January sales and keeping our hands on the FA Cup.

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

Transfer porn month.

Well, back to normal after the festivities, which for me means carry on as normal. I’ve never been one for waiting till a particular moment in a year to celebrate as if there is no tomorrow. Why wait until a birthday or New Years Eve to get bolloxed and out of your fucking head when you have 365 days in the year to do the same. Plain stupidity is how I see it, and is influenced by big business and corporations who think only of profit. A retail shop or supermarket can earn 50% of its annual turn-over during the short Christmas and New Year period. Fucking madness but the world joins in regardless.

Which leads us nicely into the transfer window, one month for managers to rush around like headless chickens, trying to find the new expensive toy which will keep the children (fans) happy. Arsène Wenger is in his normal January position, injuries and a suspension forcing him into the market place where he could be at risk of buying a dummy like Kaelstrom. From the statistics I’ve just looked at we have Welbeck, Flamini, Ramsey, Ozil, Wilshere, Arteta, Bellerin, Gnabry and of course the glass man, Diaby all on the treatment table, having their egos massaged along with their thighs, calves and other muscles or tendons. Add to that list Giroud who is suspended and Podolski, who is injured but also abroad talking with another club, then we can imagine our French manager is already in the queue outside either Harrods or the Poundshop, depending on your viewpoint.

What is on the shelf in the shop then, something tasty and long-lasting or a short-term sweetener to keep the taste buds initially happy but ultimately, leaving you wanting more.

In the press and on the blogs there are the usual suspects being chucked around like the proverbial confetti, Edinson Cavani, William Carvalho and………. Winston Reid…. the list goes on. Will we get a player on short-term loan, or go for the longer stability of the team? Where are the most urgent needs in the team? And do we really need any new players? Wenger has to weigh all these things up before he commits to splashing the cash, which from some sources apparently, we have plenty to splash.

Add into the mix the other big clubs who will be in the queue as well, with their chequebooks open and negotiators on hand ready to beat us to the deal, then the whole process is a nightmare which will last a month, not just for our manager but for us as well, the fans. Oh what joy, all the usual blog shit and guesswork will rear its ugly head in a four week orgy of transfer porn and speculation. Enjoy.

Can we keep our grubby hands on the FA Cup?

Today it starts all over again for the Gunners, FA Cup 3rd round tie against the team we beat in last seasons final. Wenger said this week:

“We want another cup run and we want to, if possible, keep the trophy. We have won it five times in my period in charge, so that means we know the importance that it has,”

He also went on to say:

“What is for sure is that we have room for improvement and we have to manage to do that quickly.”

As we  found out at Wembley in May, Hull City are no push over. They will come to the Emirates with a plan and with the intention of leaving with a result. I’m not as confident as some, the Tigers beat Everton last week quite convincingly, whereby at Southampton we showed our defensive frailties once again. However, goalkeepers will probably be changed for the game against Hull, with Ospina coming in for Chezzers and hopefully, Theo will be ready for a full 90 minutes. But as with the defensive weaknesses last week, our forwards and midfield need to improve from that performance as well. Our shortcomings, excuse the pun, in attack was clearly evident against Southampton and how did we play, high balls into the opponents penalty area, where we had two 5’6″ players up against defenders all over 6′, it was painful to watch. Our passing fell to pieces and for a team that prides itself on its passing game, that is unforgivable. So as Mr Wenger says, “What is for sure is that we have room for improvement and we have to do that quickly.”

Understatement of the year after last weeks match and if those improvements aren’t made this week then I can see our grip on the FA Cup being grappled from our hands rather quickly. Enjoy the match where ever you may be watching, lets hope for a win but prepare for a defeat.

Right, time to continue with my New Year celebrations, still 362 days left, so a glass of wine and some spicy chorizo. Hope you enjoyed your visit…… until the next time.

à bientôt

The GunnersoreArse Sunday supplement, a haven of calm and tranquility and pictures of tits and arse, for those who like it that way. 

 

The injury Gods unkind to Wenger once again.

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

It was on the cards wasn’t it? We were all waiting for it weren’t we? It was inevitable don’t you think? It was a tragedy waiting just around the corner, and just as we least expect it, it leaps out and bites us in the ankle. Injury strikes once again, but not half way through the season this time, oh no, but just as the season fucking starts. The list gets longer: Gibbs, Diaby, Koscielny, Arteta, Ospina, Sanogo, Walcott and now Giroud. Add to that a suspension for Ramsey and our team is already at crisis point for one of the most important games of the season, the one that we need to win to get us into the Champions League group stage.

Just as Wenger was saying the team is well stocked with forwards, we hear that Giroud has damaged his ankle. In his press conference yesterday Arsene Wenger confirmed Giroud will miss tonights Champions League play-off second leg with Besiktas but added:

“After that, we don’t know how long he will be out for. It’s sad for us. Olivier will see a specialist, then we’ll make an announcement of how long he’ll be out.”

Sanogo is apparently fit to play but Theo isn’t back for another few weeks. This leaves us with Sanchez, Campbell, Sanogo and now that Wenger has said he is going nowhere, Podolski. All of a sudden our forward line isn’t looking so well stocked. If Koscielny is fit ( he was in the training video yesterday but Wenger didn’t mention him) then our back four should be more solid, Wenger could take a risk with him for such an important game or he may start on the bench. Add to that Arteta and Ramsey missing from midfield and the team for tonight, well, your guess is as good as mine, but it could look like this:

:submit football lineup

Bench: Martinez, Bellerin, Chambers/Koscielny, Sanchez, Rosicky, Campbell/Sanogo, Podolski.

It doesn’t look too bad. I’d put Campbell up front because he has the CL experience and I think he would be motivated, but Wenger will probably play Sanogo. The rest of that line up are familiar with playing together, and that’s what we’ll need tonight, a team who have already had substantial playing time together. Sanchez has been a bit too wayward in his first few games and shouldn’t be risked in my opinion. Flamini and Wilshere covering defensive midfield will give us more chance of keeping a clean sheet, which will be vital. If Besiktas score a goal we’ll be looking to score two to go through. The weakness in that line up is Santi on the left-wing and how that leaves Monreal exposed, but I would see Flamini covering that side to alleviate the pressure on the left back. Demba Ba will be up for it tonight and going all out to score.

If we get through I’ll be very relieved and I think we will, it just means I’ll be  on the edge of my sofa for the whole game. But tomorrow will we see Wenger running down the Transfer Supermarket aisle with his trolley, trying to get it filled just before the shop closes. In his rush he could end up mistakenly buying a bottle of Château Plonk instead of a Château Haut-Marin. If the rumours on Giroud are correct and he is out for a minimum of three months, we need more than Eto’o on loan, we need something more than Remy! It’s interesting that when we had Giroud fit, Remy for me would have been an ideal back-up, now however, in this situation he just doesn’t tick all the right boxes. Wenger needs to go for a proven CF and this late in the window, that is going to be near impossible. Furthermore, teams knowing that we are now desperate, prices will rise, so we could end up with a bottle of over priced cooking wine, called Château Welbeck! This is assuming Wenger will even look for CF cover.

If Campbell is given a chance I think he can come good as a stand in CF, and if Sanchez can find his feet soon then the attack will be vastly improved. But these are big ‘ifs’ and what we need right now is a solid forward line capable of scoring. I don’t see that at the moment and even if we get a new CF to cover Giroud, as we’ve witnessed with Sanchez, there will be a bedding in period. And all the time there is always the risk of further injuries. Welbeck at £16m is looking like a very good gamble in my eyes right now. Has Wenger made a gaff by not buying earlier? Or has the problem been the fact that we didn’t have CL football yet? A bit of a chicken and egg scenario I suppose. What we do know however, is that we need another CF, another DM and possibly another CB. It’s a very large shopping list that perhaps Wenger will not be able to get into his shopping trolley before the supermarket closes.

I predict a very nervy 1-0 to the Arsenal. I’m not sure if it will be a match to enjoy, but wherever you are watching it…. stay calm!

Right, time for a glass of cheap plonk and some quality spicy chorizo….. hope you enjoyed your visit. Until the next time.

à bientôt

GunnersoreArse, the blog equivelant to a bottle of Château cooked cabbage, you just have to smell it to know there are better blogs out there. Not just a Sunday supplement now, but going to press every Arsenal match day. Get your order in while stocks last.

Painting credit: “The Scream” by Edvard Munch.

 

 

 

Who will be the next Arsenal departure? plus Thierry Henry, Red Balls and a Sore Arse.

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

There’s lots of speculation at the moment surrounding who may leave the Arsenal in the very near future. So here is a little poll to see what people think. Comments about reasons would be useful so feel free to add something in the comments section. I’ve only included who I feel are first team players, leaving out those on the periphery who may go out on loan. I’ve also left out TV5 because he would have been an obvious choice. I’ve also left out our recent signings Sanchez and Debuchy for obvious reasons. Current rumours are focussing on Jenks going if another RB like Chambers is signed. Which would be a shame because I really like the lad and he is a Gooner through and through. Cazorla has been linked with a move back to Spain and Podolski always seems to be a likely candidate because everyone seems to think that Wenger doesn’t like him? But is there a possible shock departure on the cards. Do vote and let me know your thoughts.

 

 

New York, New York! Match report.

New York Red Bulls 1 – 0 Arsenal

(Wright-Phillips 33)

A full stadium of 25,000, temperature 28c and Thierry Henry. Strangely, the game wasn’t on Arsenal player and from what I heard on the bloggoshere, most viewers had to watch on pay TV. That is except here in Fance where the game was televised on normal terrestrial TV for free, a bizarre state of affairs. As was Wengers starting XI with Monreal at CB and Rosicky it appeared, as the lone striker. It took me a while to work out the set up, originally thinking that Kieran Gibbs was playing as a left winger.

First-Half

But we had Thierry Henry on the pitch and he nearly got the game off to a fairy tale start within 5 minutes when he ran clear of our defence and with his normal nonchalance, tried to curve the ball into the far post. Schezzers however, knew what was coming and managed to tip the ball away for a corner. Wright-Phillips nearly did the same thing a few seconds later. After this early flurry of chances, the game settled into a fairly mundane affair  with the Gunners struggling to keep shape and with no real goal threat apart from a good effort from Ramsey and on the 30th minute mark a good counter attack which was let down by a bad cross from Cazorla. Then a few minutes later, from a Henry corner, Wright-Phillips scrambled the ball into the net after some lax defending by the Arsenal. A few minutes before half-time Wilshere probably had the best chances, the first with just the keeper to beat and then with a good volley which he unluckily saw deflected wide.

Second Half

There were seven changes made at half-time, with Diaby and Akpom coming on. But the Gunners always seemed on the back foot, out of shape and struggling to control the game, often getting themselves into difficulty with poor passing and losing the ball. Thierry was substituted in the 53rd minute and for me, the game lost most of its interest. Diaby looked good and in the 55th minute he had the ball in the net, but he was adjudged to have been marginally off-side. It was a shame because he took it very well. There were another two substitutions at the obligatory 70 minutes, with Olsson and Toral coming on for Rosicky and Cazorla. But the game had lost any form of edge, and often drifted in midfield with short passes and a lack of creativity. There were just three moments of excitement in the last 12 minutes. Akpom got behind the Red Bull defence but with just the keeper to beat his first touch let him down. Then Martinez, our third choice keeper made an excellent save from close range and finally, Akpom tripped over his own feet and won a free- kick on the edge of the box. Replays showed it was not a dive. Ollson however, wasted the free-kick. Two minutes of added time saw nothing else of interest materialise.

Overall it was disappointing and I think it showed Arsénes frustration at being asked to make the trip purely on the basis of marketing and financial considerations. I think there was no benefit for the team in pre-season preparation except for a jolly to New York and the Puma promotions. It was however, great to see Thierry, majestic as ever, controlling most of the play for the Red Bulls and one piece of typical Henry magic in the opening minutes. But the best moment of the match for me came after the final whistle, seeing Henry and Diaby, hugging and having a laugh and a joke together. Priceless.

Right, time for a glass of wine and some spicy chorizo…… hope you enjoyed your visit. Until the next time.

à bientôt

GunnersoreArse, your glossy Sunday supplement. Every Sunday morning at 9am GMT.  The season starts in just two weeks, are my little SoreArses excited? And don’t forget, you can see my Arts supplement here: http://wp.me/p4PyIS-3

 

 

 

A drama of Fabreg-esque proportions: Betrayal and revenge.

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

It’s interesting that on the day Fabregas joined Chelsea, I published on my blog a piece about loyalty and betrayal, total coincidence I’m afraid.

So did the prodigal son betray the Father or did the Father reject the son? On the internet, it has caused a debate of epic proportions amongst Arsenal fans. There couldn’t have been a better scenario for those who want Wenger out and from what I’ve read, the situation has even tested the most loyal of Wenger supporters. Cesc was our darling, when he left for Barcelona, despite the circumstances, he was given a fond farewell. His extra-marital affair with the Catalans was accepted and forgiven, it was in his DNA everyone believed. His chorizo was definately Spanish. But nearly everyone was agreed, if he wanted to return to the Emirates, that wouldn’t be a problem, we would welcome him back.

But now, has he truly betrayed us? He once said something like, “I will never play for another Premier League team”. But now he has gone back on his word and started an affair  with Maureen………. that slut who runs a whorehouse for a Russian gangster in the backwoods of SW6. This infidelity is really testing the Gooners fondness for Fabregas. We will never know the whole truth, but from recent reports it would seem that Wenger rejected the chance to buy him back. But did Cesc then go to Maureen out of some form of revenge?  Or was it his only other option? Was it a stab in the back because his Father rejected him? He had other offers apparently, “I considered all the other offers very carefully and I firmly believe that Chelsea is the best choice,”  We can assume they were from Man United, Man City and maybe Liverpool, possibly a couple of larger european clubs as well. In the eyes of the fans, would any of those have been better? But ultimately he chose Maureen, the bitchy one who has been the most vehement critic against Cescs’ adoptive Father. The  crazy one who at every opportunity makes snide remarks about Wenger. Will Maureen now poison Cescs’ mind against his Father, will he be saying things like, “Wenger rejected you but I took you into my bed, I have faith in you, not Arsene, he’s a loser”.

Fabregas has now gone on to say he has something to prove in the Premier League. What could we read into that? Does he mean he would like to prove himself in a PL winning team, or is it more sinister? is it a threat against his Father Arsene Wenger. Does Cesc mean to stab him in the back in an act of footballing vengeance for rejecting him? I wonder if he really thought  Arséne would accept him back with open arms, saying that all is forgiven?

The most pain is obviously being felt by Arsenal fans, the feelings of betrayal by Fabregas and the anger against Wenger for not getting him back will continue well into the new season. What reactions can we expect when Fabregas first comes back to the Emirates in the blue shirt of Chelsea? Will he be welcomed home because we have fond memories of him in the Red and White or will the daggers be out? Visiting Chelsea fans are obviously going to taunt the home support and add fuel to the fire. Most Arsenal fans are now wishing and hoping that Cesc doesn’t repeat his Arsenal form at Chelsea, hoping that Maureens tactics will not suit him.

What is going through Cescs’ head at the moment we can only summise, is he thinking, “that son of a bitch Wenger, always told me he would welcome me home but when it came down to it, he went back on his word!”  What is going through Arsénes head, “I told him not to leave us in the first place so now he can go fuck himself!” Who knows, the mind has some strange ways of reacting to situations of betrayal. What we can be sure of, these thoughts are definately going through the minds of Arsenal supporters because it’s being blasted all over twitter and the blogosphere. This situation is not over by a long shot. The debate will continue to rage into next season and beyond. If Chelsea manage to win the league next season with Cescs’ help, just pipping the Gunners to first place, perhaps with a few goals or decisive passes by Fabregas against us, who knows what the reaction will be towards Wenger for not buying him back.

From my perspective, I hope it doesn’t pan out like that, I sincerely hope we win the league of course, but I would hope also that Cesc does well at Chelsea. It’s football, players have a choice where they play and who knows what incentives Chelsea offered him, perhaps far too much for Arsenal to compete. And furthermore, Wenger had the balance of the current team to consider. However, for many fans Arséne has now put himself clearly between the cross-hairs, failure to bring in the required reinforcements needed for next season and the backlash over the Cesc situation could be substantial and nasty. And furthermore, over the last two days there have been rumours that Santi wants to go back to Spain. If he leaves and the opportunity to get Cesc back was rejected by Wenger, the fallout could be huge. Personally, I think Cesc has made a huge mistake by going to Chelsea, I don’t think Maureen will be able to get Cescs chorizo cooking! I don’t think Cesc will be able to find Maureens ‘G’ spot! It won’t be long before a seperation is on the cards and the bitch will be throwing him out of the house and Fabregas will have to find another lover.

I go back to my last post about fan loyalty, I don’t think we can expect players to have the same passionate loyalty to a club as we do. Money and circumstances play a big role in a players career. Cesc has said, “They (Chelsea) have an amazing squad of players and an incredible manager. I am fully committed to this team and I can’t wait to start playing,”  We probably heard him say similar about the Arsenal and Wenger. He probably said it about Barca. I wonder if in the future, if Barcelona decide they want him back in Spain, would we then hear Fabregas saying once again, “Barca are in my blood, they are in my DNA and I want to go back home”. Players can be as fickle as the fans. It’s no different from infidelity and love affairs, you leave your spouse for someone else and a few months later your wife says to you, “I forgive you, I’ll have you back, please come home” and you do, you return. But for how long, because when your mistress phones you a couple of months after and says, “I love you, I want you, you’re the best lover I’ve ever had”……. you leave your wife again and return to your mistress. It’s human nature and the only difference for football players is they are not being offered sex and love, they are being offered millions of pounds.

 

Right, time for a glass of wine and some chorizo….. hope you enjoyed your visit. Until the next time.

à bientôt

Don’t forget, GunnersoreArse still goes out over the blogoshere every Sunday morning at 9am GMT. I had a slight blip this week, posting on Thursday….. but I’ve spoken with my psychiatrist and she has put me on some new medication, so I’m back to normal now.

 

Transfer rumours, Lust and ……………….. Betty Rubble

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

So here we are then, smooth as ever! My second blog post. I can hear Yogi now, “What a mug, he’s gone back for more”.

Posted nice and early this bright and sunny Sunday morning to allow certain ‘factions’ to battle it out for FIRST place. I’ve put Betty in the title because……. well, just because, and it meant I could use an image of her!

I wonder if the telephone lines at the Emirates have been busy this week? That £150m/£100m/£50m (depending on where you get your information) must be burning a hole in Arsènes pocket.  Six  briefcases full of used £50 notes are sitting on his desk, the minders look like Mike Tyson and Lenny McLean and the tea lady has been dusting them several times a day just in case  (not the minders….. the briefcases)

The executive jet is on the tarmac, fuelled and ready to go at a minutes notice. Actually, in Arsènes world, one of bargain basement purchases, it’s a single engine Cessna bought second hand at the Romford aerodrome annual sale.

Transfer rumours have linked us with several players over the past few weeks….. and if you were to believe what some pundits and journos have been saying, then next season the Arsenal will have Griezemam, Costa and Falcao ready to run amok in the Premier League. Fabregas will probably be bought as well, but only to be used in the League cup  and to cover for any injuries. Oh, the madness of the transfer season is upon us! Deep joy. I can imagine Arsenal supporters the world over, getting out of bed at silly o’clock every morning and before having their first cup of coffee or slice of chorizo, they browse the BBC Gossip pages on the internet to see who we’ve bought. I do that, so I can imagine a few others do as well.

Rumours, where do they come from and what purpose do they serve? Well, they generally increase and have more currency during times of uncertainty and doubt (replace “times of uncertainty and doubt” for: “Arsenals transfer window”) and then you get a good picture of what a lot of Gooners experience from late May to early September. We’ve all done it haven’t we…. come on, own up. A little bit of hope, a little bit of, “now he would be a Juicy Lucy signing, can we get him please Mr Wenger”, ..drool drool dribble dribble! Lust and desire emanating from every pore in your body. Wilfried ‘willy’ Boni takes on a whole new meaning! We get a hard on, well, the Goonerettes don’t, they have their own version. Wasn’t there a band called We..       ……….. ahh better not, that would lower the tone of the blog!

2014-05-24 16:21:09

So, returning to rumours, phew! Calm yourself Northbank, get a grip! Right, where was I, oh yeah, something horny, oh no, no, it was rumours, yes, rumours……..for football fans, they serve no actual useful purpose at all, not one incy, teeny weeny little bit. Oh ok, perhaps they do, because don’t we just love reading who we might get this summer. Fantasizing  and lusting over how the team might line up on the first day of the PL, how with those players there is no way we’re not gonna win the title, the CL and the FA Cup, slaughter every team we play against, Mourinho eat your f**king heart out….. that’s what rumours do to us, get us wound up and hopeful …….. but for what, just to be let down, feeling disappointed and frustrated come September. When I was younger we used to call some girls p***k teasers. That’s a transfer rumour, it gets you drooling at the mouth and all excited, a quick feel maybe, even a wet finger, but then it leads to nothing more substantial, leaving you unfulfilled, limp and dribbling into your own underwear.

Lust is an intense attraction to something you desire and is notorious for overriding common sense and intuition in the most sensible of people. It is an altered state of consciousness programmed by a primal urge. Studies have shown that the brain in this state is much like a brain on drugs. So now we can understand why our common sense disappears when we lust after possible transfer targets. No wonder it’s been coined on some blogs as ‘Transfer Porn’.

A rumour by definition is information yet to be proven true or false, it often ends with confirming or disproving facts. But you all knew that anyway, didn’t you? A substantial amount of incorrect data and exaggerated media coverage progresses with alacrity these days and thanks to the internet and twitter feeds, it is instantaneous. The creation and spread of rumours and misinformation, especially in the context of a moral panic, is a well known social process. TV and Radio pundits, sports journalists and blogs often construct explanations to fill in missing information and offer speculative rumours. These rumours then take on a life of their own. Just think back to when you used to play chinese whispers, some details get eliminated, other information becomes highlighted and all the while filtered through the participants selective personalities, biases and situations.

 We don’t know for sure who is spreading the questionable news and writing the twitter feeds, or what makes the experts on Talksport or the BBC so expert. To deal with rumours requires an assessment of the credentials and biases of those who are disseminating the information.  The press ultimately need to sell copy, or on the internet, get hits on their sites. They use rumours within the transfer market to lure you in, they don’t care whether the rumour has substance or not, it’s not in their interests to worry about that, they just need to fill the pages. And if they can’t fill the pages, then damn lies and misinformation will surffice. And we are the mugs who hang on to every word and hope that there may be some substance to the rumour. Getting sucked into the whole merry-go-round.

I know I’m an idiot to go through all the rumours about potential Arsenal signings, I know how the press manipulate us with incorrect and exaggerated data, I know I shouldn’t get caught up in the speculation and hope that we may buy some “super dooper mega footballing acrobatic genius who will score 50 goals in a season sort of bloke”. But like so many, I’m weak, I’m lustful, I’m hopeful and I want my team to have the best possible players available. Therefore, I will sadly continue peeking into the gossip columns despite my better judgement.

I do enjoy the excitement  of doing it though, but as a consequence, I’ll have to accept the let down and disappointment, just like I had to with the girls when I was 16 years old……. dribble dribble! Now where’s my clean underwear!

Right, time for a glass of wine and some chorizo………….. hope you enjoyed your visit. Until the next time.

à bientôt

Note from the management team:  Sunday mornings 9am GMT.  This will be the regular spot for GunnersoreArse. Make a note in your diary…. you know it makes sense.