I got hammered and we got hammered… Cech is Maureens secret weapon!

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse Blog, being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

An Arsenal blog for degenerates and piss heads.

I go away for a weekend to get pissed and party and when I get back on Monday morning, what do I find… we got fucking hammered by the hammers. I didn’t see the match but by all reports we played dismally. Apparently Cech had a nightmare game as did the defence, Giroud couldn’t hit a barn door from 10 yards and the substitutions were poorly thought out. Is that how the game went? I can’t judge… didn’t see it, was too busy getting rat arsed and enjoying meself.

So here’s my theory, Maureen secretly agreed for Chelsea to sell Petrol Cheque to us, they agreed that they would pay him £50,000 a week to fuck up our season, have the occasional bad game and concede a few goals. Do this for the first 5 or 6 games and Arsenal won’t be a threat. Maureen wins, Petrol Cheque gets extra wages and the Gunners end up 12 points behind the Chavs.

A conspiracy theory gone berserk I know, but why not? If I was afraid of Wengers team and thought he could usurp my ascendancy then I’d do it. Call Petrol Cheque into the office and say, “Look Petra my girl, you ain’t gonna get first team football here at Stamford Bridge so here’s my plan. We sell you to Arsenal but on the understanding that you have some ‘poor games’ and concede a few goals. We keep you on a retainer and at the end of the season, if the Gunners are below us, you get a nice £2m bonus for your retirement.”

But in all seriousness my Gooner friends…. that was a bad start to the season. We were all so optimistic… perhaps too gung ho about the first game. What were we saying, an easy win, minimum 4-0. I’ve seen some of the blogs and the comments. The boys obviously thought the same… easy win here mates, we’ll hammer the hammers. Been there, done it and ultimately came away disappointed.

So here was I, up in the mountains, drinking myself silly and totally confident that we would get 3 points from West Ham. I hope they all get a kick up the Arsenal (Wenger too) and come out blazing against Crystal Palace next weekend. Last season we were something like 11 points behind Chelsea after just a few weeks, if that happens again this season then say goodbye to being Champions.

You know what I’m gonna do now…. poor myself a glass of wine, forget about yesterdays game and look forward to next weekend. COME ON YOU FUCKING GUNNERS.

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22 thoughts on “I got hammered and we got hammered… Cech is Maureens secret weapon!

  1. You’re a day late NB – now you’ll have to write nights to make up for it……………? (Sykes ish)

    Everything that we witnessed last season reared it’s ugly head all over again leaving hordes of Gooners wondering if they were a part of a nightmare. Unfortunately we were!

    Every team the world over knows how to beat us it’s known as the 4-1-4-1 DDD – double decker defense.

  2. Call that commitment? First game of the season after waiting a whole summer and you can’t even be arsed to find a stream? Prawn sandwich is what comes to mind.

  3. BR – NB’s painting it as we await his return.

    It’s a perpetual virtual bar, so just help yourself.

  4. Does it coincide with Le Coq having his worst and only bad game since coming back from Charlton ?……………………….Le Coq Sucked would make a great headline !. 😀

  5. Allo Banque du Nord soixante-neuf,
    ‘Olloway born an bred gooner here that lives about an hour and half north from you in Romans sur Isère. Been here since mid eighties….
    Still get to the odd match through season ticket holding bruvver.
    On my way to London this weekend for 10 days holidays, won’t get to see Liverpool match though.
    Keep up the blog! I follow a few, but never got round to posting a comment, maybe it’s the French connection that’s got me decided…..

  6. Hello John… good to see another ‘olloway boy living in the south of France. I’m off to the Val de Loire this weekend for the wine festival in Bourguiel…. I may not get to see the Palace game lol.

  7. Hermitage, crôzes, St Joseph, Cornas and St Péray round here mate, not the worst place to be…
    Might as well talk wine, can’t find anything to say about the football last weekend…

  8. Not bad wines at all……….. very close to Chateauneuf du Pape… which is over priced. This weekend I’ll be getting myself some St Nicolas de Bourguiel… but normally I drink basic Cotes de Rhone and Provencale Rose ha ha

  9. I used to do plenty rosé provencale now need to wash it down with beer to avoid heartburn…
    Got back into the ol’ Pastis this summer, after a couple of years off…must be the heat!
    Got a date Saturday night in London with a bird back from the punk days….any suggestions as to where I could take her? ooh er missus, i don’t mean that kinda take….

  10. John, if it’s a restaurant you are looking for in central London, the last time I was there I had dinner at The Imli in Wardour Street. Its a Indian Tapas… good choices, authentic Indian beer or cocktails. Good prices.

  11. For pubs I don;t think you can do better than Camden Town, loads to choose from. The Elephants Head is nice and cosy… would be good for a couple of ex punks as well. 🙂

  12. Cheers B du N,
    as it turns out, she’s suggested the Old Fountain near Old street, which is about half way for us both between ‘Olloway and Bow (where she is) Perfect blow-out territory, but handy enough if that ain’t the case……
    I know Camden town really well, the scenario of my teenage years….Music Machine, Electric Ballroom, Dingwalls….

  13. Robert Pires`s wife, Jessica !…………….I have it on good authority that she crossed her legs to hide the Arsenal Dildo !.

  14. Always thought Pires was an ugly fcuker, but it doesn`t seem to matter how fcuking ugly you are if you`re stinking rich to get some top looking fanny !………………….If `69er was Picasso instead of Pissed Asshole, he would even pull a cracker !. 😆

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