How would the Arsenal do in the French league?

Bonjour et bienvenue de le GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged somewhere south of the Emirates Stadium approximately 918 kilometers…. I think so anyway, because it’s 11am here and I’m drunk already, in the bar des Halles.

With our result against Monaco and Paris St Germain beating the Chavs it got me thinking about if we were in the French Ligue une… playing against the likes of PSG, Marseille, Monaco, Lyon, Nice and the lower ranks of Metz,  Lens, Lorient?  England doesn’t have a team in the Champions League quarters for the first time since what… 1998 or something, however France have PSG and Monaco goig through…. there was a time when I thought France probably had the worst teams in Europe and the players drank too much wine, ate too much cheese and slept with the most beautiful women in the world. However, with the recent progression of two French teams I’ve had to reassess my thoughts about the Frogs.

If the Arsenal were in the French first division where would they be at this moment in time? PSG are currently top with Lyon second and Marseille close behind and Monaco in 4th place. So if PSG can beat the Chavs and Monaco can beat the Gunners, where would that leave us… 5th in the French League?

Where do you think we would be?


Newcastle 1 – 2 Arsenal

Just a few thoughts on yesterday game… I was in the bar and already drunk when the game started but what I saw was some grit and mental stuff… that thing Arsene always talks about. In the second half I was even more drunk and what I saw was our typical Jack and Hide response to a game we were easily winning… I started to get nightmares of 4 -4. However, we saw out the game well and got the three points. Shame City won but perhaps Chelsea will experience another blip today.

Right that’s it for today you lucky cunnuts…. just be thankful that I came out to the bar this morning to type a few words.

à bientôt connards….


31 thoughts on “How would the Arsenal do in the French league?

  1. Well can you all believe it – NB is actually sober enough to write something?
    It’s good to see you back on your blog even if it is from another bar.
    I’m still waiting for my single malt 4 days and counting?

    On our chances in the French League – it depends on which team showed up if it was the team from the first half yesterday we would win the league however if it was the team from the second half we would be no hopers!

  2. ha ha GN5…….. thats the problem with us… we never know which team will turn up. But the second half team yesterday hung on and got the win… a few years back and we probably would have lost at Newcastle 3-2 0r 4-2 🙂

  3. Bonjour, O pixilated one. 🙂

    I just saw you had been bragging on AA that you had ‘put a short one up’, and thought NB should keep that quiet – like Terry does!!! 🙂

    The rugby was superb, yesterday, and I would have loved to have joined you in among Les Francaises even if England did not win the 6 nations.

    Arsenal have this odd ‘on – off’ switch, so they can be brilliant one moment and absolutely dire the next.

    À bientôt, mon ami.

  4. hello redders….. a rare appearance for you on here but very welcome…. when you get to the same age as me, GN5, Arnie, Transplant , Raddy and Cockie, it does become shorter and does’nt work as well as it used to… 🙂

  5. Speak for yourself.

    As to the question ….. Don’t be silly, we would win Ligue 1 by the end of Jan and be Les Invincibles most seasons.

  6. Nice 69

    We would piss the french League mate.

    Not that were any better, we would just confuse the shit out of them with Theo Wallcots squeaky clean pace. A man who shaves every day, does not smoke or drink, and has never cheated on his wife? Sacre Fuck?

    My cock aint got shorter mate. For the last 30 years ive been measuring and taking pictures of it every day.

    I carry the pictures with me.. The other day I was round a friends house and whilst he popped to the toilet, his Mrs started showing me some crap photos of there holiday in Florida

    “Thats great Janet. Love the way you and Ted are smiling and holding hands, and little Billy looks so happy nicking that Mexican kids Ice Cream. Ive got some photos too Janet, would love to show them to you”

    “Thats nice Terry, what are they?”

    “There pictures of my cock. This was one was taken 12 years ago when I got a hard on watching Joan Collins in Star Trek. Its a bit grainy, but you can see ime enjoying her acting skills”

    “Oh my God, this is not appropriate Terry. Ted, Ted, Ted”

    “Nonsense Janet. This one is about 8 years back. No special occasion, just fancied a wank over Felicity Kendal. Look at this other one. particularly proud of it. It was taken a few years back when the Mrs was out, so I took a viagra and stared very hard at a picture of Wilma Flintstone”

    “Get out you Bastard, Ted Ted Ted”

    “Alright alright love. Calm down, ime going. Give me your email, I would love to send you the picture of the day I spotted Kate Moss in a restaurant”

    “Ted Ted Ted”

  7. I thought my cock was haunted !……not like VCC`s, as his is dead. His missus took it to one of those Swiss euthanasia clinics as over here it is illegal to kill someone`s cock, even if it is suffering from dementia and limp like !. VCC and his missus had a Wake ceremony for it where family and friends celebrated his cocks life and now it sits on a mantelpiece in the kids bedroom !……..anyway , back to my cock !……..I was sure it is haunted !……..I was in bed and naked with just a white silk sheet over me at night, only to wake up in the morning with the sound of …..wooooo wooooo wooooo !……I looked down at the end of my bed and saw what can only be described as a mini Casper sitting on my groin area looking back at me !…..this happened every morning for years !. So I called in a priest to do an exorcism !.
    I have to thank them priests as they are really conscientious at their jobs and nothing is too much for them, they were falling over their selves to get a look at my haunted cock, right troopers !. They even enquired to whether any of my children`s cocks were haunted, that’s how thorough they are !.
    Anyway, story short !…. it was a false alarm !……I was just waking up with a hard on every morning and it was my wife making the woooooing noises !.

  8. I warned terry about them under the counter pills from Mr Shah !……..anymore and he will take Carles Puyol`s place at Barca !.

  9. hahaha, thats me after a course of steroids Cornwall

    Never take that shit mate. They shrunk my balls and made me be nice to the wife.

  10. ha ha some lovely pics and banter. Raddy, I think we would run away with the French league as well… I put 5th just to provoke. 🙂

    GN5……… I drank some Strathisla 12 year old yesterday. Never heard of it but it wasn’t a bad’un.

    This is a rare moment of internet connection at my place this morning… not sure how long it will last? But you older guys understand that don’t you 🙂

  11. Hey Terry……you need a haircut…….You haven’t changed much since the last time we met at the Emirates two seasons ago.

  12. There was this young man, on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. It was wonderful, the experience of his life. But, it did not last. A Hurricane came up unexpectedly. The ship went down almost instantly.
    The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island. There was nothing else anywhere to be seen. No person, no supplies, nothing. The man looked around. There were some bananas and coconuts, but that was it. He was desperate, and forlorn, but decided to make the best of it. So for the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice and mostly looked to the sea hoping for a ship to come to his rescue.

    One day, from around the corner of the island came a rowboat. In it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen, or at least seen in four months. She was tall, tanned, and her blond hair flowing in the sea breeze gave her an almost ethereal quality. She rowed her boat towards him.

    In disbelief, he asked, “Where did you come from? How did you get here”?
    She said, “I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed on this island when my cruise ship sank.”

    “Amazing”, he said, “I didn’t know anyone else had survived. How many of you are there? You must have been really lucky to have a rowboat wash-up with you.”
    “It is only me”, she said, “and the rowboat didn’t wash up, nothing else did.”

    “Well then”, said the man, “how did you get the rowboat?”
    “I made the rowboat out of raw material that I found on the island,” replied the woman. “The oars were whittled from Gum tree branches, I wove the bottom from Palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.”

    “But, but,” asked the man, “what about tools and hardware, how did you do that?”
    “Oh, no problem,” replied the woman, “on the south side of the island there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools, and used the tools to make the hardware. But, enough of that, where do you live?”

    At last the man was forced to confess that he had been sleeping on the beach.
    “Well, let’s row over to my place”, she said. So they both got into the rowboat and left for her side of island.

    The woman easily rowed them around to a wharf that led to the approach to her place. She tied up the rowboat with a beautifully woven hemp rope. They walked up a stone walk and around a Palm tree, there stood an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.

    “It’s not much,” she said, “but I call it home. Would you like to have a drink?”
    “No,” said the man, “one more coconut juice and I will puke.”
    “It won’t be coconut juice,” the woman replied. “I have a still, how about a Pina Colada?” Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk.

    After a while, and they had exchanged their stories, the woman asked, “Tell me, have you always had a beard?”
    “No”, the man replied, “I was clean shaven all of my life, and even on the cruise ship”.
    “Well, if you would like to shave, there is a man’s razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom.”

    The man, no longer questioning anything, went upstairs to the bath room. There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle, two shells honed to a hollow ground edge were fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism. The man shaved, showered and went back down stairs.

    “You look great,” said the woman. “I think I will go up and slip into something more comfortable.” After a short time, she returned wearing fig leafs strategically positioned and smelling faintly of gardenia.

    “Tell me,” she asked, “we have both been out here for a very long time with no companionship. You know what I mean. Have you been lonely, is there anything that you really miss? Something that all men and women need. Something that it would be really nice to have right now.”

    “Yes there is,” the man replied, as he moved closer to the woman while fixing a winsome gaze upon her, “You mean you actually figured out some way to make an Internet connection?”

    Mines a single malt ——–please.

  13. Come on NB. Grasp the nettle and pay for an effing connection. Either through your mobile or ……

    You know the drill.

    I realise that in order to do so you may have to reduce your daily alcohol input but not by much – maybe a glass of red a day.

  14. hello hello… I am here mates. Been missing in action but now in the bar and got internet network. Watching the Liverpool game… i have several problems at the moment. Tryring to save money for my trip to UK in two weeks, no internet connection and I’ve just found a new woman to model for me… so been a bit busy. I will write a post after the Liverpool game today… I know I’ve let you all down and I feel guilty about that. right back to the game…. laters

  15. Raddy, He bloody well should feel guilty – I’ve been waiting over two weeks for a single malt. It sounds to me like he’s been “busy” showing another victim his etchings!!!

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