The Silence of the Stans……

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse Blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

Today we have a guest post from the Cockie Monster. Taken (nicked) from the comments section this week. It was so funny it had to be posted again.

I sit here looking out of my window watching my puppy run about outside with some of my naked Lesbanians………hold on a sec` !……..if my puppy is outside…….who the f**k is sniffing my arse and licking my balls ?………phew !….it`s OK…… I sat on the false teeth that the bastard VCC sent to me !, the shiny f**kers are smiling at me, they are however not as shiny as Terry Mancini Teeth Transplant`s ones !. F**k me, they are so bright, that an alien on a planet in the Caninus Testiclus Solar system in our galaxy looks up to the night sky and says ….”Daddy, isn`t that the brightest star in the Universe ? “…..”No Jabba, that is some Bastards f**king teeth from the Syrupus Minus System, just past where we sent a probe up to Uranus ! “.

Today bastards, I shall try and sit on the fence and be neutral in a look at the bastard Kroenke and give you an insight in to why he is a tight Khunt and why most importantly he has no vision and doesn’t see !.

Basically it all boils down to him being a slap head !. If truth be known, it`s not all his fault as he is just a victim like many, of the discrimination of syrups wearers and comb overs, which only recently ended with the newly introduced technology of transplants!
A brief history will give you some idea. First of all, it was all started by cave women, not cave men, who used to drag their men into the cave by their hair. Only the men with strong follicles survived baldness !. Since then throughout history, there has been documentation of the plight of the Comb overs and syrupers and also of the great explorers looking for cures etc`.
From the ancient Greeks we had Jason and the Argonauts in search of the Golden Syrup to the native Americans who were known to be the first makers of syrups with drive – through scalping. Wigwam`s were the first syrup factories and the word toupee comes from the word teepee, a place similar to a hairdressers where rugs were fitted.
In culture and art, there can be found references in the great writings, for example….”Friends, Romans and countrymen…lend me your hair !”…….”Toupee or not toupee….that is the question !”………  “Is this a dodgy syrup I see before me !” ……. “A syrup, a syrup, my Kingdom for a syrup !” ……. “Romeo…Romeo..what the f**k is that on your bonce !”

Now Silent Stan was determined to amass a fortune so he could find a cure for his slapheadness. It all ended in a tragic tale of jealousy and psychosis.
Kroenke had found a scientist who had made the worlds first hybrid symbiotic beaver syrup  (Castor Canadensis syrupacus)  It was like love at first site with a puppy, but it all ended badly once Stan married and the symbiotic beaver became jealous and one night it came to a head ( nice pun ! ) it slipped quietly off of Stans head and tried to suffocate Mrs Kroenke. The psychotic syrup was found guilty of attempted murder and sentenced to life at a State Mental Asylum.
Since then, Stan has only worn Syrups made from the worlds greatest toupee specialist….Terry of Bounds Green !.
I will now show a video of a song which I have had the words re-written by Rolf Harris`s less dodgy brother Rough Harris, by the way, I think the writing was on the wall for all to see regarding Rolf…I mean with songs like…. ” Tie me kangaroo down sport ” … “Two little boy`s ” and ” Blow on my didgeridoo young Bruce ” !.
So listen bastards, I will show the video and beneath it, there will be the new words to sing along to!

My wife don’t care that I`ve lost all my hair
It`s so shiny. I rub in some spermmmmmmm
The rug looks alive, made from my wife`s muff dive
It`s so natural it looks like a permmmmmmm.

Silent Stans golden
Symbiotic toupee
Silent Stans golden syrup
looks like a Beaver to me

I`ve got more shares, than a head full of hairs
I will keep them, I wont ever sellllllllllll
F**k all the fans, no trophies like St. Louis rams
Suck this Uzzy, you can f**k off to Hellllllll

Silent Stans golden
Best I`ve ever seen
Silent Stans golden syrup
From Terry of Bounds Green

Jabba is cheap, he`ll be killed in his sleep
He is so cold, he hasn`t a hearttttttttt
His cock is so small and glows like Chernobyl
I will sell it at my wife`s Walmarttttttttt

Silent Stans golden
A Beaver in disguise
Silent Stans golden syrup
Slips down over his eyes
Now his eyes cant see
That’s why he cant seeeeeeeeee

Thanks for that Cockie, very enlightening observations on Silent Stan.  

The GunnersoreArse Editorial team disclaimer: The author of the content that can be found here within can assure you, the reader, that any of the opinions expressed are his own and are a result of the maladjusted way in which his highly disorganized and somewhat dysfunctional mind interprets a particular situation and or concept. 

All legal claims and civil actions in relation to this article should be addressed to: The Cockie Monster, Cell 546, Broadmoor High Security Mental Hospital, Berkshire, England.

GunnersoreArse, the Arsenal Sunday supplement. The essential Sunday morning read, to enjoy with your Sunday tea and toast, every Sunday at 9am GMT. That is clear isn’t it……… every Sunday!

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Memories of Highbury and Islington.

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

Today starts a new series of Memories of Highbury and Islington. If there are other bloggers who wish to contribute then please let me know in the comments section.

A Guest post from GunnerN5

Good morning all it’s my pleasure and privilege to be the first guest writer on Gunnersorearse. Some readers of Arsenal blogs already know part of my background so I will try not to be overly boring or repetitive.

I was born on Avenell Road and my very earliest childhood recollections are of the Arsenal. Both sides of my family were avid Arsenal supporters and with a total of 18 uncles and 40 plus male cousins it’s understandable why the Gunners were a dominant part of the conversation. My maternal grandfather, who delivered coal by horse and cart around Highbury, was a fanatical supporter and witnessed the very first game the Gunners, played at Highbury in 1913. So that means our family has supported the Arsenal for over 100 years.

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Highbury and Islington Station

My Uncle George also lived on Avenell Road and his parlour was the gathering place after every home game – the post mortems held there were a huge part of my upbringing and indoctrination into a family of Gunners. With no TV or Radio coverage of the games the highlight of the gathering was the weekly football results, they were broadcast at 5:00 pm every Saturday the parlour hushed as the results were read out, but there was always a huge cheer if the Spuds lost. The results then sparked off a conversation about the standings and Arsenal’s chances of winning anything. That was not dissimilar to today’s scenario, you see the family were used to winning and had just come through the Arsenal glory day’s under Herbert Chapman and George Allison, a lot of the discussion centered around Tom Whittaker’s ability to carrying on the winning tradition. Well Tom did well in his early years winning 3 trophies, but after 3 trophy less seasons he left and Arsenal sank into the most barren period in our history winning only 4 trophy’s in the 33 years between 1953/54 and 1986/87, when under George Graham we won our first League Cup.

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A street party in Oldershaw Road, to celebrate the end of WW2

Sunday mornings were always waited in anticipation of getting delivery of our 3 Sunday Papers where we would get news stories and actual pictures of Saturday’s games. Dad always got first dibs and as the eldest son I got the next, believe me the sports pages were devoured and every detail was absorbed. I would cut out all of the pictures pertaining to Arsenal plus the League tables and stick them up next to my bed. Unbelievable as it may sound to today’s generation those were the two main sources of information about the previous day’s games along with the odd news reports during the week compare that with today’s information saturation.

Us Avenell Road boys used the gate into the ground as our goal, we were a poor bunch so we had to use a rag ball, hand sewn by my mum, as our football. We imagined ourselves as one of the team, I aspired to be Jimmy Logie, a great Scottish inside forward who set up both goals as we won the 1949/50 FA Cup Final 2-0 against Liverpool. After he retired Jimmy fell on hard times; football was not the lucrative profession it is currently, and he was a big gambler. He ended up selling news papers in Piccadilly Circus and died in 1984, aged 64. How very sad!

Matchday, Avenell Road.

My Dad got the chance of a permanent job at the Starbrush Company; this meant that we had to move away from my beloved Avenell Road and the Arsenal. I threatened to leave home and live with my Grandparents on Stavordale Road but I changed my mind when Dad said he thought that was a good idea. We moved to Oldershaw Road just off of the Caledonian Road, the houses were very run down and damp but we moved in anyway and shared a space with my Dad’s brother, later on we got our own house. It was long walk back to Highbury but I was there very week to watch my heroes.

Through the internet and Gunnersorearse I discovered that Northbank lived on Sonning Street, which backed onto Oldershaw Road – small world indeed. We grew up a decade apart on the same streets but as it turns out I only delivered milk to a prison (Pentonville) while NB69 got a far more up close and personal look inside of Wandsworth.

To be continued………..

GunnersoreArse, bringing you the history of Islington and the Arsenal. 

Arsenal factions: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly!

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

Recently, there has been a new outbreak of fan warfare regarding the Arsenal. A couple of bad results, some poor performances and Mr Wenger making certain statements has once again fuelled caustic and venomous debate within our fan base. It didn’t take long after the euphoria of the FA Cup win. So I thought it would be a good time to repost something I put on A Cultured Left Foot a few months ago.

_____________________________________~~~~~~O~~~~~~_____________________________________

Having now visited and read several different Arsenal fan blogs over a few months, I have started to formulate some thoughts relating to the diverse and sometimes abusive differences which have developed within the Arsenal fan base. The underlying causal factor is quite clear, the internet, which has  connected people from all over the world and therefore, increased the possibility to converse with others on a daily basis. The secondary causal factor is conflict, with a clash of opinion and belief.

 A faction is a subgroup within a larger organization that is in conflict with other members of that organization. Factions occur when a subset of organizational members begin to develop a distinct collective identity that is at least partially at odds with other members. Factionalism refers to this conflict between an organizational faction and other members, or between competing organizational factions. Strictly speaking, factionalism refers to this intra-organizational conflict.   (Kelsey Kretschmer 2013)

 From the perspective of Arsenal fans, the biggest cause of conflict to arise in recent times has been nine trophy-less years and who is to blame, or not to blame, depending on your standpoint. So factions have developed, from the pro-Wenger at one extreme, to the anti-Wenger at the other, with several variations in between. The catalyst for these conflicts appears to be Arsene, stuck in the middle, being judged by the way the team performs, by his decisions, his transfer dealings, his footballing philosophy, his hairstyle and the fact that his zipper doesn’t work.

 Each day on the webby, these discussions, debates, arguments, disagreements and sometimes outright shit slinging take up thousands (if not millions) of typed words. If it was happening in a pub there would be a full-scale riot and people would get hurt. Luckily the internet protects us from  physical violence but verbal abuse is not uncommon, I understand at some games however, different factions have resorted to fisticuffs. (I should put a little smiley here.)

 In 1787, George Madison (well I think it was him, some American geezer anyway) defined factions as groups of people who gather together to protect and promote their special economic interests and political opinions.

 What is clear from browsing the internet, is that opinion about the Arsenal, and Wenger in particular, is extremely varied and divided amongst fans and has led to some entrenched views and some quite aggressive reactions to fans with a different perspective. Break away blogs from established blogs have been set up because of the different opinions.

 We can also see a form of Webby guerilla warfare  taking place, by what are endearingly called ‘trolls’. Using various spy like name changes, these internet ‘warriors’ get some form of bizarre pleasure from visiting Arsenal blogs of a different philosophy  and trying to cause havoc and mayhem, often using offensive and abusive terminology and sometimes getting the same thrown back at them.

 “Do you know what “nemesis” means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an ‘orrible cunt…. me.”(Brick-top: Snatch: 2000)

 I’ve not visited or read blogs of any other fan base so have no idea if this happens on the Spud, Man Utd or Chelsea blogs for instance, but my guess is that Arsenal supporters are not unique in this and I’m sure someone will be able to enlighten me.

 Stanley Cohen’s study of Mods and Rockers in the 1960’s was a foundational text both in terms of investigating the workings of subcultural groups and identifying the concept of a ‘moral panic’ generated by the media, which leads to groups being vilified in the popular imagination, and inhibits rational debate about solutions to the social problems such groups represent. The insights Cohen provides into subculture and mass morality are as relevant today as they were when the book was originally published. (Stanley Cohen: Folk Devils and Moral Panics: 1972)

Cohens theory can only be loosely applied to understanding the current situation between Arsenal factions but the fundamental, underlying theme is relevent.

Factions develop over time, drawing together like-minded people, their beliefs being reinforced by regular meetings and discussions which help to consolidate the same ideas and to build a unified front against those with a different perspective. On the internet, this can be multiplied rapidly on a daily basis, whereby a faction is  able to strengthen what they see as their moral high ground.

 So at last, after a trophy-less nine years and a manager with money in his pocket, we  have a nice piece of shiny silver in the Emirates Trophy Cabinet and a bloke called Sanchez Sanchez. As Gollum would say, (puts on Gollum accent)

 “ We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious.” (The Lord of the Rings: 2002)

 As I would say (in the same accent)  “We gots it, we wants to keeps it, we wants to gets more. It’s our precious.”

 The million dollar question is therefore,  has finally winning a trophy changed things between the different factions? Have they all of a sudden come together in a great out-pouring of joy, comradeship and mutual masturbation?…………..from what I’ve seen so far, have they fuck! On the streets of Islington in May it could have been observed that there was a coming together of joy and celebration amongst the fans. But unfortunately, underneath the gloss, the disagreements and venom continue.

 From observation, I’d say some of the vitriol has increased on some blogs. On others, there is the obligatory congratulations, back-slapping  and gloating for keeping the faith with Wenger. Others are still in the ‘lets wait and see camp’ and alternatively, there are those who are just fucking relieved that  we’ve finally won something and Wenger is spending money. So if winning the FA Cup hasn’t changed the differing opinions within the fan base, what does this tell us? I would assert that  the basic flaw is that  we are not just Gooners, we are human as well, and as humans we have different opinions, we are varied and diverse, we feel that we have a right to stand up and be heard and finally, we want to support (or not) the Gunners or the manager in our own unique ways. In addition, we now have the internet to express ourselves, which fundamentally adds up to several different Arsenal blogs with their own philosophy, viewpoint and identity, which in turn, have thousands of fans and commentators with different viewpoints. Given the nature of man, factions are inevitable. As long as men hold different opinions, they will continue to fraternize with people who hold similar views to them.

 Spoon boy: Do not try to bend the spoon. That’s impossible. Instead… only try to realize the truth.

Neo: What truth?

Spoon boy: There is no spoon.

Neo: There is no spoon?

Spoon boy: Then you’ll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.

( The Matrix 1999 )

 In conclusion therefore, I don’t see much changing in the near future. The disagreements will continue. The vitriol and ‘I told you so’s’ will continue, the gloating and the eating of humble pie will be awaited. So whoever you are, wherever you are and whatever you are, keep blogging in your own specific way, stick to your own individual perspective and contribute to the continuing debate which surrounds our great club.

“Peace is a daily, a weekly, a monthly process, gradually changing opinions, slowly eroding old barriers, quietly building new structures.” (John F. Kennedy)

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That was the article which I wrote for ACLF just after the FA Cup win, I didn’t realise at the time that the shit slinging would get out of hand again so quickly and with even more venom than before. The vitriol is also being aimed at our players. A recent tweet by Mertesacker about a friend who had died attracted some of the most disgusting comments towards one of our players that I have ever seen on the internet. That is not acceptable and is downright vicious and cowardly. I think as a fan base, and generally a good fan base, we should strive to get these cunts off the internet. They are a blight on our great club. The majority of fans, despite alternative views and opinions of how the club is run and the performances of the team and our manager, are able to discuss the issues calmly and with intelligence.

Beware though, with a couple of crucial games approaching, Man United and Dortmund, if those two games end up as defeats then the Arsenal world will probably go into meltdown. Demonstrations are already being talked about for the  home game against United, if things go badly for us in that game then the backlash against our manager will be vicious.

It’s something I don’t want to see, I don’t want to see Arsène Wenger under that sort of cloud. He has been a great servant to the club and I want to see him go out with pride and dignity. If things get bad on the internet then it won’t be too long before it spills over into the Emirates, something I’m sure most fans don’t want to see, who don’t want to witness the club dragged through the mud and mocked by rival fans and the media. We need to see the boys pull their socks up, claim a couple of good wins and then go on a run of good results. It’s the only thing which will calm the current negativity surrounding the fan base. If we don’t improve our performances then there will be dark days ahead for our club and our manager.

Quote from a recent comment on another Arsenal blog:

“This fighting in the stands has been going on a while tbh.

I first saw it first hand away to Brighton in the FA cup. That must be two years ago, nearly, now. It was after the game, which we’d won, a flag was unfurled and punches were thrown amongst our own.

 

 

Right, time for a glass of wine and some spicy chorizo…… I hope you enjoyed your visit. Until the next time.

à bientôt

GunnersoreArse, an Arsenal chill out bar for those who are searching for a safe haven from the crap that sometimes invades our bloggosphere. A place where fun is more important than argument.  Where wine, women, food and song  live comfortably alongside football and the Gunners. A refuge from the negativity. 

Coal miners, Sheep, Leeks and Rugby.. a trip to the valleys!

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

A trip down the M4 today to Swansea. A 4pm kick-off and the last Premier League game of the weekend. Yesterdays results did us no favours and extended the gap to the top two of Chelsea and Southampton, but City slipped up at Loftus Road so a win for us today will take us to within one point of the blue mancs. I think the less said about our midweek capitulation against Anderlecht the better. Let’s just say that hopefully lessons were learned, the team heard Arsène Wengers speach about team work and not individual glory.

Last season we won this fixture 2-1, with I think Ramsey and Gnabry getting the goals. That win maintained our position at the top of the table. However, this season we are playing catch up and already  twelve points behind Chelsea before today’s game.  Swansea have had a good start to their season so far and they will not be a push over. They also have our old friend Flappy between the sticks, who I’m sure will want to have a good game against his old team mates.

We’re never sure how Wenger is going to line up these days, 4-1-4-1 or is it 4-4-2 , or even 4-3-3? But picking the team from a supporters perspective is getting easier with the injuries increasing at an alarming rate, this weekend it’s the turn of Arteta to be on the treatment table. On the bright side however, we could see Theo making a start today although Wenger has said he will be eased back in gradually, so he may be on the bench. All I can predict is how I would like to see the team line up today, who Wenger chooses could be totally different.

 

submit football lineup

Bench: Martinez, Rosicky, Monreal, Cazorla, Oxlade, Podolski, Sanogo.

Campbell, poor, poor Joel Campbell, will no doubt be excluded again today and many are wondering where he fits into the current team, if at all. There is speculation he will be either loaned or sold this January. A real shame because as far as I can see he hasn’t been given a fair chance to establish himself. But what do we know, there could be many reasons as to why he’s not been given a chance. Perhaps he doesn’t train well, perhaps he’s lazy or too fat and unfit. What happens behind closed doors we can only guess.

Today could see us going with the dreaded Wilshere, Flamini, Ramsey core of midfield. Cazorla has had some stinkers recently so I for one hope he is benched today. What the problem is with the dreaded threesome I’m not sure, but all crowding into the middle of the park seems to be a common complaint. But today we’ll need some solidity at the back so hopefully Wenger will play Chambers next to the BFG and Bellerin on the right, with Flamini in the middle of the midfield threesome. Wilfred Bony has scored in each of his last four games so expect him to be a handful today. The other danger will be Sigurdsson, who has had a tremendous start to his season after doing nothing with the Spuds last season.

Three points today would be great and I don’t envisage anything less. Sanchez is currently on fine form, scoring five in his last three games. If Walcott plays today then I would expect some pacy counter attacking football. All we can do at the moment is hang on to the coat-tails of Chelsea and Southampton and wait for them to slip in the future. But to catch them, we firstly and foremost need to win our games.

Welsh rarebit, the culinary heights of Welsh cuisine.

Right, time for a glass of wine and some spicy chorizo…… hope you enjoyed your visit. Until the next time.

à bientôt

GunnersoreArse, Sundays would never be the same without it. Support your Arsenal Sunday supplement by encouraging more readers and bloggers to read the bloody thing. Or I’ll send the boys round.

The Gunners: Now Unbeaten in 23 home games…………..

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

I watched yesterdays game on a stream with a Spanish commentator and I noticed two things. Firstly there was none of the sarcasm and anti-Arsenal sentiment which we get with British pundits on the TV. Secondly, whenever our supporters started to sing, the commentator sang along with them…. Arsenal…. Arsenal…. Arsenal. Brilliant. He was a breath of fresh air. ha ha ha!

The last time we lost at home was against Aston Villa in the first game of last season, not as good as the invincibles but impressive none the less. Most of us have had a moan about the recent lack of cohesion within the team, the lack of effort from some of the players and our inability to put a game to bed. Our bad defending has also come under criticism. Before yesterday the boys have only just scrapped a win, mainly through a determination which we don’t often see them display.  But yesterday, things seemed to come together. Our passing play was superb, there seemed to be more energy and determination, more movement off the ball and less short passes in midfield which often allows teams to get nine defenders back to their penalty area.

The Alexis effect! This boys energy, determination and movement around the field has been phenomenal. Is it now rubbing off onto his team-mates? Most would observe that it has and we saw the result yesterday. The other week I was suggesting the Chilean was starting to get frustrated with the team for not giving 100%, often manifesting in his body language and facial expressions. Who knows if that was the case, but it was my observation. However, yesterday there was no such frustration and the team played well together, with some brilliant passing and they kept their shape. I read yesterday that our pass completion rate against Burnley was something like 85%.  I’m not a great believer in relying on stats because they can be deceiving,  and often in our case, the passes have been short balls sideways and /or backwards. Yesterday however, many of the passes were long and going forward. This is what I observed so on  this occasion I will use the 85% as an indication of improvement.

We could have won this game by five or six goals, credit needs to be given to Heaton for some fantastic saves. Even Szczesny applauded his counterpart in the Burnley goal. Nice one Chezzers, top man.

I’m not going to single out a player for individual praise because I think overall it was a good team effort. But I was pleased to see Theo back on the pitch and to see the Ox put in a good shift. Has yesterdays game started a new phase? Will we now go on to start winning games instead of battling for a draw? Will opponents now view us with some trepidation? To all three questions I would say a resounding yes, but we will have to wait and see. Swansea away next week and then Man Utd at home. Both will be tougher than Burnley. But before that, we have Anderlecht to deal with in mid-week.

Just a small note on our forgotten German, Podolski. He came on as a sub the other week and got the winning goal in a match that looked like ending with a draw. Yesterday he came on in the 80th minute and had an immediate effect and could have scored with two thunderous shots, one which nearly destroyed the goal post and the other one could have seriously maimed a Burnley player. If he was given more game time, would he get more goals? Or is Wenger just biding his time with the German as a fill in till he can be sold?

Right, time for a glass of wine and some spicy chorizo…. well actually I haven’t got any chorizo today so it will be Goats cheese. Hope you enjoyed your visit……….. till the next time.

à bientôt

GunnersoreArse, the Arsenal Sunday blog which tries to steer clear of any technical football bollox and poncy match reports. All complaints about my lack of footballing insight should be sent to Terry Mancinis Hair Transplant and the Cockie monster. I’ll let those bastards deal with it.