We didn’t rule at the Palace… but a win is a win!

Santi Cazorla

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers from the Emirates Stadium.

Firstly I need to explain, to tell a little story and I want you bastards to listen. I’ve been having problems with my internet connection at home. I normally get a wi fi hotspot but the last few days it has been very temperamental, I have a chromebook so to work on it I need to be connected to the internet. So I was worried about getting my blog out as usual this week. consequently, I went to my local bar to watch the match and took my laptop with me, the intention being to write the blog as I watched the match on a large screen TV. I got to the bar at 3pm local time, a good hour before kick off. Installed myself at the bar and drank  a pastis.

Not long after I arrived some friends came into the bar and the drinks started to flow. My laptop was on a table already connected and awaiting my input about the game. The game started but by now the conversation, like the alcohol, was flowing freely. By the time the match started I’d had four glasses of pastis and the thought of typing out my match report in situ was becoming a bit of a chore. So I stayed at the bar counter and continued drinking but keeping an eye on the match. Welbeck goes down at the edge of the penalty area and we get a penalty, nicely converted by Santi. From what I could see, Palace were pressing us continually, our passing was going everywhere but to another Arsenal player and players seemed to be slipping on their arses all over the place.

Then I look at the screen and there is a great move with Ozil putting a through ball to Danny boy in the area and he shoots. The shot was stopped by their keeper but he couldn’t hold onto it and Giroud toe pokes into the net. Two nil and against the run of play, we are in the lead. However, from my blurred memory, I don’t think Palace had an effort on our goal, but by now I was well on my merry way so could be wrong about that.

We seemed to be cruising and the tactic of the day seemed to be quick, pacy breaks. In the second half I saw a sublime break, again with Ozil at the heart of it, from defence to attack within a couple of seconds. The ball goes to Sanchez in the Palace area but his shot goes just wide. Lovely stuff. But Palace start to push on and we are under increasing pressure, my bum starts to make strange noises and the thought creeps into my head that we could end up losing this 3-2. It’s an Arsenal supporter thing isn’t it. Never confident enough to think we can hold onto a lead.

Then on the obligatory 70 minute mark, our substitutions come on. The Gunners are going to park the bus, Gibbs and Rosicky come on to replace Welbeck and Ozil. This to me was inviting Palace to increase their pressure and the outcome was a goal pulled back in the 90th minute. My bum goes mental when the ref gives five minutes added time and Palace nearly salvage a draw in the last minute when luck smiled upon us and the post intervened.

A few points about the match, controversy surrounded both our goals, if the pundits are to be believed then Welbeck was marginally outside the penalty area when he was brought down. For the second goal he was deemed by the pundits to be offside. Fine margins, very very fine margins but I think the ref got the decisions spot on. However, another bizarre decision was when Ozil managed to beat their defeners to a header and it looped towards the goal only for Spironi to tip it over the bar. He definately got a touch but a goal kick was awarded instead of a corner.

But hey, a win is a win, we didn’t play well and some are suggesting the pitch had something to do with our wayward passing. Perhaps it was, perhaps it wasn’t…. who gives a shit. We won and have moved into third thanks to Uniteds loss in Wales.

By the end of the game I was fucking legless, my match report may be tinted by blurred, alcohol influenced eyes but who really cares, I bet some of you don’t even read it and just post some pornographic photo or video, yes I’m looking at you Chas. 🙂

Anyway, to type this report today I’ve had to leave a nice, warm and cosy flat to come to the bar again to get a wi fi connection at 9am in the morning. I believe this to be true dedication to my Sunday supplement, how many bloggers would do that. So I hope you bastards are reading and appreciate what I’ve done for you this morning. Enough of the bar not being open or the barman being fucking absent.

Right, time for another glass of wine…. gets up from table and walks to the bar to order….. hope you cunnuts enjoyed the post today, if my internet connection keeps playing up I’m going to have to pay for the internet, something I really don’t want to do. So will be investigating other options this week.

GunnersoreArse, brought to you fuckers despite serious restrictions and problems. Every Sunday at 9am GMT…. well today it’s 9:21 am GMT. 



Language problems could cause Arsenal FA Cup exit.

Four candles? Nah, Fork Handles…… Handles for Forks!

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

Why does Wenger have to be so honest? Why does he have to tell the media all his intimate thoughts? Why did he feel a need to tell the press that Paulista Gabriel could be a problem in our defence because he doesn’t understand a word of English?

If he plays in the back four today, surely Middlesborough will target an area where they know communication between our players could be a problem. Koscielny shouts to Gabriel (in his French broken English) “hey Gabby, get over to the left and take their centre forward”, and Gabriel moves backwards putting the whole ‘Boro forward line onside to score their first goal. Monreal shouts in his shaky English accent tinged with Spanish, ” Gabby, cover me, I’m going forward”, and Gabriel moves towards the right back instead and the left side is left uncovered and ‘Boro score their 2nd goal. The big Coq says to Gabriel in his Cockney French accent, “Gabby, stay back I’ll go up for the corner,  cover for me”, but instead Gabriel goes up for the corner as well, leaving the defence lacking in players when ‘Boro storm forward on the counter and score their 3rd goal. And so, Arsenal, the FA Cup holders go out of the cup because one player cannot understand a word of English.

If the FA Cup back line today is Chambers, Koscielny, Gabriel and Monreal, poor old Paulista will have to comprehend English spoken by an Englishman, a Frenchman and a Spaniard. I suppose Nacho could speak spanish to the Brazilian, or do they speak Portuguese in Brazil? And if at some point if the Big Fucking German has to come on and play alongside the Brazilian………Chaos and confusion!

Wenger has said that Gabriel’s poor English could cost his side goals.

“When you don’t speak English and you don’t understand ‘Come out, come back, right, left’, it is a problem for a defender,” Wenger said.

“You need to know the key words. Offside. Referee. Foul.” and he said further, “If you mix ‘going forwards’ with ‘going backwards’, it can cost you.”

Language barriers can be a source of confusion. Take it from me, having lived in another country with a different language for over fifteen years. Some embarrassing and awkward situations can arise, I’ve experienced it. However, could it cause problems in our defence? Furthermore, if the manager thinks it’s a problem and doesn’t put Gabriel in the side, how long will that be for? How long will it take the Brazilian to learn enough English to enable him to play without a communication breakdown?

Middlesborough are not going to be a push over. They are riding high in the Championship and are likely candidates to move into the Premiership next season. Do we really want to introduce a non- English speaking centre back into such an important game? A game that if we win propels us towards the final and retaining the FA Cup.

I wonder at what level he is currently? I assume he can say “yes” and “no”, and probably “Thank You” and “Please”. He may even have got to the serious level of, “I like you” and ” What’s your name?”. I’m sure Coq au Vin has taught him how to say, “Shut the fuck up”. And perhaps Giroud has taught him to roll on the floor with his arm in the air, shouting ” Ref… foul”. However, will he understand something shouted at him in the heat of the moment, in a period of sustained pressure and confusion?

“Paul Easter, get back you fucking idiot” (put in there French, German, Spanish, Chilean or English accent as appropriate) and barely audible with the Emirates crowd making a hell of a noise. He’ll have no chance.

I jest of course, I don’t think it will be problem at all. He’s a professional, he’s played at the highest level and he knows how to play at Centre Back.

What do you think? Should he play despite lacking the fundamentals of the English language? Is it a risk worth taking? Or am I just falando besteira?

OK , le temps pour un verre de vin et certains chorizo ​​épicé, j’espère que vous avez apprécié votre visite … jusqu’à la prochaine fois .

à bientôt

GunnersoreArse, an Arsenal Sunday supplement to out do all Sunday supplements. Struggling for readers and comments but never forgetting it’s obligations to keep Gooners informed and amused. In other words you bastards, I’m fucking trying.

TO DO list, week beginning Sunday 8th February 2015.

To Do List:

1. Do washing up and clean kitchen

2. Wash bed sheets and towels

3. Tidy lounge and get dog hairs off sofa

4. Clean bog seat (URGENT)

5. Visit studio and organise colour tubes and check stock

6. Visit Art shop and buy colours and canvasses

7. Arrange meeting with purchaser ( Bernard )

8. Start to arrange trip to UK. Need a bed for the night London Saturday 18th April?

9. Visit FNAC and check if they have tickets for Monaco game

10. Visit restaurant in Gordes and arrange exhibition with Damien

11. Trim Charlie dogs claws

12. Monday: Do shopping

Shopping List:

* Six baquettes (to freeze)

* Butter x 2

* 2 ltrs Olive Oil

* Cheese: Gouda slices, Cantal, Camembert, Raclette for pizzas, Goats cheese, Blue d’Auvergne

* Chorizo slices and ham

* Toulouse sausages x 6

* Chicken breasts x 8

* Minced beef

* Pizzas x 6

* Veg: Carrots, Potatoes, brocoli, Celery

* Fruit: Apples, Pears, Kiwi, Tomatoes

* Coriander

* Chilli peppers

* Thai Rice

* Kidney Beans

* Bleach, Shower gel, Washing up liquid

* 10 ltrs Red Wine

* White wine for cooking

* Cheap cider for cooking

* 1 ltr Pastis

* Fruit juice

Other Jobs:

1. Check levels on car: Oil, Brake fluid, Water / anti-freeze, Power steering etc

2. Phone Amelie

3. Phone brother

4. Do paperwork and post to Social security to re-new Carte Vitale

5. Pay fine (urgent)

6. Have a wank (very urgent)


* Don’t forget: Tuesday night Arsenal vs Leicester ( should win with lots of goals)

* Make effigy of Harry Kane and stick pins in it


Right, time for a glass of wine and some spicy chorizo, hope you enjoyed your visit, until the next time.

à bientôt

GunnersoreArse, a Sunday supplement for Arsenal supporters who want to forget yesterday, every Sunday at 9am GMT. Oh, and one more thing……………….

“Fucking Spud cunts”