6-3 6-0 5-1 Game, set and……. let the New Revolution begin!



Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

Firstly, a match report from yesterdays Emirates Cup game between Arsenal FC and Benfica:

We fucking won 5-1, good game, let’s have more please. 

Now to the more important stuff:

 I have, myself, full confidence that if all do their duty, if nothing is neglected, and if the best arrangements are made, as they are being made, we shall prove ourselves once again able to defend our Island home, to ride out the storm of war, and to outlive the menace of tyranny, if necessary for years, if necessary alone. At any rate, that is what we are going to try to do.

It seems quite appropriate to use those words from Winston Churchill just before we start our new campaign. A war cry has gone up, echoing out from the Emirates Fortress across the land far and wide and reaching the ears of our bitter enemies. A war cry giving a very clear message and it is saying:

“We may have been battered and we may have lost a battle or two, but it is not over, the war continues and our army is being re-enforced at this very moment. We are preparing to come back stronger, well armed and more determined. So beware, mock us at your peril, for is it not said that an animal is at its most dangerous when wounded and cornered.”

Last season our pride was hurt, my pride was severely wounded with those three away defeats. If we had lost 1-0 or 2-1 it may have been less painful, but the shame and dishonour of the manner of those defeats was deeply felt with a feeling of humiliation and anger. I was ready to kill, I wanted to take up arms and march on Merseyside, West London and Manchester Central Arndale shopping centre and kill, kill, kill. Such was the pain and anger cursing through my veins. I wanted to see the whole North West of England with streets running with rivers of blood, dismembered bodies piled up high and burned in Lancashire town squares. I wanted to see the suburbs of West London put to the flame and destroyed, the Kings Road pillaged and demolished. I wanted to see Stamford Bridge taken apart brick by brick and thrown into the Thames, Mourinho strung up and hanging from a gallows outside of Fulham Broadway tube station, John Terry hung, drawn and quartered in Sloane Square, Samir Nasri guillotined in Manchester Piccadilly Plaza and Luis Suarez strapped to a chair and tortured by having his teeth pulled out one by one without anesthetic.

I wanted to see the sky Red with the flames of my anger, the streets Red with the blood of my enemies and the Red pride of North London restored. I wanted violent revenge, death and suffering imposed upon our enemies. And I want to see us inflict serious damage and distress upon out opponents in the coming season. Destroy and conquer, demean and humiliate. Draw blood and decapitate, nothing less.

Ah my friends, I jest, enough of jesting, enough! Violence solves nothing. It’s only a game of football is it not. Just 22 God-fearing men on a green English field kicking an inflated pigs bladder. Running amongst the meadow weed, daisy’s and the dandelions, laughing gayly with team mates, opponents and brethren, participating in a friendly sport where it is not the winning that counts but the participation, is that not the important thing?

Is it fuck my fine Gooner friends, is…… it……… FUCK!

I want revenge and I want blood. I want our Red and White New Model Army to be ruthless, determined and merciless, I want them to inflict the maximum of casualties, slow death and degradation upon all our enemies, be it minnow or giant, the weak or the strong. I want us to pull their pants down, grease them up and aim for fucking penetration with the maximum of pain and embarrassment. I want our enemies to leave the field at the end of the battle battered and humiliated, wishing they had never turned up. Take no prisoners!

The indignity of last seasons defeats have been analysed to death, so there is no need to examine them any further. Why suffer even more pain than absolutely necessary, BT Sport have kindly done that for us with their adverts. No, the most important thing is that we have reinforced our army and weaponry, we are preparing for a new campaign and we have sent out a very clear war cry, “We are back, we are stronger and we are ready.”  And as we step into the unknown and hope that fate smiles kindly upon us, let the battle commence………………….


Right time for a glass of wine and some spicy chorizo….. I hope you enjoyed your visit. Until the next time.

à bientôt

Giving a GunnersoreArse to our enemies…. grease, aim and penetrate! Every Sunday morning at 9am GMT. And on a nice cultured and artistic note, you can read my Arts Sunday supplement on page 2 here:  http://wp.me/p4PyIS-A

The Sunday Poll: Who will be the Arsenal top scorer 2014/15. (all competitions)

ha ha, after yesterdays game, how many will now choose Sanogo!




181 thoughts on “6-3 6-0 5-1 Game, set and……. let the New Revolution begin!

  1. NB, You are a very scary bastard……..

    I was at the Grove yesterday. I thoroughly enjoyed the game. I’m very impressed and very optimistic…..Bellerin and Campbell made the biggest impression on me….to think that Ramsey was also playing that is saying something….Sanogo has a ‘ganglious’ gate that leaves people to think he is clumsy….I think he will get better and better….

    I’m back there again today…..can’t wait….

  2. Georgaki

    You are a lucky bastard going to the games…. and apparently you’ll be meeting up with the lovely Passenal 🙂

    I was very impressed with Bellerin yesterday…. did he start his career as a winger? Picked out that pass to Campbell with precision.
    I think I may have high hopes this season 🙂

  3. Yeah, I’m hoping to met up with Passenal before the game because I have to leave as quickly as possible after the game to get back to Chesterfield…..the sun is shining here and it is fucking beautiful….

  4. I agree with Goergaki……..NB, you are indeed a very scary man you wine drinking, chorizo eating bastard………..what’s even scarier is that I want the same thing to happen to our enemies! Oh well! I guess all’s fair in love and war!
    I am loving the look of the entire arsenal squad. The team plays for each other, you can spence a general togetherness among them. Every player wants to play for Arsenal and the manager and as such, there is fierce competition for places……..and then there are the academy graduates who are banging and kicking on the door!

    2014/15 here we come……..Divide and conquer, take no prisoners!

    Nice blog NB!

  5. I agree with Goergaki……..NB, you are indeed a very scary man you wine drinking, chorizo eating bastard………..what’s even scarier is that I want the same thing to happen to our enemies! Oh well! I guess all’s fair in love and war!
    I am loving the look of the entire arsenal squad. The team plays for each other, you can sence a general togetherness among them. Every player wants to play for Arsenal and the manager and as such, there is fierce competition for places……..and then there are the academy graduates who are banging and kicking on the door!

    2014/15 here we come……..Divide and conquer, take no prisoners!

    Nice blog NB!

    Sorry for the double post. Got my name wrong the first time. Fucking auto-correct.

  6. NB

    Is your knowledge of the geography of England in need of revision? Chesterfield is 135 miles north of London, just 10 miles south of Sheffield. Take junction 29 off the M1…..bring lots of chorizo if you are going to visit me…..

    Right I need to pop out to Palmers Green…..

  7. re posted from AA
    Morning all

    Having now seen the highlights properly our build up play to at least three goals was exceptional.

    If I was going to be critical neither Monreal or Gibbs fill me with confidence at LB.

    Jack will struggle to get into the team.

    We are overrun with classy ball playing midfielders how do you fit them all in.

    I have to say despite this being basically a warm up for the season and that Benfica were pretty poor defensivelyy,Sango gets into good positions and at least faces the goal when there is an opportunity(are you listening Giroud).

    Alexis,Ozil,The Ox and Ramsey and to an extent when required Rosicky and Cazorla, could destroy any team providing we turn the assists into goals,so by my estimation we will score more this season, just have to sort out the defence especially at set pieces.

    It looks a happy camp and Chambers looked very impressive on his debut as did Bellerin.

    Where that leaves Gnabry not so sure as AW has said Campbell is staying.

    Arteta is this seasons target for the haters but it would be nice to see a more physical taller player in his position.
    We do appear to be slightly unbalanced on the left side so maybe Sanchez might fill that void initially.

    We now look more like Barcelona when at their best.

  8. NB,your revenge is scary and am happy you didnt carried it out afterall,its just a game of football,you lose,you win,you draw,FAIR PLAY IS THE GAME,we almost ready for the season……COYG

  9. You are one tough cookie NB and you have the vital ingredient of Arsenal DNA.

    “Revenge is a harmful action against a person or group in response to a grievance, be it real or perceived. It is also called payback, retribution, retaliation or vengeance; it may be characterized as a form of justice (not to be confused with retributive justice), an altruistic action which enforces societal or moral justice aside from the legal system”.

    In other words lets put the bastards back in their places!!

  10. My old man was a tough bugger, but he had an innate sense of justice which he passed on to me… I did go over the top with it on occasion.

    It followed me into my work in Social Work.

  11. Unfortunately I didn’t see the game yesterday but I listened to the audio of the 1st half on Arsenal.com. I’ve since watched the highlights and was, like most of us, very impressed with all of our new players.

    The competition for places is going to be extreme this season, which can only be positive, AW has worked wonders in the transfer market and it proves, once again, that he possesses an incredible knowledge of players and just how they will fit into the Arsenal squad

    If, and it’s a big IF, we can steer clear of long term debilitating injuries we can look forward to an exciting season, one where we can compete on a level playing field with our competition.

  12. Bloody fine piece, NB, with the emphasis on the bloody. Can’t be much wrong with an article that quotes Churchill. Rhetoric must have been his middle name.

    Revenge? Well, it wasn’t anybody’s fault but ours that we were humbled.

  13. NB. – I’ve always hated blatant injustice it’s been an issue with me from my very young days.

    You may relate to this true (100% true) story.

    It happened at Westbourne Road Junior school.
    Each day we were given a half bottle of milk with a straw to drink during our morning break.
    This particular morning our teacher was fed up with the class noise and forbade us to talk for the rest of the morning. The class prefect came round to each desk to give us our milk and straw, our desks were the old fashioned type with the flip up sloping lids with the ink well at the top. Well the prefect placed my straw at top of the desk and it rolled down over the wet ink on my school work and got soiled. I asked him for another straw.

    The teacher yelled out “I said no talking GN5 come to the front of the class”.

    I did as i was asked and tried to explain the situation but he didn’t care to hear my explanation. He pulled out his cane and told me he was going to give me 5 of the best and told me to put out my hand out. Being an obedient 8 year old I did as i was told and he struck me twice, and it stung like hell and drew blood, when the cane came down for the third strike I yanked it out of his hand and slashed him across his legs.

    He marched me to the Head Masters office where I was suspended for two weeks (I was delighted) when I told my Dad what had happened he put me over his knee and sent me to bed with no dinner – for disrespecting authority.

    As a footnote after the incident I became somewhat of a hero in the school yard.

    Longish story but hence my abhorrence for any form of authority.

  14. A little afraid to appear over the parapet after that piece.
    The squad is looking better than it has for a good while now, playing for each other great stuff…the pessimist in me wonders what will go wrong.

  15. GN5

    Same school but after the name change to Alfred Pritchard:

    A teacher, Mr Pizan (think that’s spelt correct) maths teacher. A friend of mine made a snide remark during the class and Pizan threw the chalk board rubber (solid wood) at him and it hit him in the face, breaking his cheekbone. I attacked the teacher and hit him several times with the chalk rubber.

    I was veryn close to being expelled but the injuries to my mate and the class evidence got me off. My Dad congratulated me. 🙂

  16. NB,

    My Dad was still in the army and respect for authority and obeying orders was “drilled” into the soldiers. It affected my relationship with my Dad for a long period but in later years I was able to understand his point of view and the incident was left in the past – where it belonged. But obviously I didn’t forget……..Oh how I abhor authority just for the sake of authority.

    I was equally disgusted with the British Class Distinction which was a prime motivator in us coming to Canada.

  17. NB,
    The 40’s and 50’s were tough times in Highbury and Islington the older folk were trying to build a post war life and us kids were like the “forgotten” and we were left to our own devices most of the time – with the emphasis on “vices”

    We were the original street rats, we knew every nook and cranny and used them to our advantage. Bunking into Highbury was our number one “sport” and we were very successful.

  18. ha ha ha ha, NorthBank. Brilliant. Clarion call to arms!!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

    It seems it is now relatively safe to emerge from the shadows. So, on with the ghosts of the past. Some flirtations with the nasty side on this turf as well, dare I confess. Thrown out of school early, isolated from siblings at home, left home only when dad died young and when I had to support the family. Colourful life, dare I say, with deep scars and so on. Revenge very much part of the game.

    Back to Arsenal, very upbeat this year. Not winning the Emirates Cup is not such a bad thing by my book. Revenge, I support, not against our opponents but maybe some of their scum fans, but certainly against our own demons!

  19. I could’ve done with some of you nasty bastards today. There were some sarcastic twats sitting near me shouting ‘quality’ at most moves made by the team. One twat booed Giroud and displayed a thumb down when his name was announced at the start of the game…….you are all too far away…..

  20. Publord and patrons, my apologies for the rather fleeting appearances. I am a bit under the weather. Some kind of viral. 😦

    Michael, thanks a lot for your compliments on my AA post from a couple of days back. 🙂

  21. Morning All
    Arnie, your welcome and hope you are feeling better.

    Times certainly are changing, I went to the library and asked if they had a book on suicide, the librarian said “fuck off you won’t bring it back”

    Keley, that would be on AA? I don’t always visit there *slaps wrist*

  22. Morning all

    The defence totally inneffective for the set piece leading to the goal. But could be put down to experimental line up. However, in situation like that, with a player like Falcao, you do need to put a man on him. IMHO 🙂

  23. Sorry, NorthBank, on my travels again. Back laters from Boston. If you manage to find some company, please have a drink on my behalf as well. Will join in later.

    LB’s post on AA today is brilliant. Michael, if I may ask, any specific reason for not frequenting AA? Seems a friendly reasonable place to me. 😛

  24. Arnie,
    Habit really, I tend to stick to the same few blogs…writing doesn’t come easily and the possibilities of upsetting people unintentionally is increased…. I have been there, as you are aware.

  25. Michael
    Your writing is fine and you get your sense of humour across. That has often been the problem for me on blogs, my sense of humour doesn’t translate well into writing on blogs. My wit is too cutting and is better face to face where people can see my expression as well.

    Try AA…. they have some very good discussions.


    WordPress ate what??? 🙂

  26. Oh dear I disagree a lot with LB as I have thoughts on both the games lumped together.
    Having said that if Vermaelen does go to Barcelona that makes 31 million back in the kitty so we have spent about 24/25 million.

    I never believe AW so I still expect one more quality signing
    No one will tell you to fuck off on AA in fact the contrary you would be made welcome.

  27. Bloody hell
    These two games at the weekend have really started a debate…. at the moment it’s Campbell, Sanogo Chambers and Sachez(alexi) who are out in front, with Giroud , Wilshere and Arteta slowly coming along from behind.

  28. NB,

    Frankly people making judgments on players after just a few pre-season games is simply ludicrous!
    With the advent of mass media and TV coverage plus the all invasive internet a new breed of “supporters” with their (lack of) knowledge of players and the game has sprung up. To say that they drive me crazy would be a classic understatement – what the fuck do they expect after a mere handful of games?

    These games that are played to bring the players up to the required fitness level for the coming season and to fine tune their skills and nobody in their right mind would use them to access the players ability! It’s only when pre- season is concluded and they are all game fit and ready for the season that a sensible decision on their suitability can be made…………….

    The uneducated “supporter” noise has already started to deafen me!

  29. I agree with you GN5 but I looked at both games and noticed a number of things that concerned me, without tearing into any particular player.
    Just an observation as it is ludicrous not to ignore the fact that we used 18 players in each game,some naturally fitter than others.

  30. Kelsey,

    A manger tries out different combinations of players and different systems during pre-season and based of his observations he will make his final decisions. I trust AW to do just that.

  31. Kelsey,
    Being told to “fuck off” doesn’t bother me, I was raised on a stick and stones policy… being unable to retort quickly and articulately does.

    Thank you, you are too kind, my sense of humour, well I try to lighten things up….well until the heavy hitters arrive, then revert to the shadows.
    Of course, I have my views on the players and club, but seldom share them…as it is an opinion from afar, and my opinion is irrelevant in the scheme of things. Now talking, is different…I’ve been told I could talk a glass eye to sleep. 🙂

  32. ” eye eye” you do have a good sense of humour!

    Times certainly are changing, I went to the library and asked if they had a book on suicide, the librarian said “fuck off you won’t bring it back”

    Now that was really funny……….keep them coming—- you may be able to stem the flow of my well worn oldies!

  33. Evening Sorearses

    69, hahaha. I find your blood lust for revenge both admirable and frightening in equal measure. Especialy considering its coming from someone that looks like you. Lets face it mate, you have a boat that would set sail a thousand ships alright, but in the other direction. hahaha

    Revenge? Why not. They deserve it all right. Football would be very tame without the rivalry.

    Lets face it. When the scousers done us last year the first thought was “thieving gits, weres my fucking wallet?” and the chelsea loss “You dont fool me Morinioh. One day those pictures with you and Julian Clarey will come out”

    Remember, revenge is a dish best served cold. Unless your Morinioh of course. Then its a bit of extortion, a dodgy tabloid news reporter, and a rather dishelved and exhausted looking Julian Clarey.

  34. Terence

    I was a fucking crazy fucker when i was younger, if we lost a game I’d want to fight the world and do some serious damage. things i shouldn’t be proud of, but then what did Edith Piaf sing, ” Non, je ne regrette rien” 🙂

  35. hahaha, ime scared of you now 69, never mind then.

    Now i have this very nice image of you giving a Totnumb fan a kicking whilst calming him between blows with your rendtition of non je ne regrette rien. hahaha

  36. ah those really were the days…. Northbank hooligans. I remember once, a home game against Everton. And just behind us about 20 blokes right at the back of the Northbank started singing Everton songs, but it turns out they were West Ham, just there for the fight. Because they were above us on the terrace it was fucking hard, but we got them off the terrace eventually. Not without a few injuries though. Must have been 68/69 if memory serves me right. I was 15.. and fucking loved it 🙂

  37. NB,

    Sorry mate but football hooliganism was and is totally intolerable.
    It casts a black cloud over our sport and is not justifiable for any reason.
    Just not my cup of tea and as rough and tough as they were none of my family ever got into any football wars.

  38. GN5

    It took up about 3 years of my Arsenal supporting life. I don’t condone it, it was just a few mates having a laugh and the occassional fight with other supporters. But I can’t honestly say that I regret what I did, because I don’t regret anything I’ve done in my life. It’s all been part of the experience. There are dictators and greedy fucking bankers and greedy fucking politicians who have done far worse than me.

  39. No sweat NB you are an honest and open person, my past contains many, many checkered periods/moments but I could never, ever be as honest as you. I keep my past where it belongs – in the past, but like yourself I use it as a learning experience and hopefully for some self improvement.
    But who knows?

    I didn’t intend to make it seem like a “goody two shoes” lecture………………

  40. I know that GN5

    Honesty was always my downfall…… with wifeys and the police 🙂

    I was ya typical villain who said, bang to rights guv… it’s me who did it 🙂

  41. Good morning my tight little Sore Arses. How are things with you today?

    The bar is open and I have a nice bottle of Cotes du Rhone rouge opened and eating some camembert, prosciutto ham and of course, spicy chorizo. bon apetit mes amis. 🙂

    Discussion for today will probably be the rumours linking us with Carvalho. They seem to be gathering some pace…. so is it possible?

  42. Morning NB

    yes it’s possible or someone else as it appears it’s nailed on that Vermaelen is off and therefore one more quality signing and that’s it.

    Personally I would have taken Balotelli even if he has a lot of baggage for at 14/15 million he could do a job for a year or two.

    Is Michael based in the UK or USA or neither ?

  43. reading around the blogs main topic by our fans in no particular order are

    Arteta/Flamini=could or should we buy better

    Wilshere= a defining season for him

    Giroud= what is his best function in the side as he will never be a true centre forward .

  44. Morning Kelsey

    I would have been happy with Mario but now we seem to be keeping Campbell I don’t think he is needed.

    Still no news on TV5….. if AW manages to get a DM/CB then he’ll go.

    You need to ask Michael…. but the way he spells ‘craic’ may give you a clue…. I’ll leave it up to him to contradict me 🙂

  45. good discussions going on on AA at the moment, and BK and ACLF.

    I like Arteta and Flamini but it’s time I think that AW starts looking at replacements. Wilshere the jury is out for me at the moment. Giroud…. this will be his defining season ie: can he play in the team now with the new pace that has been introduced with Alexi, and Campbell ?

  46. Yes the green stone isle it is…. was the emerald isle till the 150 odd greedy bastards bankrupted the place, now it us just an expensive copy.

  47. Michael

    my youngest son is getting married to a girl who lives just outside Dublin.Dad owns a stud farm so at least he can ponce off him 🙂

  48. I’ve always had a thing about Irish girls…. ever since I went out with a girl called Mary Marr from Finsbury Park…. unfortuantely she found out I was only sixteen, she was 19. But good while it lasted… a good crack 🙂

  49. Kelsey
    If its around the Curragh, he’s done very well.

    You are about as as subtle as an air raid.

    And talking of women, I got dumped yesterday. She seemed to think I have an obsession with the Monkees, I thought she was joking….Then I saw her face.

  50. I’m leaving the bar open but I’ve got some people coming for luch so need to do some housework and prepare something. Keep chatting and drinking. 🙂

  51. The Monkees

    .I had a friend in the late seventies, a guy called Tommy Boyd who wrote most of the Monkees hits though I think Neill diamond wrote I’m a believer.Tommy made a fortune but blew it all up his nose,though he had a bit of success in the UK with a band called Darts.

    Whats for lunch NB ? Not chorizo with eggs, chorizo with salad, chorizo with chorizo, etc a bit like the spam sketch on Monty Python.

  52. Kelsey

    Chicken breasts in a white wine and cream sauce, with sauteed potatoes and sweet caramelized carrots.

    Apero is chorizo, stuffed olives and sun dried tomatoes.

  53. “Chicken breasts in a white wine and cream sauce, with sauteed potatoes and sweet caramelized carrots.”

    Is that the lunch or is that what she looks like 🙂

  54. Just popped in to make sure everyone is behaving. Apero finished and I’m on internet searching for some music on Mixcloud before the main course is served. Laters. 🙂

  55. NB
    I see you had a little problem on the sunshine bus yesterday.
    I do dislike “I’m right posts”
    On another note, I had a look at Trip Advisor…they suggested LSD or magic mushrooms.

  56. hee hee Michael

    Yes, I spent a very pleasant couple of hours chewing the fat with someone who wanted me to admit that I had been wrong. This was on some silly fun making comments on ACLF 3/4 months ago. 😀
    But it’s given me an idea for a blog post LOL

    I’ve not long got rid of people after lunch… a bit drunk but chilled. 🙂

  57. Kelsey

    It’s not just the fact that they say they were right all along.. I can accept that (if it is the case) but it’s the expectation for others to say they were wrong and eat humble pie which is the most annoying. 🙂

  58. To me they are like believers in Nostradamus…they make the events fit the narrative.

    NB, I thought about it, but I don’t watch enough of others teams to make any impact…a long way of saying no, maybe I’m getting americanized.

    Just read the death of the Liverpudlian who invented the bullet proof vest.

    R.I.P. Kev Lah

  59. Well no disasters, gossip or scandal in the world of Arsenal today, so no choice but to do the right thing….I going to get a life.

  60. Evening all
    Well I’ve not enjoyed drinking on my own today. Michael popped in and then went off to get a life. 🙂

    No gossip, no money spent on some super dooper hard man fantastic CDM…. roll on Sunday 🙂

  61. Well, well, well – same old story locked doors and giggling from inside. No wonder he’s etching out a living…….

  62. A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking
    at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery.
    Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye.
    “What on earth,” she inquired of the artist standing nearby,
    “is that?”
    He smiled condescendingly. “That, my dear lady, is supposed
    to be a mother and her child.”
    “Well, then,” snapped the little old lady, “why isn’t it?”

  63. The artist tried to concentrate on his work, but the attraction
    he felt for his model finally became irresistible.
    He threw down his palette, took her in his arms and kissed her.
    She pushed him away. “Maybe you other models let you kiss them,”
    she said.
    “I’ve never tried to kiss a model before,” he swore.
    “Really,” she said, softening. “How many models have there been?”
    “Four,” he replied. “A jug, two apples and a vase.”

  64. An artist decided to buy a new easel. He wasn’t too sure what
    type to get. At the art shop they offered him two, a big one and
    a small one.
    He pondered for a while and finally decided on the
    lesser of two easels.

  65. An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest
    in his paintings on display at that time.
    “I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied.
    “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and
    wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.
    When I told him it would, he bought the entire collection.”
    “That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”
    “It was your doctor.”

  66. A flaky artist used to dump cans of paint onto a huge canvas lying
    on the floor and then have nude models slither around on it to form
    abstract designs.
    “Do you derive special enjoyment from using that particular technique?”
    the critic asked him.
    “Not really,” the man replied, “but it’s fun cleaning up the brushes!”

  67. Theres been some good ones this afternoon…. but Michael, that was appalling.

    Anyway bar is closed. Considering I said this morning that drinks were on the house, it’s been a cheap day for me 🙂

    a demain mes amis

  68. Morning NB
    So you didn’t like my seasonal joke, you wouldn’t be the first!!

    My father was in the first war and survived mustard gas and pepper spray..he retired a seasoned veteran.

    Or “Jesus loves you”
    A nice gesture in church, not so nice in a mexican prison.

  69. Can’t wait for the season to start now. Problem is, not sure how we’ll do in the Community Shield. The team will be a bit light.

    But I saw yesterday that Schurrle has returned to training with the Chavs? have our Germans returned from their hols?

  70. Girlfriend said she was getting a brazilian, I suggested she would be better getting a Gaza strip, after the pounding it gets.
    Yes NB roll on football, these jokes get worse by the day.
    With Howard Webb retiring, do you think Utd will retire their penalty spot as a gesture?

  71. With no football gossip worth a hoot, we could discuss something else, perhaps chemistry, I would be in my element.
    nios moille

  72. hahaha, the jokes are getting worse on here, which in a sick way makes them more funny.

    Comedy can be dangerous. I once done a stand up gig for charity and the crowd loved it. The only problem was that to make it relevant I had to use the Vice Chair of the charity as the butt of the jokes.

    The guy, though married, was rumoured to have a season ticket to most knocking off shops in North London

    So after a few quips about how he had cruise control in his car and a very supple arse due to constant massaging, he started to get annoyed.

    When I suggested his wallet had a section for extras, and though never proven, had published an article on the best way to derive satisfaction whilst wearing a condom, he lost it and started yelling for me to stop.

    The crowd just thought he was doing it for comedic effect so just pissed themselves more.

    Eventually he got up and started storming out, leaving me no choice to observe publicly that he had an 8.30 with Olga and her “friend” Ivan didn’t approve of late arrivals.

    A couple of days later I got a letter from his solicitor threatening to sue, but i just responded by saying that Sue was normally his Thursday 8.30. Didn’t here nothing back after that.

  73. hahaha, I dont think Cockie is like that 69.

    Of course neither am I. I hate that Brokeback film. Before that, I would proudly walk down Bounds Green High Road wearing my cowboy hat, leather vest, and tussled pants and no one blinked an eye lid hahaha

  74. Morning all, it’s a lovely day today.

    Family dinner planned for this evening with our children and grandchildren.

    Tommy Cooper tried to pack himself into a suitcase but he could hardly contain himself?

  75. I’ve just been told by a friend that I’ll have a ticket for a home game at the Ems in Feb/march next year…. I’ll be over for about 2 weeks so possible for a meet and a drink before a game. Whoever wants to meet up 🙂

  76. Feeling my age creeping up on me I decided to join a local gym.
    The instructor seemed a bit concerned and asked me how flexible I was?
    I told him that I wasn’t available on Tuesday’s.

  77. My friend woke up in hospital after a serious accident
    He shouted, “Doctor I still can’t feel my legs”
    The Doctor replied, “I know, I had to amputate your hands”

  78. Hi GN5, keep em coming

    Thats great 69. Let me know the game and I will be there. Probably turn up wearing my cowboy hat. hahaha

  79. Terry did you hear about the that sandwich walked into NB’s bar and asked for a drink.
    NB turned him away and said, “I’m sorry but we don’t serve food in here”

  80. My lovely old mum told me a story once about during the war (and before she met my dad I may add)

    She was in a cinema with a yank… he had his hat on his lap and leaned over to my mum and said, “if you want it, it’s under my hat” she loved telling that story……… I never ever asked what happened next 🙂

  81. Two cows were standing next to each other in a pasture.
    Daisy says to Dolly “I was artificially inseminated this morning”
    Dolly says “I don’t believe you”
    Daisy replies “It’s true, straight up, no Bull”

  82. A man walks into the bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm.
    He says to NB “A pint of your best bitter please and one for the road”

  83. A husband and wife had a terrible row.
    The husband says –
    “When you die I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ‘Here lies my Wife – Cold as ever”
    “Okay?” she replies when you die I’m going to get a headstone that reads –
    “Here lies my Husband – Stiff at last”

  84. I was in Tesco’s getting a bit of shopping and bought a bottle of wine. Whilst perusing the selection, I noticed that most of the bottles were screw tops instead of corks, even quite expensive wine.
    Shock horror..How times change.
    As you can see I lead an exciting life.

    If you have pet insurance, and your dog’s is at the vets..do you get a courtesy dog?

    I think I had better get that drink NB 🙂

  85. Michael

    I have been told that screw tops are the better option for wine bottles… much better than cork or even the newer plastic thingy cork.

    And a lot easier to open when you’re desperate for a glass 🙂

  86. Fleeting visit, NorthBank, do I deserve a drink? 😛

    ah, so Chambers is the DM we are looking for? Not good enough, Arsene, we demand another shiny new toy. Being spoilt kids, we demand someone with a transfer fee of £50m at least! 😛

  87. So did you use an irish-english dictionary or guess? Computers are too damn clever.
    Gowl is a local word (try UD) that might well be used this season for L Van.

    Little fact: There are only about 12,000 people who speak Irish as their first language on a daily basis. Oh and I’m not one, perhaps I have 99 other problems (thank you Jay Z)

  88. Later it is, goodbye to a francophile is surely final…and i don’t intend going yet, if for some I’m summoned before I collect my pension, you will hear me blowing fucks into him from your place.

  89. a bientot is see you later, au revoir is to see you soon and adieu is normally never to ssee you again. But you know these french… they change it at their own convenience to suit there needs. 🙂

  90. Djourou completes Hamburg move

    Arsenal Football Club can confirm that Johan Djourou has made his move to Hamburg permanent.

    The 27-year-old centre back spent the whole of last season on loan with the Bundesliga side, featuring 24 times in the league. He also spent the second half of the 2012/13 campaign on loan in Germany, with Hannover 96.

    Djourou joined Arsenal as a 16-year-old from Etoile Carouge in the summer of 2003. He went on to feature 144 times for the first team, and captained the side on a number of occasions. A valuable squad member throughout his time with Arsenal, he played at both centre back and full back for the club.

    A Switzerland international, Djourou helped his country to the last 16 of the World Cup in Brazil this summer.

    Everyone at Arsenal would like to thank Johan for his contribution to the club and wish him continued success with Hamburg.

    Copyright 2014 The Arsenal Football Club plc. Permission to use quotations from this article is granted subject to appropriate credit being given to http://www.arsenal.com as the source

  91. Thanks for that GN5

    Morning all
    Lovely clear blue sky here today, nice glass of chilled blanc in front of me and the possiblility of some work next week. I have to move my sorearse occasionally 🙂

  92. Morning Michael

    Bilbao will be the trickiest…. we don’t wany=t to go to Turkey, despite decent kebas, Copenhagen and Standard are probably the easiest options but Lille would be the easy journey…. quick voyage through the tunnel, give them a battering and then retreat quickly back to London. Would be like Agincourt all over again. 🙂

  93. Turkey wasn’t so difficult last year, and we have so many more options this year. I reckon we will be a lot more dynamic (surely the kiss of death) once players get used to each other.

  94. Court et doux in French…….. but the French have a very poor vocabulary. Did you knw that the French have approximately only 200,000 words in general use, where as the English have over 800,000. It’s a bit of a moot point I know. But interestingly, considering the French have less words in there vocabulary, if you get the same book in English and also in French. For every page in English, the French book will have a page and a half. So the book in French will be several pages longer than in English. Work that one out. 🙂

  95. If you do not want a “hot” meal in Thailand, you cannot fail to remember “my prick my pet” …yes it’s true, only they use a different alphabet. 44 consonants and 22 vowels, so ok I’m a smartarse.

  96. For academic interest. When I was Thailand, I went to a girly bar, as you do, and chatting to some of the girls, I asked if they could tell the difference between hookers and ladyboys. Only when they speak was the general answer, so if your thai isn’t great beware.

  97. Afternoon All,
    I expect NB to be 3 sheets to the wind and looking for his siesta shortly.
    Anyway I see your friend Peaches has heard arseblog has been sold. Curious, but I wonder what sort of money it would make. Curious, no just damn nosey and who would buy it? All these questions and more, unlikely to be revealed by me anytime soon.
    64 word offering in just 11mins 🙂

  98. Michael,

    I’ve heard of, but I’ve never been on arseblog, so it holds no interest for me.

    Does this bar ever open or is it always virtually closed?

  99. GN5
    There is a good piece on Liam Brady taken from the Irish independent on arseblog news today. Well worth a read.
    Virtually closed I think.

  100. A 75 year old lady went to her doctor for a check up. The doctor told her that she needed more cardiovascular activity, and recommended that she engage in sexual activity at least three times a week. A bit embarrassed she asked the doctor to tell her husband.
    The doctor had his nurse call the husband in from the waiting room. The doctor explained the situation to the husband who asked which days would be best, the doctor responded that Monday, Wednesday and Friday would be ideal.
    Okay replied the husband, I can bring her in on Monday’s and Wednesday’s but I play bowls on Friday’s so she will have to take the bus!

  101. GN5
    I’m a selective reader of arseblog, but check it out regularly.

    I accidentally shot someone with a starting gun…I’ve been charged with race crimes.

    A book just fell on my head..but I have only my shelf to blame.

  102. NB

    Many of us couldn’t get on any wordpress sites since last night but all has now been restored.

    I didn’t want you to think we had abandoned you 🙂

    So who lines up tomorrow.City have 8 out and we have the Germans out and Diaby is injured.

  103. Evening sorearses

    Kels, I wouldn’t have noticed, I’ve been on the piss since 11 this morning with a couple of mates. We did a bar crawl of Avignon bars and got kicked out of a couple of them 🙂

  104. NB; when my girlfriend and me decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? Well she was a dream. There was only one thing bothering me, and that was her best friend. She was smart, beautiful and very sexy, sometimes she flirted with me, which made me very uncomfortable.

    One day her best friend called me up. She asked me to go to her place to help finish off the wedding invitations. So I went to her place. She was alone. When I arrived she told me that even though I was getting married to her best friend she had feelings and desires for me that she could no longer hide. So before I married her best friend, she wanted to make love to me just once. What could I say? I was in total shock! Then she said, I’m going up to my bedroom and if you are up to it you can come up and join me.

    I just watched that delicious behind as she went up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, and then turned sharply and went to the front door. I opened it and stepped out into the fresh air. My girlfriend was standing outside, with tears in her eyes. She hugged me and said. I’m very happy; you have passed my little test. I couldn’t wish for a better man to become my husband.

    NB: Lesson learned – Always keep your condoms in the car!

  105. Team for tomorrow:

    ————————— chezzers——————–
    ————– chambers—————-kos———–
    ——————-Alexi——– Campbell—————
    bench: Martinez, Bellerin, Nacho, Rosicky, Sanogo, Wilshere, Giroud

    But I’m a bit boozy so may have got it totally wrong 😀

  106. GN5

    I would have failed miserably and anyway, I haven’t used a condom since I was 16, and only just the once, I swore I would never use one again. 🙂

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