove the chicken to a serving dish and keep warm.

Add the remaining Grand Marnier and the cream to the pan, stir gently until warmed through, check for seasoning and then pour over the chicken. This dish is good served with rice but my favourite accompaniment is roasted new potatoes and carrots glazed in caramelised sugar. It’s a very quick and tasty dish to do. bon appétit!

Right, time for a glass of wine and some spicy chorizo…. hope you enjoyed your visit. Until the next time.

à bientôt

GunnersoreArse, the Sunday supplement to beat all Sunday supplements. A creamy boozy mix of football and other stuff whenever ever it takes my fancy.  The Arts supplement can be seen here:  http://wp.me/p4PyIS-W  

This week a brief examination of ‘erotic art’.

 

 

 

 

 

Ten men and one nil, nerve-racking but magnificent stuff!

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

I’m writing this immediately after the game, typing whilst under the influence, intoxicated not just by the alcohol, but by the way we played. It wasn’t an easy game, Besiktas played extremely well to their credit. But we just edged it, and with only ten men for the last 15 minutes. A magnificent performance. The boys dug in, played for each other and pulled off a result. And in the process, Alexis lost his virginity thanks to the quick thinking of Wilshere after some good link play between him and Özil, not a brilliant goal, but a goal none the less.

When down to 10 men, it galvanised the team and the fans together. It was an excellent atmosphere in the stadium. Those last fifteen minutes had my bum squeaking like a dogs toy. It was more than just nervy , but the team held on, despite a couple of good chances created by Besiktas which could have levelled the score. Demba Ba rose into the air for a cross but Mertesacker went with him and Ba failed to make contact. Bilic was going berserk in the stands. Courage was needed at that stage and the boys didn’t fail us, they superbly worked together to see out the match. Sanchez and Wilshere worked tirelessly but Jack was lucky not to concede a penalty, slipping into a Besiktas player in our penalty area, it wasn’t intentional but luckily the ref waved play on, just one of many bizarre decisions, but on this occasion to our benefit.

So the Arsenals fantastic record of Champions League qualification stays intact, Besiktas tried their hardest to ruin the party but on this occasion we somehow found the balls to scrape through. It seems this is becoming the norm after our first few games, not our normal beautiful football, but digging in and getting a result, it would appear that Wengers famous ‘mental strength’ has finally arrived. When the beautiful football eventually materialises and links up with this new found ‘grit’, it will be a joy to watch.

Alexis Sanchez

Sanchez falls to the ground at the end of the match….. knackered

Yesterday I predicted the game would probably be a nervy 1-0 to the Arsenal and not a match to enjoy, but at the final whistle, despite having been on the edge of my seat and drinking copious amounts of whisky to stay calm, I realised that I had thoroughly enjoyed it, it was like a cup final. The relief at the end was nearly as good as an orgasm. The boys should be feeling proud of their performance, everyone will have their man of the match because there were a few to choose from, however, I’m giving the team my MOTM, it was a team effort that got the result.

And today we will learn of our fate in the group draw. It could be a tasty one with PSG, Ajax and Roma in the mix. But now we’re through the team can concentrate on the Premier League for a while. Start to work on finding our beautiful passing game that has recently gone missing, building on the great team spirit that seems to be infecting the players. That starts at Leicester on Sunday.

On a final note, yesterday we had Wenger being extremely vague about Giroud, saying that he wasn’t sure about the injury and that he was waiting for examinations to be carried out. But then later in the day we hear Giroud has in fact undergone surgery. Is Wengers cagey stance a sign that he is looking for reinforcement in the CF role, trying to avoid the inevitable price hike when teams realise he is desperate?

We’ll know by the end of the weekend.

Right, time for a glass of wine and some spicy chorizo…. hair of the dog! Hope you enjoyed your visit, until the next time.

à bientôt

GunnersoreArse, caused by lots of squeaky noises emanating from my arse last night. Don’t forget, there will be my normal Sunday supplement at 9am GMT on Sunday morning. Something to read whilst enjoying your morning coffee.

 

 

 

The injury Gods unkind to Wenger once again.

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

It was on the cards wasn’t it? We were all waiting for it weren’t we? It was inevitable don’t you think? It was a tragedy waiting just around the corner, and just as we least expect it, it leaps out and bites us in the ankle. Injury strikes once again, but not half way through the season this time, oh no, but just as the season fucking starts. The list gets longer: Gibbs, Diaby, Koscielny, Arteta, Ospina, Sanogo, Walcott and now Giroud. Add to that a suspension for Ramsey and our team is already at crisis point for one of the most important games of the season, the one that we need to win to get us into the Champions League group stage.

Just as Wenger was saying the team is well stocked with forwards, we hear that Giroud has damaged his ankle. In his press conference yesterday Arsene Wenger confirmed Giroud will miss tonights Champions League play-off second leg with Besiktas but added:

“After that, we don’t know how long he will be out for. It’s sad for us. Olivier will see a specialist, then we’ll make an announcement of how long he’ll be out.”

Sanogo is apparently fit to play but Theo isn’t back for another few weeks. This leaves us with Sanchez, Campbell, Sanogo and now that Wenger has said he is going nowhere, Podolski. All of a sudden our forward line isn’t looking so well stocked. If Koscielny is fit ( he was in the training video yesterday but Wenger didn’t mention him) then our back four should be more solid, Wenger could take a risk with him for such an important game or he may start on the bench. Add to that Arteta and Ramsey missing from midfield and the team for tonight, well, your guess is as good as mine, but it could look like this:

:submit football lineup

Bench: Martinez, Bellerin, Chambers/Koscielny, Sanchez, Rosicky, Campbell/Sanogo, Podolski.

It doesn’t look too bad. I’d put Campbell up front because he has the CL experience and I think he would be motivated, but Wenger will probably play Sanogo. The rest of that line up are familiar with playing together, and that’s what we’ll need tonight, a team who have already had substantial playing time together. Sanchez has been a bit too wayward in his first few games and shouldn’t be risked in my opinion. Flamini and Wilshere covering defensive midfield will give us more chance of keeping a clean sheet, which will be vital. If Besiktas score a goal we’ll be looking to score two to go through. The weakness in that line up is Santi on the left-wing and how that leaves Monreal exposed, but I would see Flamini covering that side to alleviate the pressure on the left back. Demba Ba will be up for it tonight and going all out to score.

If we get through I’ll be very relieved and I think we will, it just means I’ll be  on the edge of my sofa for the whole game. But tomorrow will we see Wenger running down the Transfer Supermarket aisle with his trolley, trying to get it filled just before the shop closes. In his rush he could end up mistakenly buying a bottle of Château Plonk instead of a Château Haut-Marin. If the rumours on Giroud are correct and he is out for a minimum of three months, we need more than Eto’o on loan, we need something more than Remy! It’s interesting that when we had Giroud fit, Remy for me would have been an ideal back-up, now however, in this situation he just doesn’t tick all the right boxes. Wenger needs to go for a proven CF and this late in the window, that is going to be near impossible. Furthermore, teams knowing that we are now desperate, prices will rise, so we could end up with a bottle of over priced cooking wine, called Château Welbeck! This is assuming Wenger will even look for CF cover.

If Campbell is given a chance I think he can come good as a stand in CF, and if Sanchez can find his feet soon then the attack will be vastly improved. But these are big ‘ifs’ and what we need right now is a solid forward line capable of scoring. I don’t see that at the moment and even if we get a new CF to cover Giroud, as we’ve witnessed with Sanchez, there will be a bedding in period. And all the time there is always the risk of further injuries. Welbeck at £16m is looking like a very good gamble in my eyes right now. Has Wenger made a gaff by not buying earlier? Or has the problem been the fact that we didn’t have CL football yet? A bit of a chicken and egg scenario I suppose. What we do know however, is that we need another CF, another DM and possibly another CB. It’s a very large shopping list that perhaps Wenger will not be able to get into his shopping trolley before the supermarket closes.

I predict a very nervy 1-0 to the Arsenal. I’m not sure if it will be a match to enjoy, but wherever you are watching it…. stay calm!

Right, time for a glass of cheap plonk and some quality spicy chorizo….. hope you enjoyed your visit. Until the next time.

à bientôt

GunnersoreArse, the blog equivelant to a bottle of Château cooked cabbage, you just have to smell it to know there are better blogs out there. Not just a Sunday supplement now, but going to press every Arsenal match day. Get your order in while stocks last.

Painting credit: “The Scream” by Edvard Munch.

 

 

 

It really was a game of two halves!

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

A trippyup to Merseymold saw the Gunnerboydies linely up experimode by Wengloder in a boldilode format. Very boldilode indeedo but with just one-squaredy strike-up, the firstly half-bitty saw us make upply no realbie chancewisely and the Gunnerboydies were two-largely goalballs down after 45 minudies. Sanchlodey was playlikely the lone strikemanlo and it failedy misrabobbly.

The Evertoonllys oftenmovey easy-peasloid though our middle field dwellers and back ganglers, Mertosackly and Chambling newby to workling togethly. Lackly deep penetratio in the front liners and Debuclo putting many crosslings to no-manly in the boxy. Dearo dearo, lookly likelode a repeating fluffly result as lastly meeting at Goody Parkland. The firstly goal resulto a mistakly in the back-ganglers. The secondly goal-ball was deflo off-sidely and the linely-wankman made a brainbocker there. Folly.

Weary Weary and all achy in the legly, Sanchlodey was substitutely at the middly time. His workrately was competishy and he gave off-like 100 percenting but to no benefishy. No needy for bombardy with criticole on this occasion, perhaply too muchloady and too soonwise!

Starty of the secondy half-bit saw Giroiddy comely off’load the bench-warmer and soonly made a diffoid. Much shouty shouty from the Gooner populode, very loudy indeedo. And now-wise changeling much formattingly and bingly, mucho chest puffing, more runnage and tricklyhow footy play from the Gunnerboydies. I had a senseloadly that we could comely backish into the game, did we havelo the dangloids? More substitutely from Wengloder at the 70th minudy and Cazorladdy and Camblo came on for Jackolad and Oxly. oh joy, what diffro now time. The Toffmanlys on the backly-footleg and panicly their back-ganglers are scaredo. And goodly mordle, Ramblo good runnage into the boxly and it’s a goal-ball. Much joy, much joy. The Arsenly people-loders singly even moreover loudly.

But timage is shortling, can the Goonlers get another goal-ball before the finishing? Comely on, comely on you Gunloaders, Nachoboy controlly a badly ballo from the Ramblo and crossling into the boxlo, Giroid takes it on the headlo thingly and it’s a Goal-ball, oh my, oh my, jumpling up and downlo, deep, deep joy, oh deep joy. The Gunloaders have the dangloids, not a prettylookly gamewise but showingly the persistinglo and resolvoid that we lackedly in the lasto season. Overlo happy.

My match preview yesterday got the team selection wrong but predicted the score of 2-2, so I’ll allow myself a little smile. I also predicted Everton being unable to hold on to a lead, as they failed to do a week earlier against Leicester. And they showed once again that they are vulnerable when in the lead, and we showed for the second week running, that we have the fight and the resolve to come back from being a goal or two down. If this is what was missing last season to win the league, then perhaps we can win some of the games ugly against the top six away this season and do the job. Deep joy.

Right, time for a glass of wineload and some spicy chorizoid…… hope you enjoyed your visit. Until the next time.

à bientôt

GunnersoreArse………a supplement with dangloids, every Sundly morno at 9am GMT. An Arsenly blogglo for the peep-loders.

Saturday preview: Everton vs Arsenal

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

Goodison Park this evening. It only seems like yesterday that we were battling with the Toffees for fourth place last season. They gave us a good run for our money and I see them as a real threat again this season as well. Last weekend when we were slogging it out to get a result against a Pulis free Palace, they were just about getting a draw at newly promoted Leicester, conceding two goals in the process. They are beatable but Lukaku will be an ongoing problem for our defence and I have doubts about us keeping a clean sheet.

Mertesacker will hopefully be back in the team next to Kos and with Arteta injured I would like to see Wenger putting Chambers into the DM role. From what I’ve seen of him so far at CB he has shown that a move slightly forward into mid-field would not be a strain on him. He has shown a very mature footballing brain in his first few games. He is confident and quick into the tackle, he is good on the ball and he moves forward and passes with intelligence. Up front I would really like Wenger to change things around and go for a pacy, attacking front line of Sanchez, Oxlade and Campbell.

For me, after his last two performances, I’d want Giroud dropped to the bench. Why people are saying he isn’t match fit I’ve got no idea. He was at the World Cup and has been back in training and participating in pre-season. I see no reason for the excuses but perhaps it’s a mental thing, on Tuesday night in Turkey he appeared to have no energy and hardly made any movement off the ball. He was puffing and panting like a 40 fag a day man, and the French do like their fags! It makes me wonder what he was doing on his two-week holiday to make him so unfit. Another who needs benching is Carzorla, in the last two games he has failed miserably on the left wing, it just isn’t his place and he has been woefully inadequate, continually moving into the middle and congesting the central mid-field. Sanchez (Alexis) has shown he has the energy and the motivation, moving about the pitch with ease but his final pass has been left wanting on a few occasions, I hope it’s just him adapting to the team and how we play.

Everton will be playing a much more open and free-flowing game compared to Palace last week. This will give some of our players, Ramsey and Ozil for instance, more room for creativity. And with Sanchez, Oxlade and Campbell up front, the chances of a quick break will always be a threat. Furthermore, they will be without Barkley, who would normally be trying to boss the midfield.

Along with Lukaku, Everton have Naismith up front as well. He scored last weekend and could be a threat but against Leicester they conceded on two occasions when in the lead, so they are vulnerable. I don’t see a repeat of last seasons result, I would go for a draw, 1-1 or 2-2.  Out of our last 15 league and cup games with Everton, last season was our only defeat. Out of the last four games, three have been a draw. Everton don’t have a strong defence and can easily concede, whereas we have a strong defence and therefore should try to capitalise on their weakness with pace up front, but without the gung-ho start which saw us crucified in April. My team selection is below, but I don’t really see Wenger going for this. It is my selection but my naivety with regards to tactics and team selection is renowned throughout the bloggosphere so get ready for Wenger to pick something totally different. I just enjoyed playing with the team selection widget thingy-me-bob.

 

submit football lineup

Bench: Martinez, Bellerin, Flamini, Rosicky, Wilshere, Giroud, Podolski.

I would see Campbell and Sanchez exchanging the central role during the match and Sanchez and Oxlade swapping on the wings. With Debuchy and Monreal making runs along the wings the attacking format could be explosive on the break. However, in our last encounter at Goodison Park, our opponents took advantage down our left flank and Monreal was often left exposed. If Santi plays on the left-wing today then that weakness will not be covered. If Lukaku is deployed down our left side then we could be punished once again, this is why I’d like to see the Ox or Sanchez out on the left-wing.

There you go, my first match preview to show the whole Arsenal world what a muppet I am when it comes to tactics and football in general. It’s the team I would pick if I were manager, so perhaps it’s a good thing that I’m not and just sitting in my armchair, playing fantasy manager and drinking a glass of wine. I can leave the headaches of team selection and tactics to Arsène Wenger because he knows best. I just hope we don’t get Toffee’d.

Enjoy the match wherever you are watching it in the universe. COYG’s.

Right, time for a glass of wine and some spicy chorizo……. hope you enjoyed your visit. Until tomorrow when there will be my normal Sunday supplement.

à bientôt

GunnersoreArse…  the final frontier, blindly going forth where no blog has ever gone before, exploring new ways to fuck up tactics and team selection. “It’s an Arsenal blog Jim, but not as we know it”

Turkish delights and a pulled muscle.

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium. Thought an extra post was appropriate this week to start off the Champions League campaign.

And yes, Champions League football once again. And a trip to Turkey once again. And a weakened side through injury once again. Reports are a bit vague but it would appear that Gibbs is out, Koschielny is out and Per still isn’t match fit… or is he still on holiday? I had my team selection all ready and now there’s uncertainty. Besiktas should really not give us any problems but with such a weakened defence, who knows what may happen. After Saturdays late, late win against Palace and some fairly poor performances, you have to wonder what tonight may bring. Below is the team I was hoping to be fielded.

 

football formation

But now fate has intervened, the injury Gods have not smiled on us kindly and just after only one Premier League game, Wenger is having to ‘make do’ once again and juggle the team around with youngsters and players out of position. I know there are still two weeks left of the Transfer Window but the problems in our defence have been obvious for some time and it’s very surprising that a Centre-Back hasn’t already been purchased. Perhaps Wenger was starting to think that Callum Chambers would be the one and perhaps he will be eventually, but that belief will be severely tested tonight.

Going out in the Qualifier is unthinkable. Because what it means is Thursday night football along with the Spuds. But with such an inexperienced defence that could well be a possibility…….. it would be ironic just as people are talking about us having one of the strongest sides we’ve had in years, that we fail to make it to the group stage. Not that that is likely to happen, but it’s a possibility. So we could end up with something like this for tonight’s game.

football formation

I would see Arteta and Rosicky in defensive mid-field duties and Ramsey just ahead of them, feeding Campbell, Alexi and Giroud. But if the team sheet ends up like this then we are in crisis already. What cover for the back four will be on the bench? Will Mert be brought into the team early when Wenger has been saying that if he returns too soon there is the risk of injury? Questions are being asked already of the lack of movement in the Transfer Window after our first four signings. TV5 looked as if he was always in the frame for a move so CB cover was clearly a priority. Chambers has commendably covered for the BFG but there was always a risk of Gibbs and Kos getting injured. So despite some reinforcement up front with Alexi and Campbell, the defence has been left out of the equation. On Mertesacker, Wenger has said:

“I planned to bring the Germans back in contention for Everton but, in case of emergency, I will take Mertesacker to Turkey,” Wenger said. “It’s a bit early for him – ideally he would need one more week preparation but he’s willing to play, no problem. We are a bit short.”

Koschielny was in training yesterday so the panic may be for nothing, lets hope so.

I think we’ll see Wenger quickly dipping into the market over the next two weeks. A new defender has to be a priority, who I don’t know and really I don’t care. We need cover for the two central defenders. I’m looking forward to tonight’s game but with a little bit of trepidation.

Enjoy the game wherever you are and let’s have faith that we can get a win.

New season, new hopes, new dreams!

 

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

It’s time for me to stand up and be counted regarding my footballing knowledge. During the summer I’ve been able to steer clear of the serious stuff and blog about things only vaguely connected to my support of the Arsenal. Now however, with the season starting, I’m forced to put myself on the line. Now I will have to examine the Gunners games, do the occasional post-mortem of a match, write a match review now and again and use my limited knowledge of everything football. Over the summer I’ve been able to spend a whole week thinking about my Sunday post, a week to alter and edit, a week to get it right. Now however, I may only have an evening and part of a morning to put something together and work out how I can sneak in a mention about chorizo. Now push has come to shove and I’ve finally got to show my credentials as an Arsenal blogger and football expert. Can you see my chorizo shrinking and wilting? The finger is finally pointing at me and I have to deliver.

It’s that time of year where our hopes and dreams can be unrestrained and we can fantasize about winning every trophy on offer. The season has only just started and everything in front of us can be won, until the reality of the Premier League kicks in… it’s fucking tough at the top! As this new geezer found out yesterday at Old Trafford.

Firstly, lets examine the current team issues. Generally the team is in good shape, the transfer window has been kind to us and Wenger has been shrewed with his purchases. Alexi, a seriously good winger or striker, depending on your view. Debuchy in for Sagna, the man who kept Sagna out of the French team. Ospina, a capable keeper to keep Chezzers on his toes and this boy Chambers. Everyone was going on about Shaw at Southampton but Wenger managed to fly under the radar and got us this little gem. Flexible, assured, confident and possessing a very good footballing brain. A player who has easily slipped into our way of playing and who will get more and more games as the season progresses. The bonus being that he can play in three different positions, right-back, centre-back and also defensive midfield, which apparently is where Arsène sees him eventually playing. But he has started off playing at CB and has accounted for himself well, very well indeed. Gossip during the week continued about whether Wenger is going to buy again and the focus was on a new CB to replace TV5. Still time in the transfer window to do this if indeed it is a target.

Yesterday I watched the game at a bar in Avignon, on my own, surrounded by Frenchmen who didn’t give a shit about the Arsenal. The barman Ali always gives me some support and can now say, “For fuck sake” with a fairly convincing cockney accent, he keeps me well supplied with alcohol and at the end of the match doesn’t charge me for every one. Which is a bonus when we lose because my consumption increases somewhat, well actually my alcohol consumption increases when we win as well and also when we draw. Ah fuck, lets just say my alcohol consumption increases during a match.

At about the 25th minute mark, after a fairly lacklustre period of football, three lovely women came into the bar and my attention was drawn to a superb pair of breasts that wouldn’t stop looking at me. The passion and desire for the Arsenal all of a sudden took second place to my passion and desire. I got talking with the breasts and found out they were from Lyon and on holiday doing a tour of Provence. Her name was Isabelle and she accepted a drink from me and we began talking about the region. We stood on the terrace in the sunshine chatting where I could just about keep one eye on the TV screen and one eye on the breasts. I missed the Crystal Palace goal but it just increased my interest in the breasts so all attention was then focused on those magnificent objects and not the football. Half-time was approaching so we sat at a table and continued our social intercourse until Ali was shouting at me and it turns out we had scored. I saw the replay, with all the attacking talent we had on the pitch it takes one of our Frenchy defenders to score the equalizer.

Half-time passed far two quickly for me, the chat with Isabelle and her magnificent breasts was going very well and it looked as if I may end up doing a Koschielny. By now a few Frenchmen had moved in on Isabelle’s two friends and the Arsenal didn’t look as they were going to get a result so I concentrated on getting a result with the mammaries from Lyon. Just as the game is coming up to the final whistle there is Ali once again, shouting for me to come into the bar. We’ve scored a second goal, I watch the replay and with all the attacking talent we have on the pitch it takes another Frenchy defender to have an attempt on goal blocked but in the process setting up Ramsey to tap in from two yards. Game over, 2-1 and a win on the first day of the season, the first opening day win for some time.

I was happy, a win and a magnificent pair of titties waiting on the terrace to carry on talking with me. Our match continued well into the evening, I took Isabelle, her superb two friends and her other two friends to another bar where we could have something to eat and the evening ended up at the bar in their hotel and finally, after all my hopes, dreams and desire during the match, I got a result. She kicked me out at 3am, not wanting me to stay all night. And then panic set in, I hadn’t written my Sunday supplement. I was still drunk but knew that I couldn’t let my small band of SoreArses down. So I started writing this post at 4am this morning, knackered but happy. I won and the Arsenal as well, but only just, but showing some grit to come from behind…….. my hopes and dreams get off to a slow but good start. Well that’s my first match analysis done, and did you notice, I didn’t mention my chorizo once!

Right, time for a glass of wine and some spicy chorizo and then I’m going to bed……….. hope you enjoyed your visit. Until the next time.

à bientôt.

GunnersoreArse……….. all about the Arsenal every Sunday morning at 9am GMT. Detailed and expert match analysis every weekend.

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