FA Cup day…. and we’ve got something to defend and a chance to make history. Just as they made history in Pendle, near Burnley, in 1612. One of the most famous witch trials in English History. Twelve were accused of murdering ten people by witchcraft, of the eleven who went to trial, nine women and two men (one had already died in prison), ten were found guilty and executed by hanging, one was found not guilty. Can’t explain why one was found not guilty, not in those days, everyone was found fucking guilty.
What else is interesting about Burnley, well it’s in Lancashire, so Lancashire hotpot is famous…..
and rightly so, it’s bloody yummy
Lancashire women are hearty and welcoming, they like to cuddle you and surround you with their large ample breasts and warm bodies and feed you their Lancashire Hot Pot…… bloody yummy.
Bury Black Pudding, created when you had to use up every single part of a pig, so the blood was cooked as well….. Bloody yummy.
And then there are Eccles cakes, full of currents and baked with puff pastry…… bloody yummy.
So what about our opponents, Burnley FC, nicknamed the ‘Clarets’, perhaps after the Black Pudding. Founded in 1882 and one of the founder members of the Football league in 1888, their home ground has been Turf Moor since 1883. They’ve been League Champions twice, way back in the dark ages and won the FA Cup in 1914 when every other player was off at the Front fighting for King and Country.
They did however, reach the quarter finals of the European Cup in 1961. They were quite famous in the 50’s and 60’s for being dead ball specialists and developing the unknown concept of ‘Total Football, which made them one of the more attacking sides during that period.
And don’t forget all the inbreeding that went on up there in Lancashire, here’s an example from 1905, a photo of two Burnley supporting brothers….. their father was their uncle and their mother was their sister and it’s recorded that she was their aunt too.
Furthermore, it still goes on, as this headline from the Burnley Daily Herald proves:
CCTV APPEAL: Man seen touching himself and making kissing noises at young girls in Burnley town centre.
But where are Burnley FC now? They’re in the Championship, somewhere near the top and doing well, in fact, they could even be promotion candidates. Last week they thrashed Derby 4-1 and are on a good run of form.
Do we have to be careful today? They are quite capable of causing a Cup upset, Wenger needs to field a strong side if we are to continue our march towards a third FA Cup trophy in a row and make history.
Who do we have available? Sanchez and Özil are fit, it looks as if Le Big Coq will be fit, I hope Cech plays but there are rumours that Ospina will be in the team and I’m sure our new chap from Morocco will get a try out today as well. The BFG won’t play because of his red card so Paul Easter will be included next to Kosser, Gibbs may come in for Monreal but Bellerin has to play because we don’t have anyone at the moment to deputize for him.
Up front, your guess is as good as mine, take Giroud, Walcott, the Ox, Campbell and Iwobi, put their names in a hat and pull out two.
So what are our chances? I don’t fucking know, I’m not a football bollocks expert! I prefer to post black and white photos of naked women, get drunk and have a fucking laugh.
I’m 100% sure that there will be a result though.
It could end up two ways, we thrash them and go through easy peesy, or they cause a cup upset and my dream of us making history goes down the drain just like the blood of the witches in Pendle in 1612. Let’s just hope they haven’t put a spell on the referee or offered him a free lifetime supply of Black pudding and ample bodied Lancashire women.