Welcome to the GunnersoreArse Blog, being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.
An Arsenal blog for degenerates and piss heads.
I go away for a weekend to get pissed and party and when I get back on Monday morning, what do I find… we got fucking hammered by the hammers. I didn’t see the match but by all reports we played dismally. Apparently Cech had a nightmare game as did the defence, Giroud couldn’t hit a barn door from 10 yards and the substitutions were poorly thought out. Is that how the game went? I can’t judge… didn’t see it, was too busy getting rat arsed and enjoying meself.
So here’s my theory, Maureen secretly agreed for Chelsea to sell Petrol Cheque to us, they agreed that they would pay him £50,000 a week to fuck up our season, have the occasional bad game and concede a few goals. Do this for the first 5 or 6 games and Arsenal won’t be a threat. Maureen wins, Petrol Cheque gets extra wages and the Gunners end up 12 points behind the Chavs.
A conspiracy theory gone berserk I know, but why not? If I was afraid of Wengers team and thought he could usurp my ascendancy then I’d do it. Call Petrol Cheque into the office and say, “Look Petra my girl, you ain’t gonna get first team football here at Stamford Bridge so here’s my plan. We sell you to Arsenal but on the understanding that you have some ‘poor games’ and concede a few goals. We keep you on a retainer and at the end of the season, if the Gunners are below us, you get a nice £2m bonus for your retirement.”
But in all seriousness my Gooner friends…. that was a bad start to the season. We were all so optimistic… perhaps too gung ho about the first game. What were we saying, an easy win, minimum 4-0. I’ve seen some of the blogs and the comments. The boys obviously thought the same… easy win here mates, we’ll hammer the hammers. Been there, done it and ultimately came away disappointed.
So here was I, up in the mountains, drinking myself silly and totally confident that we would get 3 points from West Ham. I hope they all get a kick up the Arsenal (Wenger too) and come out blazing against Crystal Palace next weekend. Last season we were something like 11 points behind Chelsea after just a few weeks, if that happens again this season then say goodbye to being Champions.
You know what I’m gonna do now…. poor myself a glass of wine, forget about yesterdays game and look forward to next weekend. COME ON YOU FUCKING GUNNERS.