Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.
Firstly, a match report from yesterdays Emirates Cup game between Arsenal FC and Benfica:
We fucking won 5-1, good game, let’s have more please.
Now to the more important stuff:
I have, myself, full confidence that if all do their duty, if nothing is neglected, and if the best arrangements are made, as they are being made, we shall prove ourselves once again able to defend our Island home, to ride out the storm of war, and to outlive the menace of tyranny, if necessary for years, if necessary alone. At any rate, that is what we are going to try to do.
It seems quite appropriate to use those words from Winston Churchill just before we start our new campaign. A war cry has gone up, echoing out from the Emirates Fortress across the land far and wide and reaching the ears of our bitter enemies. A war cry giving a very clear message and it is saying:
“We may have been battered and we may have lost a battle or two, but it is not over, the war continues and our army is being re-enforced at this very moment. We are preparing to come back stronger, well armed and more determined. So beware, mock us at your peril, for is it not said that an animal is at its most dangerous when wounded and cornered.”
Last season our pride was hurt, my pride was severely wounded with those three away defeats. If we had lost 1-0 or 2-1 it may have been less painful, but the shame and dishonour of the manner of those defeats was deeply felt with a feeling of humiliation and anger. I was ready to kill, I wanted to take up arms and march on Merseyside, West London and Manchester Central Arndale shopping centre and kill, kill, kill. Such was the pain and anger cursing through my veins. I wanted to see the whole North West of England with streets running with rivers of blood, dismembered bodies piled up high and burned in Lancashire town squares. I wanted to see the suburbs of West London put to the flame and destroyed, the Kings Road pillaged and demolished. I wanted to see Stamford Bridge taken apart brick by brick and thrown into the Thames, Mourinho strung up and hanging from a gallows outside of Fulham Broadway tube station, John Terry hung, drawn and quartered in Sloane Square, Samir Nasri guillotined in Manchester Piccadilly Plaza and Luis Suarez strapped to a chair and tortured by having his teeth pulled out one by one without anesthetic.
I wanted to see the sky Red with the flames of my anger, the streets Red with the blood of my enemies and the Red pride of North London restored. I wanted violent revenge, death and suffering imposed upon our enemies. And I want to see us inflict serious damage and distress upon out opponents in the coming season. Destroy and conquer, demean and humiliate. Draw blood and decapitate, nothing less.
Ah my friends, I jest, enough of jesting, enough! Violence solves nothing. It’s only a game of football is it not. Just 22 God-fearing men on a green English field kicking an inflated pigs bladder. Running amongst the meadow weed, daisy’s and the dandelions, laughing gayly with team mates, opponents and brethren, participating in a friendly sport where it is not the winning that counts but the participation, is that not the important thing?
Is it fuck my fine Gooner friends, is…… it……… FUCK!
I want revenge and I want blood. I want our Red and White New Model Army to be ruthless, determined and merciless, I want them to inflict the maximum of casualties, slow death and degradation upon all our enemies, be it minnow or giant, the weak or the strong. I want us to pull their pants down, grease them up and aim for fucking penetration with the maximum of pain and embarrassment. I want our enemies to leave the field at the end of the battle battered and humiliated, wishing they had never turned up. Take no prisoners!
The indignity of last seasons defeats have been analysed to death, so there is no need to examine them any further. Why suffer even more pain than absolutely necessary, BT Sport have kindly done that for us with their adverts. No, the most important thing is that we have reinforced our army and weaponry, we are preparing for a new campaign and we have sent out a very clear war cry, “We are back, we are stronger and we are ready.” And as we step into the unknown and hope that fate smiles kindly upon us, let the battle commence………………….
ARS-E-NAL, ARS-E-NAL, ARS-E-NAL.
Right time for a glass of wine and some spicy chorizo….. I hope you enjoyed your visit. Until the next time.
Giving a GunnersoreArse to our enemies…. grease, aim and penetrate! Every Sunday morning at 9am GMT. And on a nice cultured and artistic note, you can read my Arts Sunday supplement on page 2 here: http://wp.me/p4PyIS-A
The Sunday Poll: Who will be the Arsenal top scorer 2014/15. (all competitions)
ha ha, after yesterdays game, how many will now choose Sanogo!