New season, new hopes, new dreams!


Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

It’s time for me to stand up and be counted regarding my footballing knowledge. During the summer I’ve been able to steer clear of the serious stuff and blog about things only vaguely connected to my support of the Arsenal. Now however, with the season starting, I’m forced to put myself on the line. Now I will have to examine the Gunners games, do the occasional post-mortem of a match, write a match review now and again and use my limited knowledge of everything football. Over the summer I’ve been able to spend a whole week thinking about my Sunday post, a week to alter and edit, a week to get it right. Now however, I may only have an evening and part of a morning to put something together and work out how I can sneak in a mention about chorizo. Now push has come to shove and I’ve finally got to show my credentials as an Arsenal blogger and football expert. Can you see my chorizo shrinking and wilting? The finger is finally pointing at me and I have to deliver.

It’s that time of year where our hopes and dreams can be unrestrained and we can fantasize about winning every trophy on offer. The season has only just started and everything in front of us can be won, until the reality of the Premier League kicks in… it’s fucking tough at the top! As this new geezer found out yesterday at Old Trafford.

Firstly, lets examine the current team issues. Generally the team is in good shape, the transfer window has been kind to us and Wenger has been shrewed with his purchases. Alexi, a seriously good winger or striker, depending on your view. Debuchy in for Sagna, the man who kept Sagna out of the French team. Ospina, a capable keeper to keep Chezzers on his toes and this boy Chambers. Everyone was going on about Shaw at Southampton but Wenger managed to fly under the radar and got us this little gem. Flexible, assured, confident and possessing a very good footballing brain. A player who has easily slipped into our way of playing and who will get more and more games as the season progresses. The bonus being that he can play in three different positions, right-back, centre-back and also defensive midfield, which apparently is where Arsène sees him eventually playing. But he has started off playing at CB and has accounted for himself well, very well indeed. Gossip during the week continued about whether Wenger is going to buy again and the focus was on a new CB to replace TV5. Still time in the transfer window to do this if indeed it is a target.

Yesterday I watched the game at a bar in Avignon, on my own, surrounded by Frenchmen who didn’t give a shit about the Arsenal. The barman Ali always gives me some support and can now say, “For fuck sake” with a fairly convincing cockney accent, he keeps me well supplied with alcohol and at the end of the match doesn’t charge me for every one. Which is a bonus when we lose because my consumption increases somewhat, well actually my alcohol consumption increases when we win as well and also when we draw. Ah fuck, lets just say my alcohol consumption increases during a match.

At about the 25th minute mark, after a fairly lacklustre period of football, three lovely women came into the bar and my attention was drawn to a superb pair of breasts that wouldn’t stop looking at me. The passion and desire for the Arsenal all of a sudden took second place to my passion and desire. I got talking with the breasts and found out they were from Lyon and on holiday doing a tour of Provence. Her name was Isabelle and she accepted a drink from me and we began talking about the region. We stood on the terrace in the sunshine chatting where I could just about keep one eye on the TV screen and one eye on the breasts. I missed the Crystal Palace goal but it just increased my interest in the breasts so all attention was then focused on those magnificent objects and not the football. Half-time was approaching so we sat at a table and continued our social intercourse until Ali was shouting at me and it turns out we had scored. I saw the replay, with all the attacking talent we had on the pitch it takes one of our Frenchy defenders to score the equalizer.

Half-time passed far two quickly for me, the chat with Isabelle and her magnificent breasts was going very well and it looked as if I may end up doing a Koschielny. By now a few Frenchmen had moved in on Isabelle’s two friends and the Arsenal didn’t look as they were going to get a result so I concentrated on getting a result with the mammaries from Lyon. Just as the game is coming up to the final whistle there is Ali once again, shouting for me to come into the bar. We’ve scored a second goal, I watch the replay and with all the attacking talent we have on the pitch it takes another Frenchy defender to have an attempt on goal blocked but in the process setting up Ramsey to tap in from two yards. Game over, 2-1 and a win on the first day of the season, the first opening day win for some time.

I was happy, a win and a magnificent pair of titties waiting on the terrace to carry on talking with me. Our match continued well into the evening, I took Isabelle, her superb two friends and her other two friends to another bar where we could have something to eat and the evening ended up at the bar in their hotel and finally, after all my hopes, dreams and desire during the match, I got a result. She kicked me out at 3am, not wanting me to stay all night. And then panic set in, I hadn’t written my Sunday supplement. I was still drunk but knew that I couldn’t let my small band of SoreArses down. So I started writing this post at 4am this morning, knackered but happy. I won and the Arsenal as well, but only just, but showing some grit to come from behind…….. my hopes and dreams get off to a slow but good start. Well that’s my first match analysis done, and did you notice, I didn’t mention my chorizo once!

Right, time for a glass of wine and some spicy chorizo and then I’m going to bed……….. hope you enjoyed your visit. Until the next time.

à bientôt.

GunnersoreArse……….. all about the Arsenal every Sunday morning at 9am GMT. Detailed and expert match analysis every weekend.

The Sunday Poll:

41 thoughts on “New season, new hopes, new dreams!

  1. What a honest review, you didn’t mention how often she crossed her legs or what she looked like though.
    Can do better 4/10

  2. I would call this an alternative match report , a bit like the Queens Xmas Message 🙂
    It really is not good for the BP following our team.
    I have (badly) written a review of the match on AA but we seem to be on auto pilot.

  3. Kelsey
    I read your match report. I only managed to watch the 2nd half, hence no comment on AA. Nothing to argue about from what I saw.
    I did laugh, when all their time wasting came back to bite them in the bum.

  4. I’m awake and have a very nice warm glow… I feel like playing that song, ‘Happy’. 🙂

    Not a great showing by all accounts yesterday, but if we are to win the PL then grinding out results from games like that are essential. My only regret was that I didn’t get Isabelles telephone number and they were leaving today for the Luberon. Ah well, c’est la vie! 🙂

  5. Why is it that when I write about sexual exploits rather than football exploits, I start to get lots of viewings from Denmark, Norway, Sweden and Finland? These Scandinavian countries… all they think of is sex 🙂

  6. Hello Michael

    Perhaps I don’t give enough of the gory details 🙂

    I scored twice last night, just like the Gunners. At my age that is quite an achievement 😀

  7. “He scores when he wants, he scores when he wants, NB69er, he scores when he wants ! “.
    I like to keep abreast of the times and am confused why you never moved to Brest in France !.
    Would it be correct in thinking that like Arsenal you also come from behind as well !.
    Not to taint the French ladies but they do seem to be and I`ll say this in footballing terms…..easy easy easy !.

  8. Thanks 69er for correcting my mistake, there shouldn`t be 2 i`s in Cockie…..I`m a one eyed monster !.

  9. So straight from a dip in the ocean you then dip your chorizo in some syrup !……” ooh la la 69er, it`s all wet and sticky ! “

  10. In her condition, I think them days maybe over !..,……maybe you can send me over an Au Pair girl to help !.

  11. After that write up did you expect any comments about the football? Fuck me whilst writing this I can hear the British national anthem, somebody else won gold too…….

  12. Georgaki

    Which was exactly (I think) in my drunken state I was after… because there really wasn’t much to write about the game. We won… what else was there to write home about? 🙂

  13. Yeah but I’m left fantasising after French tottie……and it take too long to go away….

  14. NB

    I’m left fascinated by a comment you made on your art blog about how you can detect “errors” made by the masters….that is impressive…

  15. Georgaki

    It’s a very simple thing really, I don’t view paintings just as a viewer.I view paintings from the perspective of another painter. For example, if you look at the Degas painting I copied on my blog, the right arm of the figure is not really well done from a perspective viewpoint, it’s just not right. In my copy I’ve tried to correct that. If you look at the Seurat painting I copied, the figure laying in the foreground is out of perspective with the figure sitting on the river bank. Sometimes mistakes in colour rendition are difficult to see in a photo, but if you see for instance, many of the Impressionist paintings at the Musee D’Orsay in Paris, even Manet made mistakes with his colour mixes. It’s just the way I look at them. 🙂

  16. Were the mistakes a reflection of a life-stage? Maybe they were getting ill, that kind of thing?

  17. I’m not sure… perhaps they couldn’t be bothered. Who knows, but I know sometimes I can’t be arsed to correct a mistake because I know 9 times out of 10, no one will notice 🙂

  18. I too don’t look at paintings as a viewer, neither as an artist !……I view them as a ….bastard !…….and have found a mistake in your (69er) painting of Wenger with a bulge in his shorts !….yes the bulge is fine ( and I don’t mean that in a broke back way ), although possibly bulging on the wrong side !, but the main mistake was leaving the even bigger bulge in his shorts from his very heavy hanging wallet !. Until he spends some fcuking money, he is always going to have a massive wallet bulge !.

    Hey Arsene !….Is that a massive wallet bulge in your trousers or are you glad to see me ?.
    “Indeed Le Munster Coq !…that is a massive wallet bulge in my trousers, but I am pleased to see you as well and you have great mental strength and spirit for observing my trousers for so long ! “.

  19. Well,just when it was getting cultural and intellectual on here along comes a cockie monster….this place is definitely different…..

  20. Arsene on Arsenal`s Injuries !………….” Diaby will be long term, possibly 6 -12 months, normally a stress fracture of the finger nail is OK to play, but in Diaby case it is more complex than that ! “.
    Photos of Diaby in current rehabilitation from nail stress fracture . Photos produced by permission of Arsenal FC .

  21. Morning all you pains in the arse. 🙂

    The weekend has caught up with me today, just crept out of bed and desperate for a glass of wine.


    I can imagine what the stress levels were like at the Ems on Saturday. It looks as if tomorrow night may bring more of the same.


    Does it surprise you about Diaby, is he really going to be out for a few months?

  22. Thought you were painting this week.
    Anyway, I went to an art gallery, and saw a Van Gogh painting and underneath it said “Loaned anonymously”
    I immediately went to the curator and said “I’d like my Van Gogh back now please.”

  23. Michael

    Your week may start on a Monday 🙂

    I just had to go and buy all the materials today and drop them off at the house. I’m starting the job tomorrow. But I’m very flexible with my hours 🙂

  24. At the National Art Gallery in Dublin , a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men, totally naked, sitting on a bench.
    Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.
    The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.
    He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society.
    “In fact”, he pointed out, “some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.”
    After the curator left, a man approached the couple and asked, “Would you like to know what the painting is really about?”
    “Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?”, asked the couple.
    “Because I am the artist who painted the picture”, he replied. “In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all”. “They’re just three coal miners”.

    “The guy in the middle is also a fellow artist called NB and he went home for lunch.”

  25. French women used to use perfume as soap but I still recall a fantastic weekend I had with a girl from Nice who I met in Juan les Pins.

    Not really something to publish on here but the funny thing was that I didn’t speak French and she didn’t speak English, but no words were necessary.She bought dinner and my favourite fags and the sheets were silk.

    I found out a long time later she was part of the Danone Family.;)

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