GunnersoreArse Exclusive: Jose Mourinho says “Arsene Wengers zipper ate my Ballon d’Ors!”

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

Serious allegations made against Wenger and his ball consuming zipper…..

Jose Mourinho has made allegations against Arsène Wenger and his malfunctioning zipper. In a recent press conference he told reporters that after the match at Stamford Bridge, Wenger approached him in the players tunnel and allowed his zipper to munch on the Chelsea managers Ballon d’Ors. Mr Mourinho said at first he quite enjoyed the experience but then he started to feel some pain [down there] and realised the French zipper was actually eating his prized possessions.

The trouble had started earlier on the pitch when the Arsenal manager had approached the Chelsea technical area, Mr Mourinho pushed the Frenchman away because he says Mr Wenger made a lewd suggestion about his zipper and the Portuguese managers private parts. In retaliation the Arsenal boss pushed Mourinho back.

Talking about Jose Mourinho after the Chelsea boss accused him, Wenger said: “He’s out of order, disconnected with reality and disrespectful. When you give success to stupid people, it makes them more stupid sometimes and not more intelligent.”

It started on the pitch, when push came to shove

Wenger has no control over his zipper….

Mr Wenger has denied any wrong doing, and stated: “My zipper has a mind of its own, I can never control the bloody thing, mon dieu! It even nibbles on my Alsace sausage and choucroute, mange tout, mange tout.” He went on to say that he can’t be blamed for the performance of his zipper. Recent video evidence seems to confirm Mr Wengers defence, on several occasions during matches he has been caught on camera struggling with the zipper and in frustration sometimes kicking water bottles.

Steve Bould, Assistant Arsenal manager, told reporters: “The thing is a f*”king menace, sitting next to the boss in the dugout you take your manhood into your own hands, I protect big willy and the twins at all times when the zipper is close by”.

Steve Bould pictured protecting big willy and the twins whilst Wenger struggles with the zipper

Mourinho is diagnosed as mentally damaged….

Mr Mourinho revealed that one Ballon d’Or had been severely damaged in the attack and needed emergency surgery. A nurse at the hospital who participated in the operation said it had been a delicate job and needed micro surgery due to the tiny size of the patients Ballons. It has been confirmed the patient will probably never be able to father more children. The nurse however, stated that with the small size of them she would have been amazed if it was ever possible even before the injury and surgery. The hospital psychiatrist has offered ongoing support, stating that the mental trauma to the Chelsea manager will be more damaging than the physical injury.

The cockney surgeon who performed the operation told our reporter: “It was unfortunate I couldn’t save one of Mr Mourinhos niagaras and as a consequence, there will be a 95% reduction in Gary Monk production for the Chelsea manager and hence an unlikely chance of him being able to produce further saucepan lids. I have explained the future problems to the patients trouble and strife who told me her old pot and pan normally preferred her aristotle rather than her jack and danny, so it wouldn’t be a big problem for her.”

An inside source at the hospital has told our reporter that whilst hospitalised Mr Mourinho enquired about having his Ballon d’Ors enlarged with silicone. In his most recent press conference, after the game with Crystal Palace, the Chelsea manager tried to play down the rumours of him having small molecules and wrote on a journalists notepad to show to the gathered reporters:

Voir l'image sur Twitter

Mourinho wrote this on a journalists notepad

Ex-girlfriend lost hand in sex struggle with Wengers zipper…..

A GunnersoreArse journalist travelled to Paris and tracked down an ex-girlfriend of Mr Wenger and she confirmed the offending zipper was indeed dangerous. Showing the reporter her metal prosthetic device she recounted the story of when she tried to get her hand on Mr Wengers under carriage and the zipper closed so viciously it severed the limb just below the elbow.

The 55 year-old woman, who described herself as an actress, asked not to be named to avoid embarrassment, but the GunnersoreArse Sunday Supplement can reveal it was Madame Claudine Rochefort, who lives at 69 rue de la République, Paris, 75003. She is unmarried and searching for a husband who likes the feel of cold steel on his pride and joys and she also has several electrical attachments which give immeasurable pleasure. For a small fee, demonstrations can be arranged with Madame Claudine by ringing this number: 00 09 69 69 69. Our GunnersoreArse reporter can confirm the fee is very reasonable for the service offered and on a second visit he paid 10% less with his loyalty card. However, his recent expense claims are currently being investigated by the GunnersoreArse auditors, who, along with our Editor-in-Chief, our Copy Editor, our Features Editor, the Press room boy and his mate Steve, have flown to Paris for the weekend to check out the claims with Madame Claudine.

One of Madame Claudines attachments, our reporter said this one was particularly pleasurable

Arsenal injuries blamed on inappropriate use of zipper by players…..

Further rumours of the dangerous nature of Mr Wengers zipper have recently been coming out of the Arsenal Training Ground. It has been confirmed that several injuries to team members have not been caused when playing football but the result of Arsenal players taking the offending coat and flesh-eating zipper to the toilets for a quicky without the managers knowledge.

Abou Diaby has been the worst offender, with 40+ injuries and now into his sixth year of secretly using the zipper for his own pleasure. But several other players have also been ‘victim’ to the zipper and as a consequence, Arsenal currently have the worst injury record in the Premier League. A spokesperson for the Arsenal Medical Centre said there is an ongoing investigation to find out the reasons for the unprecedented number of injuries. Mr Wenger has been banned from bringing the coat to the Training Centre and the Emirates Stadium. Since the zipper ban several players are now returning to full fitness, including Abou Diaby.

since the zipper ban Diaby is often seen trying to pleasure himself

Other teams are now fearful of Wengers zipper……..

Since the allegations against Wenger and his zipper, teams in the Premier League are now changing their tactics against the Arsenal to avoid any injuries that may arise from coming into contact with the dangloid eating fiend. Teams now park the bus, preferring safety in numbers to protect their long balls when they counter attack, and therefore avoiding the short balls now used by Arsenal players because of their experiences with the zipper.

Teams have changed their tactics against Arsenal since the zipper accusations

Judge will make decision on testicle munching zipper…..

The situation between Mr Wenger and Mr Mourinho is not over. The Chelsea manager has filed charges but a court date has yet to be fixed. The Portuguese manager is also claiming £20 million in damages for the change in his voice which has risen several octaves since the attack and the psychological effect it has had on his sex life.

Mr Wengers defence lawyers have declined to comment but have confirmed that Stan Kroenkes firm of legal advisors will represent the Arsenal manager for an estimated fee of £6m. In a press statement the Arsenal Board of Directors have stated that the KSE lawyers are the best for the job so no other law firm has been contacted but added that Season Ticket prices may have to rise to cover payment to the Arsenal shareholder.

Sir Chips Keswick said: “The £6m fee was proposed by myself and Lord Harris in respect of a wide range of legal services offered by Kroenke Sports Enterprises. They have an extensive experience and it is of utmost importance that we use it to best advantage for Mr Wengers defence. There was no competitive tender – they were available to us, so competitive tender was not needed.”

Mr Vladimir Cluckenchov, a well known lawyer for the Russian mafia and business associate of the Chelsea owner Roman Abramovitch, will be representing Mr Mourinho. It has been rumoured that Mr Abramovitch is interested in purchasing Mr Wengers zipper and cloning it for use in his chain of Pole Dancing Clubs as a cheaper and more efficient alternative to women.

Vladimir Cluckenchov (the fat fucker on the right)  photographed last week at a Moscow club owned by Roman Abramovitch.

Louis van Gaal [Broke]-backs the Portuguese manager in recent statements……..

This week the Dutch manager has supported Jose Mourinho and said: “He’s very special but he is very special to me because we’ve continued our relationship, which in the football world is not always normal. That’s nice.” He continued to say:  “Any suggestion that my Special Portuguese friend has small ballon d’ors is ludicrous, I shared a shower with him on many occasion when we were at Barcelona together and although mine are somewhat larger, I can assure you his are of a good size”. Mourinho responded to the praise by saying: “Don’t make me speak for half an hour about him [van Gaal]. He knows what I feel about him”.

The special relationship between the two managers has fuelled rumours of an ongoing love affair between the two men. This Sunday the two managers will be up against each other again at Old Trafford.

Louis van Gaal pictured talking to the press this week


Jose Mourinho and Louis van Gaal

The Dutchman and the Chelsea boss at a Gay Pride march in 2010

Wenger avoids difficult questions about his defence…….

In his most recent interview with BBC’s Jacqui Oatley, when asked about his defence Mr Wenger became very agitated, arrogant and patronising towards the reporter. When pushed on his lack of defence options, the Frenchman retorted: “I don’t know why you would come up with such a question”.

Gary Lineker was very critical of the Arsenal boss after the interview, saying that Mr Wenger should apologise to the female journalist. But the Frenchman defended his response and told reporters: “I watched it when I got home and it didn’t look bad. You ask 100 people, 99 will say it’s not bad and the hundredth will be Gary Lineker.”

Since the interview with the BBC all Arsenal players have been banned by the club from speaking with reporters.

In the meantime, Mr Mourinho has been spotted limping around the Chelsea Training ground shouting in a high-pitched voice, ” I’ve got big Ballon d’Ors and my wife can confirm that, she calls them the special ones”. But an unidentified source close to the family has exclusively told a GunnersoreArse reporter Mrs Mourinho now jokes that after the zipper attack they are:…… “the not so special one and a half.”

Mourinho limps around shouting in a high-pitched voice, “My balls are this big!”

The Chelsea boss telling Arsenal supporters that he still has two

Right, time for a glass of wine and some spicy chorizo…….. hope you enjoyed your visit. Until the next time.

à bientôt

In other news: Unemployment: Massive blow-Jobs on the decline in France- the statistics revealed on Page 2 by our correspondent in Provence.

On our Sports back page: Under-performing Gunners manage a 2-0 win at Sunderland despite injury problems.

GunnersoreArse, the Arsenal Sunday supplement bringing you all the football exclusives. Published every Sunday morning at 9am GMT. Only Madame Claudine can give you more satisfaction on a Sunday morning. Just phone for an appointment: 00 09 69 69 69. Calls charged at £0.69 per second plus the normal cost of your telephone provider.


149 thoughts on “GunnersoreArse Exclusive: Jose Mourinho says “Arsene Wengers zipper ate my Ballon d’Ors!”

  1. Brilliant. I thought I was unbalanced but you are just fucking mental.

    I presume this supplement is dedicated to our Terry.

    By th way we had a match yesterday 🙂

  2. That’s a shame Kels…. I think a lot of people on AA are looking forward to your views on yesterdays game. On the other hand, they may all be fucking lazy buggers and want you to take the flack 🙂

  3. exactly. Over the years I have spoken to several Arsenal fans who discuss things in general yet when they blog they say the complete opposite.Not me, I say it like I see it, be it right or wrong.

  4. What a scoop, NB – you have discovered the reason for our stop start season – and I hope you lead the campaign for the black bin crowd to remove zippers.

    Brilliant exposé if I may say so – I might chew on a chorizo to celebrate your exclusive revelations. 🙂

  5. Kelsey is right – the rest of us never say it as we see it. Thank goodness for kelsey – the rest of us are bleeding liars. :jazz:

  6. Ironic that Song got Man of the match .he has settled in very well at WH

    Here’s a question.

    If feasable would you swap da Silva for Ozil ?

  7. Kelsey,

    Joking aside, you are very much the master of the post match analysis, and no one would dream of giving you a hard time – and Norther has a chorizo in his hand to lure you into writing one for him on GoonerSoreArse! 🙂

    That’s the brother of this blog. 🙂

  8. Ozil needs to get his mental attitude sorted out, I don’t think it’s anything to do with his footballing talent. It’s in his head…. or he has been getting some head from Wengers zipper 🙂

    I think we need to give him some more time but wouldn’t be surprised if he puts in a transfer request. No idea who we’d replace him with.

  9. Brilliant stuff, NorthBank!!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 great read. 🙂

    are you tracking calls to the dodgy number? 😛

  10. Ta, thanks very much

    Apparently Ozil’s live in girlfriend has moved out of his house as he had a fling with some bird. So maybe he isn’t tired from playing football but from ………… 🙂

  11. paying lol.

    Have you noticed generally that the amount of comments on nearly all Arsenal blogs is considerably down when you take out the non football comments.

  12. Shit I just noticed the typo… or perhaps it was correct 🙂

    It’s the non-football comments Kels that makes the banter that much more interesting. FFS, my blog would be down the drain if it wasn’t for Michael and GN5’s poor jokes and Cockie and Transplants mad rants about sex, women, brokeback experiences and Wengers grooming of young boys. 🙂

  13. Actually, where are the Brokeback boys…. off to a gay Sunday sauna together I should think, knowing them. They’ll be on later when the missus refuses them sex. 🙂

  14. Kelsey
    Football should fun, just all football opinions can get tedious, a little irrelevance makes the blog.
    I suppose I should add the caveat… in my opinion.
    Thats why I enjoy it here, it seldom gets serious. Thanks NB.

  15. Good morning from a grey, overcast Provence 😦

    Kelsey, if you’re around today I just want to say well done for putting up the post on AA. Didn’t turn out too bad and you weren’t told to F off 🙂

    My comments about Sanchez though got some stick… ha ha. But like you, I tell it how I see it.

  16. Morning NB

    Well there is a divide amongst our fan base and on comments alone on AA about 70% agree with me and on your other blog the percentage is even higher.We got about 3000 hits but as you know a very high percentage of people just read blogs and don’t comment.

    I think there might be something in that Marty Feldman’s cousin story 🙂

  17. Morning oh hairy one 🙂

    3000 hits, that’s impressive. I wonder how many ACLF gets each day considering the amount of comments are generated?

    Excuse my ignorance, but what’s the Marty Feldman cousins story? Have I missed something?

  18. Ozil = Marty Feldmans cousin 🙂

    I might start my own blog.Negatively Arsenal.

    Reading around Rosicky and Podolski aren’t happy bunnies.

    We wait 5 fucking years to get him fit and now he doesn’t get game time. Saturday was a good example when he should have come on for at least 30 minutes and apparently Podolski threw his bib on the floor on Saturday but in his case he obviously doesn’t figure in Wenger’s plans.

    Rocky Lives who used to write posts for us but now has a new business venture holds the record on AA with 45000 hits in one day.

  19. Is the rumour that he may leave. I’ve been saying for a few months that he doesn’t look happy. It could be a footballing thing but it could be problems at home with the missus. And if he has been having a fling with a bird in Germany, and if he’s in love or lust, then his obsession with her could be having a negative affect on him.

  20. I wrote on AA his live in girlfriend,an actress has moved out of their home (proved) because of a fling he has had with some other bird.By all accounts it wasn’t a one night stand.So my theory is that AW has given him some rest time though he may as well have a minor injury.I haven’t heard anything about him leaving but if AW doesn’t play him in in the number 10 slot why buy him at 42 million that is a lot of dosh for us.
    Mickydidit on AA is quite well connected with our club and suggested this morning Ozil will be off as soon as January.If that would be true Arsenal would make a loss but I just can’t see him leaving.
    he is a great player with unbelievable vision but rarely ever played more than 70 minutes in La Liga and the PL is quicker so can we afford a luxury player To me he answer is a definite YES He needs others who have vision to get the best out of him and an inform Ramsey and Sanchez fit that bill..

  21. Kels

    I was starting to think about Ozil playing central just behind Sanchez, Welbeck and Theo. My post a couple of weeks ago examined the possibilities.

    However, this is my thinking on the subject. Ozil is not he best looking guy in the world and before he became a highly paid footballing star I would put money on it that he never got his end away with a gorgeous piece of crumpet. Now however, he has quite a choice of well staked women.
    He has had a bit of a fling with some German bird and now he is obsessed with her and the sex. If you understand the concept of obsession, especially sexual obsession then you will know that everything takes second place in your life, work, family, friends etc. So for an ugly git to start having sex with some of the most gorgeous women in the world, it will be quite a head turner for him. Just some thoughts… I await the input from Cockie and Transplant 🙂

  22. Now look here, ime too good looking to be in Wandsworth. Never mind the cons, even the screws would be waiting for the dropped soap.

    hahaha, yes 69, brilliant post. You should take up writing for a living mate.

    Arsene would batter Moriono. Did you see the way Wenger was looking at him? Like a man who hasn’t had sex for 10 years and just had his stamp collection trodden on. Which in Arsenes case, is pretty near to the truth.

    Kels, you cant get away with that. What is it that “If only I knew?”.

  23. Transplant

    We have everything dodgy about you already, written on several blogs………. and that’s only the blogs we know about, dread to think what you write on the porno blogs. But I’m searching 🙂

  24. Transplant

    You do know that the old bill are getting good at this internet tracking lark… they have probably targeted you already and are already building a substantial dossier 🙂

  25. hahaha, if I get nicked for internet porn addiction, demanding a cure for hair loss, and enjoying videos of people been savaged by wild animals, ime looking at the death penalty.

  26. hahaha, nice one Kels.

    My true feelings however are expressed in the email ime just about to send you. hahaha

  27. Fantastic post `69er about …..The Phantom Zipper Fiddler !. hahaha
    Talking of bowls from Kelsey`s previous post comment !……..I always thought Bowls was like a “starter course” before the “main course” of death !. It`s was my thought`s as I was waiting in the local hospital car park, next to it is a Bowls Club !…is it a coincidence that next to all Bowls Clubs are mortuaries and that ghosts wear white like the bowls players ?. It`s the only sport where the last player to die is the winner and instead of raising a flag at the end to honour the winners country they have it at half mast instead !.
    It`s also the only sport which actively encourages drugs to be used for players and fans alike, for the players so they can get out of their death bed and the fans to stop them killing theirselves from boredom, although I did notice they were handing out knives to people on entry just in case they wanted to slit their wrists !.
    In fact Bowls players girl groupies chanting for their heroes to die is a common thing as rigor mortis is the only way some of these players will ever get a hard on !. It`s also quite often you see young relatives go and watch these players and they are usually watching from the aptly named ” inheritance stand ” whilst rubbing their hands in anticipation instead of clapping !.
    Actually, Kelsey is quite young for a bowls player and probably plays for the Surrey youth team….also known as The Surrey Under 71`s.
    Well that was my first thoughts on Bowls, but after reading that Kelsey is the ….Peter Storey of Bowls after breaking someone`s ankle, I have come to change my mind and think I might take it up myself !. hahaha

  28. Transplant in a meeting !…..probably getting ideas flung about of who to fleece next !….. so to pay his ex-missus !. I like it that he has built a loft conversion as a compromise to being chucked out by thew latest missus !. But genius that he has turned it in to a new sex shop called….”Sex Toys R Us” !….although I`m not happy with one of my purchases !. You know them amusement arcade games where you put money in and with the help of a crane try and lift a cuddly toy up and drop in into the hole to win it !……well Stretch has one of those, but instead of cuddly toys, it`s sex toys !. I ended up putting £50 in this fucking machine at a pound a go and was determined to pick up this box with the penis enlarger in it…..for a friend of mine !. Every time the box slipped off I could hear a giggle and it sounded like it was coming from behind a mirror !…….50 pounds and giggles later I finally let out a triumphant scream as the box came out of the hole and I enthusiastically tore the box open only to find a fucking magnifying glass and the sound of hysterical laughter coming from behind what seemed like the mirror !……..Bastard !.

  29. Yes Kelsey…..I read it and as per usual agree with most of your thoughts !…….but enough of that…..are knuckle dusters, shin pads and Doc Martens steel toe cap boots the wrong attire for Bowls ?. 😀
    I like 69er saying that these players of today whether ugly or not, come of the streets and have women falling at their feet !……..well 69er my friend, Stretch is an ugly fucker and not rich ( since his last indiscretion of drinking from the wrong furry cup ! ) , but he still manages to get women falling at his feet !…..fair enough, the chloroform does come in handy !. hahaha

  30. Thanks Michael, but you are Irish and all the Irish I have met love a good laugh….never met a serious one !…..then again, they have always been a level above inebriated !. Shame you`re not near me as my son-in-law works for the owners of Guinness !…..I could get you Guinness on tap or intravenous drip if you prefer !……sorry if I`m stereo typing you with loving Guinness for being an Irish man….you may be tea total for all I know !. 😀

  31. Cockie

    You crack me up as well… really don’t know how you come up with all this, unless of course it’s the medication they have you on at the institution ha ha. 🙂

  32. hahaha, brilliant stuff from Cornwall.

    Bit of a cheek calling me an ugly fucker though? This is a man who when out dons a paper bag over his face. When going some were special, its a Harrods bag.

  33. Hahaha Sorry Stretch !… all honesty you have them Greek God looks !……anyway Zeus`s Scrotum, how`s the meeting going ?. hahaha
    Let me tell you boys, Stretch asked me a while back for some advise on having some out door exciting sex !… thing I hear is he`s been sent directly to jail for having sex on Trafalgar Square !…… not the real one !, it was with a salesgirl on a Monopoly board in Toys R Us !.
    Anyway, I`m busy at this moment in time….,.I`m hiding in a bush near his workplace waiting to jump out on him and present him with his Sex Offender of the Year award !. hahaha

  34. hahaha, Those allegations were proven false in court. I thought the judge was going to send me straight to send me to, “Do not pass Go, go straight to jail”, but when I told him I landed on Kings Cross and she asked me for £200, he let me off. hahaha

  35. Thats got to be wrong Cornwall? The fat bastards one bacon sarnie away from a cardiac arrest.

  36. You two just carry on, don’t mind me!

    I’ve got a message for Kelsey, if he’s still reading.

    Kels, that Wiki page you told me about, I’ve got some bad news mate. Check the section 1974, para 2

    I knew her before you 🙂

  37. Morning jokers 🙂

    Lovely sunny morning here in Provence…. lovely jubbly

    Thinking about my next post for Sunday………. bloody dilemma , head a bit blank at the moment 🙂

  38. Morning NB
    Ask Cockie for a guest post 🙂
    My brain is always blank and its pissing down..,who would have thought.

  39. Morning NB and Michael.

    Burnley is notorius for inbreds. I once went to a game there were I saw several people who actually had a head like a horse and then they do this strange dance motion at games where their over sized hands flop all over the place and their legs buckle.

  40. NB
    You might get the laughing policeman 🙂

    Inbreds, the most confusing day of the year here is fathers day.

  41. Men get a hard time off feminists which is totally unfair. Take bikinis, an outfit where 90% of the womans body is exposed, and men being decent look at the 10% which isn’t.

  42. Hahaha True Michael, but `69er doesn`t really care about percentages…..well, apart from he 100% loves wearing woman’s clothes, especially woman`s underwear !, although he did once try wearing a used condom over his head when holding up a bank , but got caught as it was a strawberry flavoured one and with the extra cream he started to lick it from the inside out only to reveal his identity !. hahaha

  43. Fucking hell, I got censored on AA for mentioning a condom ha ha ha

    And I wasn’t wearing it on my head at the time. 🙂

    I’ve never held up a bank in my life in the UK, but there was a Bank of Cyprus somewhere once, can’t remember exactly where ha ha ha

  44. Transplant is original if anything !…….wearing a syrup instead of a stocking over his face in holding up the Crete National Bank in Bounds Green !………” Hand over the sheep or I`ll remove the syrup to reveal the hideous face of an accountant !”.
    Original Police photo fit !

  45. Talking women’s underwear, My neighbours wife is a heavy woman and no great looker either..and she is getting fruity. He the neighbour told me recently that he hadn’t made love to her for quite a while or to use his words 4 stones ago. Well she was hanging out the washing yesterday and call to me as she was hanging up her bloomers and said that, that was all 7 pairs on the line, and with a suggestive wink says you know what that means. Panicking.. you don’t have a spin dryer.

  46. God mooning and bonjour my little hairy arsed friends 🙂

    From a very sunny south of France but it’s turned a bit chilly, only 19c in my apartment at 9am.

    What’s on the agenda today, apart from Michaels bad jokes?
    Love sick Ozil ready to move back to the Father Land? Speedy Sanchez wanting a speedy exit from the Emirates? Gibbs needing a hip replacement? Giroud on sick leave in Paris and humping his mistress?

  47. I like a positive start to the day NB 🙂

    I reckon all three krauts will be off by the end of the season as they are saurkrauts 🙂

  48. No today is dentist day, yet again.

    Don’t tell arnie but indian music drives me up the wall but the food is great.Never got a decent consistently good Indian in Spain.

    I think nearly all the indian restaurants in the UK are actually owned and run by Bangladeshies (sp)

  49. You can’t get a decent ruby in France either, unless I cook it 🙂

    The French don’t like it spicy and hot. And they stick with their cooking traditions and put a bit of limp salad on the plate with it 🙂

  50. Did you read the survey in The Telegraph. They spoke to 500 Arsenal fans under the age of 40 who are so bored and frustrated with the way the team are playing and some of Wenger’s methods, that they can’t be arsed to watch.The good thing is that there has been a huge increase in pregnancys by these fans so a new generation of gooners will be on it’s way by next season.

  51. Morning all

    It is true that I am rather hairy. Whilst holidaying in Spain I was once woken by a German tourist who was using my back as a substitute towel.

    But, ime not that fucking hairy. I dont feel sorry for the fucker. If it werent for his hairy boat he would probably be working in a Palmers Green kebab shop, dishing out the chile sauce and getting into rucks with drunken wankers angry about the lack of vinegar on there chips.

    instead, milking his hairy novelty act, hes probably fucking loaded and shagging loads of birds.

  52. Right, I’ve got some housework to do and then go into town to give a quote to decorate a restaurant. Have a good day mates. 🙂 and Kels, enjoy your visit to the dentist

  53. hello Michael

    When I say ‘decorating’ it covers quite a lot 🙂

    Special techniques to age walls, trompe l’oeil, aged furniture and stuff like that. I’m a fucking expert and have quite a reputation down here 🙂

  54. Do you really think there is a huge anti Arsenal bias ?. I just read your food oriented comment on AA,NB made me feel quite hungry.

    I once had the most beautiful and tender chateaubriand in the old port in Cannes.Of course it was run by two poofs.

  55. ha ha Kels

    Chateaubriand steak is good, but there is a better cut of beef called ‘onglet’. Not sure if it’s a cut from the same part of the cow, but it melts in the mouth.

    All the best chefs are shirtlifters 🙂

  56. Actually, to answer your first question. No, I don’t think there is a large anti Arsenal bias. I think it’s a minority that feed off each other. Nothing to really worry about but annoying. Like a mosquito 🙂

  57. In fact I bought a nice bit of steak at the butchers today, and that’s dinner sorted. Very, very rare… in fact very bloody.Like the Spanish Inquisition. I don’t like my beef done a la Jeanne d’Arc 🙂

  58. Sorry Kels

    I was so involved in the debate on AA that I didn’t notice your comment. I tend to stay away from Steak tartare unless I go to a really good resto .

    That’s me done for the night. Food and then Tele… what a sad fucker I am 🙂

  59. Another prize, yippee, but the blow up doll you sent is so realistic, she just wants to be friends. 🙂

  60. Morning all you Arse warriors 🙂

    Michael, I’ve sent you the sister of the first doll, so you can experience a threesome 🙂

    Lovely sunny morning again here in paradise, balcony doors open already and just enjoying my first glass of the day with a baguette and some very nice goats cheese I bought at the market yesterday. It’s a Pelardon Chevre, from the Cevennes. A bit hard and moldy, just as I like it 🙂

  61. I have about 800 LP’s from the sixties and seventies covering all types of music.
    Did you ever go to the marque or The Whisky a go go. ? I saw the Jam, The Who and there used to be a club in Belsize Park called the Country Club and every top group played there including the Stones.

  62. I often went to the Marquee… I saw the Beatles with my sister at the Rainbow in Finsbury Park (I was very young) and I saw the Faces there as well. I wasn’t a great concert goer, I preferred to buy the albums and listen at home. I also saw Marvin Gaye and Stevie Wonder do unplanned jam session at Ronny Scotts in the early 80’s

  63. I saw the Beatles at The Finsbury Park and I swear they were miming.You couldn’t hear a word for all the screaming.

    I went to the Albert Hall a few times but the acoustics were awful.

    I saw Barry White twice in one day at the Palladium.Afternoon and Evening.had front row seats and after every song he would get this handkerchief out,take a good sniff and then say ” I haven’t felt so good for a long time”.

    Many a bird was bedded with his music in the background 🙂

  64. Kels

    I’m not sure but I think when I saw the Beatles at Finsbury Park it was stll called the Astoria??? I was so small I couldn’t see a think with all the girls screaming and jumping up and down, including my older sister 🙂

  65. Morning all,

    Back in July of 1962 my wife and I spent 2 weeks in Liverpool, my sister in laws friend invited us to go
    with him to the local club, he was one of the clubs bouncers. When we arrived at the club the streets were jammed with people and it was a struggle to get to the club, when we finally made it to the door we were told the club was sold out, but in were spirited in by our bouncer who had been looking out for us.

    To cut to the chase the club was the Cavern and the Beatles were on stage, the club itself was down some windowless stone stairs , it was very small and it felt like all of the air had been sucked out, we had to stand on chairs at the back just to be able to see the stage, which was less than 35 ft away. I remember them singing “That will be the day” and “A taste of honey).

    We stayed for their show and got to have a very quick meet and greet with them, when we got back to London and told friends of our experience – they asked “who are the Beatles” well a few short months later the whole of the UK knew who they were and within 24 months they were known throughout the whole world.

  66. My wife just reminded me that we also heard them sing “Love, Love me Do” it was released as a single just 3 months later in Oct 1962 and then the U.K. got it’s first taste of the Beatles.

  67. Afternoon All, except NB who is doubtless throwing out zzzzz’s
    If the papers are correct ho ho, we will be getting at least one new team in the January window. I don’t know why they bother, you would have to be born yesterday to believe most of the crap they print.

  68. Kelsey, was over at AA today, would the person you were on about here the other day, sound a bit like hard?

  69. While it’s quiet on the blogs front AW comes in for it, or the divide in the fanbase is highlighted.
    It would be nice to think that his “reign” could be divided into 3 parts, so people are arguing/debating on the same parameters, rather than the pick and mix used to make a point.
    1. The Highbury years
    2. The move years
    3. The money era
    It is on point 3 where he falls down for me.

  70. He wouldn’t be a favorite of mine either.
    I find I can like the apparent personality of someone whose views don’t agree with mine and vice versa. Totally dependent on how they write not what.

  71. Bugger, forgot to say Good Morning to my hordes of faithful followers 🙂

    There has been some good music banter over on AA this morning, as has the wine flowed freely chez moi since 8am, I forgot about my sore arses 🙂

    Good morning

  72. ha ha Michael

    Who gives a monkeys really. The only bummers on here are Cockie and Transplant, for obvious reasons.

    Soon I’ll have people clamouring at the door trying to get in, and i’ll say, sorry, members only 🙂

  73. And next year we will be millionaires ha ha. 🙂

    Perhaps Cockie has been detained at her majesty’s displeasure, and Terry has moved to greek Arsenal site and writes in squiggles.

  74. The Country Club in Belsize Park! Forgot all about that place. I used to go there and a club which I think was called the Pink Pussycat behind the old John Lewis store.

    and then there was Samantha’s off Regent Street and the brilliant Valbonne in Kingly St where I used to go and pick up foreign ladies (who I believed were “easier”) or if I was flush the Bag O’Nails down the road.

    Later it was the Folk clubs like Bungey’s and after that the Marquee which became almost my second home.

    Before discovering rock n’ roll I wasted all my time on girls. Then I started to marry them which was the beginning of my downfall 😀

  75. Very much enjoyed the last two posts NB–in very different ways, of course. Thanks for the ticket shout on ACLF. Missed it, but just as well–have some catching up to do after just getting back from Languedoc and Provence. Part work, part vacation, and all quite delightful. Especially pleased–historically speaking–with a visit to Aigues Mortes, St. Louis’ crusade departure port built in 1240’s–a real gem!–and an excellent St. Louis exhibit at the Conciergerie in Paris on the return which had some rare items and illuminated manuscripts brought together very helpfully. Apart from a couple days of seriously strong winds that limited our bicycling to one lovely day, the weather was superb. Fontaine de Vaucluse and Rousillon were pretty special places to relax in. Beautiful and varied landscape–reminded me of the best parts of California ecologically and agriculturally plus beautiful villages, architecture, and medieval history in every corner! What a pleasure it must be living in the South of France, NB.

  76. Welcome back Limey

    Glad to hear you had a good trip. Yes, the Mistral, the only downside to Provence 🙂

    The weather is still good now…

    Aigues Mortes is a lovely town isn’t it…. did you visit Gordes, on the route to Rousillon? A hilltop bastide town.

  77. Didn’t make it to Gordes but came through Goult, also quaint. Has an interesting old windmill–named for Jerusalem–the memory of the crusades is quite embedded… Next time, I’ll look into it as I hope to do some more serious bicycling in the Luberon, maybe Venasque to Gordes… GreAt place, Aigues Mortes–the Carcassonne for the connoisseur. Wonderful local sweet bread and Camargue dishes like braised Ox flank. Battlements on the pink sea–lovely!

  78. Morning NB
    Come on, get out of it.
    Looking for a comfortable win with a bit of style today and no I haven’t been drinking.
    Magic mushrooms to help with depression…go on google it….see I wasn’t joking.

  79. Morning michael

    Bit slow me is this mooning. There is a pea souper outside my balcony windows. First glass of the day is poured and the chorizo is sliced. I reckon a good win today but Jacko is out injured again….. but will we see Theo return 🙂

  80. Brilliant result, could have had 5 or 6 if it wasn’t for Heaton. Great to see Theo back… and for his first PL 15 minutes, showed some good play. Good signs. 🙂

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