We didn’t rule at the Palace… but a win is a win!

Santi Cazorla

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers from the Emirates Stadium.

Firstly I need to explain, to tell a little story and I want you bastards to listen. I’ve been having problems with my internet connection at home. I normally get a wi fi hotspot but the last few days it has been very temperamental, I have a chromebook so to work on it I need to be connected to the internet. So I was worried about getting my blog out as usual this week. consequently, I went to my local bar to watch the match and took my laptop with me, the intention being to write the blog as I watched the match on a large screen TV. I got to the bar at 3pm local time, a good hour before kick off. Installed myself at the bar and drank  a pastis.

Not long after I arrived some friends came into the bar and the drinks started to flow. My laptop was on a table already connected and awaiting my input about the game. The game started but by now the conversation, like the alcohol, was flowing freely. By the time the match started I’d had four glasses of pastis and the thought of typing out my match report in situ was becoming a bit of a chore. So I stayed at the bar counter and continued drinking but keeping an eye on the match. Welbeck goes down at the edge of the penalty area and we get a penalty, nicely converted by Santi. From what I could see, Palace were pressing us continually, our passing was going everywhere but to another Arsenal player and players seemed to be slipping on their arses all over the place.

Then I look at the screen and there is a great move with Ozil putting a through ball to Danny boy in the area and he shoots. The shot was stopped by their keeper but he couldn’t hold onto it and Giroud toe pokes into the net. Two nil and against the run of play, we are in the lead. However, from my blurred memory, I don’t think Palace had an effort on our goal, but by now I was well on my merry way so could be wrong about that.

We seemed to be cruising and the tactic of the day seemed to be quick, pacy breaks. In the second half I saw a sublime break, again with Ozil at the heart of it, from defence to attack within a couple of seconds. The ball goes to Sanchez in the Palace area but his shot goes just wide. Lovely stuff. But Palace start to push on and we are under increasing pressure, my bum starts to make strange noises and the thought creeps into my head that we could end up losing this 3-2. It’s an Arsenal supporter thing isn’t it. Never confident enough to think we can hold onto a lead.

Then on the obligatory 70 minute mark, our substitutions come on. The Gunners are going to park the bus, Gibbs and Rosicky come on to replace Welbeck and Ozil. This to me was inviting Palace to increase their pressure and the outcome was a goal pulled back in the 90th minute. My bum goes mental when the ref gives five minutes added time and Palace nearly salvage a draw in the last minute when luck smiled upon us and the post intervened.

A few points about the match, controversy surrounded both our goals, if the pundits are to be believed then Welbeck was marginally outside the penalty area when he was brought down. For the second goal he was deemed by the pundits to be offside. Fine margins, very very fine margins but I think the ref got the decisions spot on. However, another bizarre decision was when Ozil managed to beat their defeners to a header and it looped towards the goal only for Spironi to tip it over the bar. He definately got a touch but a goal kick was awarded instead of a corner.

But hey, a win is a win, we didn’t play well and some are suggesting the pitch had something to do with our wayward passing. Perhaps it was, perhaps it wasn’t…. who gives a shit. We won and have moved into third thanks to Uniteds loss in Wales.

By the end of the game I was fucking legless, my match report may be tinted by blurred, alcohol influenced eyes but who really cares, I bet some of you don’t even read it and just post some pornographic photo or video, yes I’m looking at you Chas. 🙂

Anyway, to type this report today I’ve had to leave a nice, warm and cosy flat to come to the bar again to get a wi fi connection at 9am in the morning. I believe this to be true dedication to my Sunday supplement, how many bloggers would do that. So I hope you bastards are reading and appreciate what I’ve done for you this morning. Enough of the bar not being open or the barman being fucking absent.

Right, time for another glass of wine…. gets up from table and walks to the bar to order….. hope you cunnuts enjoyed the post today, if my internet connection keeps playing up I’m going to have to pay for the internet, something I really don’t want to do. So will be investigating other options this week.

GunnersoreArse, brought to you fuckers despite serious restrictions and problems. Every Sunday at 9am GMT…. well today it’s 9:21 am GMT. 




57 thoughts on “We didn’t rule at the Palace… but a win is a win!

  1. Actually GN5, I’m staying at the bar all day long just so i can stay connected on the internet and reply to people as and when they comment…. so I can reply to you, you bastard, the bar is open 🙂

  2. Nice 69

    We won though we played slightly shit. Just goes to prove our invincibility.

    Gratitude? Your writing posts while getting pissed for fucks sake. I bet theres a nice looking barmaid that your constantly flirting with. She sees you as a jovial and harmless piss head, all the while not knowing your just waiting for an opportunity to defrost your member.

    Probably whinging to her now about lack of internet with the hope she will come round so you can show her your wireless connection

    And what you doing fucking freeloading internet? Thats a crime in my books. A a couple of years ago i noticed some one with the handle “Easy Rider” was somehow connecting to my net. I managed to work out they lived across the road so went round to have it out, half hoping it was an easy riding bird and we could come to an “arangement”.

    Turned out Easy Rider was a massive fat bastard with a tattoo of Batman down his neck

    He now also has free Sky TV and I do his Saturday shopping.

    The Ghosts of the Thirties are Stirring

  3. nice dedication, NorthBank. 🙂 Our season is not going to be defined by how well we played against Palace. It was not defined last year by the wonder goal against Norwich, so no chance with a scrappy win yesterday. But 3 points in the bag, no complaints.

    Bigeer fish to fry. Onwards and upwards. COYG. 🙂

  4. Thank you for the name check, though maybe you ought to look elsewhere for porn.
    Cockie’s your man. 🙂

    I like 3 points regardless of how they were won. When you’re three sheets to the wind it’s even better. 🙂

    Those three shitty ones we got against Leicester are a deep and distant memory.
    Arse.com says the subs were in the 76th minute. 🙂

  5. Hello my smegma sucking friends…. 🙂

    Just to let you know that I am still watching, Cockie man, be careful with the dancing Candy :-)… do you think she goes to home games?

    Chas, I know you are Pulled Pork… don’t try and deny it, I have your IP address you bastard.

    I’m still having problems with my wi fi network connection, this is a rare moment of connectivity, perhaps Transplant could give me his password for internet connection, he could also do my housework and shopping for me as well. Plus BT sport for free would be a good deal Transplant… what do you think? I’ll introduce you to some non-condom demanding women in France if you come to the Monaco game! 🙂

  6. Pulled Pork aka Chas

    You obviously want to pull someones Johnson….. I am really getting worried about you… plus I’m always worried about the Cockie man and Transplant. I can imagine when you all get together at the Emirates…….. it’s a fucking orgy of LadyBoys and anal anarchy

  7. Unlike you pervy bastards !…..all my lady pictures are Arsenal related as I take the time and effort to explore all assets of the Arsenal world to bring you some exceedingly tasteful class !.

    Position of the Day

  8. No `69er, I`m not Porky !……and that`s not Transplant !…..as he said he doesn`t wear any colours when watching the Arse`!……..whoever it is, they have my respect for wearing the colours …..up the Arsenal !. 😀

  9. Up the Arse Cockie man… I’d wear the colours with Candy, do you think I can get an introduction when I’m over in April? From Arsenal TV… perhaps she could model for me? 🙂

  10. Listen `69er !…….you`re in a good position owning websites about Arsenal and Art !……I`m sure by showing some gullible French tarts your sites, it will be easy to suggest they would be famous posing for you to paint their bodies in our iconic colours !……telling them they will be featured on the London art scene !. Easel does it !. 😀

  11. ha Cockie… it’s not that easy to get women to model for me, when I’m over there I need an introduction to Arsenal TV, they can find the women and I;ll paint them… you can be my assistant ok 🙂

  12. Whilst on my googling journeys of looking for some Arsenal related smut I came across a soft porn video of a woman in an Arsenal shirt semi-pleasuring herself !…..now do you want it or not ?.
    For some unknown reason she/he reminded me of Eddie, but without the DM`s and knuckledusters !. hahaha

  13. If it was Eddie I’d say yes…..but if it’s any old porno tart……. I’ll say no 🙂

    Porn in the morn to get over the mourning of a bad game eh… you’re so predictable Cockie man 🙂

  14. Now come on 69?, Cornwalls only doing if for our benefit.

    Hes seen so much porn his Todger is now immune, so now seeks thrills in “Totnumb snuff movies”,

    A Totnumb wanker is beaten to death with a replica premier league trophy and then his wife is forced to lie on top of the dead body as the Gooner shags her. hahaha

  15. Hahaha Stretch………………I got more aroused by her Arsenal shirt than her showing her half shaven John Terry !.

  16. Nice tits though Cornwall. The sort of women you would like to lose your toupee on after a nice head rub. hahaha

  17. Thanks for keeping the blog ticking over on a bad day for Arsenal blogging. You two are real heros.

    That old bird is a bit rough Cockie…. even I have better taste than that 🙂

  18. Well this rather changes the atmosphere of the grand away trip being planned your way, NB. Maybe football will be less on the mind and you’ll have to do more introductions than you anticipated!

    I am looking forward to your reflections on this one… For me, it is just the FA cup left for genuine excitement. I can’t be too engaged with this fight for third/fourth. Unless we do something absolutely miraculous at Monaco, we are hoping for something special up at OT.

  19. Oh dear. I think I’m going to struggle to get a post up today. Just got out of bed after another late night on the piss and head not right… I may try a bit later. Perhaps a midday post. Sorry cock suckers 🙂

  20. Good morning fanny stabbers 🙂

    I know I have been neglection my blog duties but not a lot I can do about it at the moment. Bad internet connection and preparing paintings to put into a restaurant have kept me away from Arsenal blogging. I’m hoping to get one up on the blog for Sunday so watch this space. Just to make you all jealous here is a photo of the Resaurant in the Luberon where I hung my paintings yesterday:

  21. Fantastic place, NB. The Luberon was gorgeous last fall–I hope someday to enjoy it in full lavender glory. You are living the good life. Don’t worry, we can get along once in a while without an Arsenal post, as frankly the team has been all that inspiring lately of either joy or anger. But I do hope you post a rousing preview of the MU match–that is a genuinely big game for us!

  22. Welcome back to your blog NB!!

    Just as I thought you’ve just been hanging about again this time you use a restaurant as an excuse, even going so far as showing us a picture – I’ll have none of it. If you’re not hanging around you’re looking for a connection – what can we expect next? Maybe artist’s elbow?

  23. Limey

    I’ll make sure I write something about the United game… we have to retain the bloody thing this year and get twelve wins compared to uniteds eleven.

    ha ha GN5

    Don’t laugh about artists elbow… I can get cramp in my right hand sometimes from holding a piece of charcoal or a brush for two long 🙂

    Michael, you must be enjoying your retirement… great when work doesn’t get in the way 🙂

  24. More like Piss Artists Tongue !……his speech is impaired and unfathomable to the French hearing and this has an impact on the rest of his body, especially his hands which become effected by Lead Fingers Syndrome and is unable to type any sense !.
    However, the inebriated bastard has just become the richest peasant in the South of France !. His cock has a intravenous drip fitted to a new technological power station where his piss generates electrical energy !
    So he now gets paid a high tariff for his mass piss producing cock and is currently in a self induced Pissoma…..a coma like state from being permanenttly pissed !.
    Don’t believe me ?. Think I`m taking the piss ?……well someone is !


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