Spurs v Arsenal.. I’m on my knees and praying today!

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There haven’t been many times in my life that I have felt the need to pray. I’m not a religious person, never have been and never will be. The closest I’ve ever come to doing something religious was at school when I had to attend R.E. classes.

In fact I can remember clearly the three times that I have prayed to whoever might be there to listen and to grant my wish.

The first time I felt the need to speak to a higher being and ask for a favour was in 1970 when I was aged sixteen. I was living with my parents at 23 Sonning Street, N7, just off Caledonian Road, Islington. There was a really tasty 32 year old woman living opposite us who had just divorced her husband and she stopped me in the street one day and told me that now her husband wasn’t there, no DIY work was being done on her flat and asked if I would be able to do some repairs on the kitchen and living room.

I prayed for several days before doing the work, every night I got on my knees, put my hands together and pleaded with God to grant my wish. I really wanted her request for me to do some DIY work to really mean, ‘do some work for me and then you can fuck me!’ Believe me, I put my every emotion into those prayers, as a 16 year old I’d only been with girls with similar or less experience than me, and that wasn’t much. So the idea of slipping one to an experienced, horny 32 year old divorcee had me creaming my fucking knickers.

Well I did the work, it only took a day and at the end of the day she offered me a few beers and one thing led to another…. she did all the leading because I really didn’t have the experience to know whether she was game or not, and thus started six months of a sexual education which still fondly rests in my memories. Thank you God.

The second time I felt a need to ask for something through prayer was in 1979. I was on trial and sitting in the cells below the Inner London Crown court awaiting the jury to return with their verdict. The charge was Attempted Murder and I had pleaded Not Guilty to that  but Guilty to GBH / Malicious Wounding. The difference in the two was a 15 year plus prison sentence or three to five years. Believe me, I offered up every form of regret possible and asked for forgiveness and promised  never to hurt another person in my life.

I was led from the cell to the courtroom when the jury returned to pronounce my fate………. Not Guilty, I went week at the knees and nearly shouted hallelujah as the judge sentenced me to three years. Thank you God.

The third time I was in need of some religious help was in 1988 when I applied to the Home Office for funding to do my Social Work course, if I got it, it practically guaranteed employment as a Probation Officer after qualification. I’d already worked for the Inner London Probation Service unqualified for 6 years, working with some of the most difficult teenagers in a hostel in Hackney, we took the offenders who other hostels refused to take.

The Home Office denied my funding, on the basis that ten years had to elapse after release from prison before they could consider funding. For fuck sake, they’d already employed me for six years so I thought there would be no problem. The difference would have been approximately £5000 a year compared to a local authority grant of about £1200 a year and the need to find part-time work as well as doing a full-time Social Work course. Thanks for nothing God, you fucking bastard.

However, I soon understood that God works in mysterious ways because I found some part-time work at an independent drugs outreach charity in the West End and it was there that I met a lovely, sexy social worker and we spent a glorious 12 years together with some amazing sex. So…Thank you God.

The Home Office, after knocking me back on funding in 1987, did approve my employment as a Probation Officer in 1990, the fucking hypocrites.

So they are the three times I’ve prayed in my lifetime but I now find myself here once again, in 2016, with an urgent need to get on my knees, put my hands together, pray for forgiveness for whatever wrongdoings I’ve done since the last time I prayed and to ask the biggest and most important request I have ever made………………

……… please oh please oh please, Lord, oh great one, please, please let Arsenal win at White Hart Lane today against those dirty fucking no good fucking shadow dwellers and fucking inbreds who have the fucking audacity and fucking cheek and the fucking delusions to think they are now fucking good enough to get out from under our shadow. If you allow this request I will do a hail mary every day for the rest of my life and will also indulge in some self-flagellation every day as well to cleanse my body of impurities…. what ever you want, you can even have my soul. Just grant me this one wish and take whatever you want…. please.

oh…. and PS…. please give us a ref who will be kind to us…..


Come on you fucking Gunners.




47 thoughts on “Spurs v Arsenal.. I’m on my knees and praying today!

  1. Good morning all you scared Gooners 🙂
    How many of you are wearing nappies today for the most crucial NLD of all time?

    I hope, like me you will be down on your knees today, praying to whatever God turns you on…. I know Transplant will be ha ha
    I’m just about to go bed, well, kip off in an armchair, so enjoy the read and hopefully, Ill be awake for the game.:-)

  2. Bonjour Soixante-Neuf, well that’s the oddest pre-match I’ve ever read.

    None of that tactical shit, not a hint of a team selection, never a vestige of a score prediction, just a heartfelt plea to whatever we deities are listening for an Arsenal victory.

    I sincerely hope your prayers are answered NB.

    Personally I have a bottle or two of Bordeaux with which to celebrate our win. The same two bottles will help alleviate the misery should we lose.

    Hope for the best, plan for the worst. 😀

  3. Morning NB, well fuck me sideways, i have read many many PM’s and i have to say that is one of the best, fuck all about the game, but i felt the force behind it fucking blinding.

    Now i did write a comment on the old post as to my views on this match, but after reading NB’s Post i have to say that he has been fucking lucky with his praying. Northbank is a fucking Rough diamond, but it has to be said he has put himself out to help others.

    He gets a shag of his life, a fucking lean sentence, and fucking plenty of work. I am going to go along with his fucking lucky prayers and i might even have thoughts of a prayer myself COYRRG’s

  4. All? Steve, there’s only thee, me and the piss artist artist, and thee and the piss artist artist have pissed off.

    Now I’m pissed off so I’m going to piss off too.

    A tout l’heure.

  5. hello girls…. I’m up from the armchair, couldn’t get much fucking sleep because there are 20 people in the house and they were up for breakfast, in the fucking toilet, moving furniture for people to have breakfast and then prepare fucking lunch, so I’m up and about to have an apero…. Norfolk, the bloke who owns the house has an amazing wine cellar…. I think I’m about to drink something really expensive just for a hangover cure ha ha ha

  6. I’m here to Norfolk. Far too nervous to sit still. Can’t believe I’m like this at my age. No good for my heart.

    Absolutely no idea what is going to happen today, has any one?

  7. Line-ups


    7Son Heung-min




    Michael Oliver

  8. Come on VCC, man up! Out from behind the sofa.

    Put on a brave face. You have it easy, I’ve got to watch the game alongside my wife, a Spurs supporter for longer than we known each other, and with a golden wedding anniversary only days away, that’s along time.

  9. That’ll do at half time….. Spervs will come out fighting though so we need to keep our concentration and to keep the pressure on…. we can do this!

  10. Today we showed the character that’s been missing recently, we definitely gained a point and Spervs lost 2 points…. we would have won that with eleven, fucking ref. We will gain some confidence from that.

  11. Well I’ve really enjoyed myself on here all on my own…. the people in the house where I am thought I was radio fucking rental the way I was shouting at the telly ha ha

    I suppose we want Leicester to now lose at Watford?

  12. Honours about even I think, maybe we slightly shaded it being down to ten men.

    NB, you can’t blame the ref, Coquelin was utterly stupid to make that tackle, he was inviting the ref to esend him off. Having said that he should also have dismissed Dier, but that’s what you get away from home.

    Ospina scares me stiff. Gabriel is like the proverbial curate’s egg, good in parts. Alexis is coming good, Welbeck can do well, a bit more from Ozil wouldn’t come amiss.

    After the sending off I thought we were going to get stuffed, credit to the boys for sticking it out and almost sticking it to the Spuds at the death.

    Bring on Hull City!

  13. Afternoon Arsene Bandits !

    I dont care about the less than football content, that was best PM since Oz Gunner used to do them on Bergkampesque, he`s were all about football and much better than that fake Danish cunt on AA !. hahaha

    I pray that `69er gets back with his sexy soacial worker and has another 12 years of amazing sex !…..give us his name `69er and I`ll try and trace him for you !.

    I`m now praying for a Leicester win !……I know I`m being defeatist, but we are not going to win this EPL, no matter what way you try and butter it up, we must pray that Leicester stop the Spuds from winning it and we ahve done our little bit today !.

    True what NG says…….Usmanov will only make money if he sells his shares, shame that Kroenke doesn`t think that and sell all his to Uzzy, then we can look forward to us competing not only on the pitch but off of it !……………………….maybe we should all pray d for that as it`s about the not too distaant future !.

    Amen !.

  14. I know that Norfolk, but my point was, despite the Coqs second foul, the ref shouldn’t have given him a second yellow because he didn’t give Dier a second yellow…. if you follow my drift 🙂

    I reckon we should appeal against it and cite the Dier incident in mitigation

  15. Afternoon all, Your prayers were answered NB, but you said he works in mysterious ways, so i reckon you were guilty of attempted murder, and he has only given you a little part of what you prayed for. Its your fucking fault that Coq got sent off.

    Our defending gets worse, Merts again fucks up, but the system is wrong Zonal marking is fucking hopeless, we cannot mark spaces when forwards are standing unmarked. What the fuck are we doing walking backwards and letting them come at us, surely we must put a challenge in as early as we can.

    Is it that hard to pass a ball six yards to someone’s feet at a pace that takes no control. Passes are going at a hundred miles an hour 3 foot wide, pass the fucking ball earlier.

    I often wonder why we pass all round the box and never cross or shoot, because we never have a fucking player in the box that fucking Why, A man runs his socks off down the wing and looks up and who is busting a gut to get on the end of a cross, No fucker that’s who. Giroud cant get there quick enough, Walcott is frightened he may get near a defender and Welbeck doesn’t know what fucking foot to kick it with.

    moving in to space would help in a player finding a pass our players are rooted to the spot Having said all that a draw is better than what we have been getting..

  16. Dier’s second yellow came after Coquelins, so couldn’t influence the ref either way.

    I do agree though, that having shown Coquelin two yellows he should have shown Dier a second.

    We can appeal all w like but it won’t alter the fact that Spurs scored twice shortly after Coquelin was sent off.

    None of which alters the fact that Coquelin was an absolute prat for attempting the tackle on Kane.

  17. He was Norfolk, he should just have kept up with him and pushed along the byline until re-enforcements came along…. oh well, apparently he only misses the game against Hole…

  18. Need Mansour City to win as another to stop the spuds winning it !…………..it`s all about not letting the Spuds win it !……too not win the league when Manshafter, Chavs and City are not in it is bad enough ,but letting the Spuds win it would be unforgivable !.
    Everything else must be put into trying to beat Hull as this is the only chance for silverware, fuck the Champions League and fuck qualifying for it !……had Totnumb and Hill been in the CL: this season and us not in it or in the EL, we would probably won the league by now !…….CL is detriment to us winning the league and so would EL…unless Wenger had the brains to use it for youth players experience !……what about the money you say……I think you`ll find the EPL TV deal dwarfs the CL money !.

  19. Don’t want City or Leicester to win Cockie…. we do still have a chance to win the double. the Spervs confidence will now be shot to pieces and the pressure will now start taking its toll. Have faith my Cornwall friend 🙂

  20. Right, in the house where I am at the moment there are three bathrooms and they been fucking occupied all day, one has just become free so I’m off to wash me cream crackers and cheese stick 🙂

  21. Morning all.
    After four games we finally take a point from rivals Spuds, Many are saying we have to finish above them, but in all seriousness that should not be the goal of the season. There is still a chance of finishing top, but of course we now have to rely on others for that to happen. its really out of our hands.

    A North London Derby is a must win game for both teams involved, both sets of supporters like nothing better than to have the upper hand, It has to be said, that whoever had won this match, it wouldn’t have made much difference to the leader Leicester, as they just seem to be doing what they need to , to increase their lead.

    Our game yesterday was more a game of saving face, and not a game to define the season, Both teams could have played better, Spuds took their chances well , Where our centre forwards still cannot find a goal. It has to be said that our strikers are struggling, they hardly ever shoot, very seldom are shots hit with venom, and very seldom go in.

    Our goals yesterday came from Aaron Ramsey’s back heel, was it a fluke or did he mean it, He tried the same trick many times throughout the game in trying to pass, but very seldom did it come off. Sanchez goal came from sheer determination, He had a better game than some previous,but he does give his all.

    Problems with our discipline has shown up again, Coquelin with an early Yellow, got suckered into another lunge on Harry Kane who dramatically dived to offer the Referee no alternative but to brandish a second yellow and a final red.

    Mertsacker was again caught out with his lack of pace. A ball that went passed him and not being quick enough to clear the danger saw a spud player nip in front of him and a clever back heel left Mertsacker for dead. Harry Kane who has never been frightened of shooting from anywhere curled a quite brilliant shot past a struggling Ospina.

    Both sides had chances, and it has to be said Ospina had a very good game, he worries me but did his job well today, While both sides gained a point, Leicester increased their lead by another two points. Leicester the in form side, look to have this league sown up, and it looks at the moment that there is no stopping them

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