Arsenals 3rd FA Cup trophy is still a target

Arsenal progress to the last sixteen after narrowly beating a good Burnley side. Goals from Chambers and Sanchez booked our place in the next round but despite dominating the game, it was a nervy last 20 minutes as the Clarets pushed for an equalizer.

A typical Cup tie, the game was contested at a frantic pace. Our second goal was one of beauty as we broke out of defence and with a quick passing (seven passes) counter attack the ball eventually arrived at the feet of Sanchez who calmly scored. It could have finished 3-1 when Burnley were in full attack mode near the end of the game and a break sent Walcott bombing forward with just the Burnley keeper to beat, but he fluffed his lines.

Wenger had made several changes to the side which lost to the Chavs, and Ozil and Ramsey were conspicuous by their absence. However, Coquelin, Chambers, Gibbs, Iwobi and the new boy, Elneny, all had good games, with special mention to Iwobi and the Egyptian. Iwobi was assured in midfield and his passing was accurate and precise. He really would be a better option than Walcott at the moment.

The Egyptian covered a lot of turf during the game, he seemed to be everywhere and showed that his fitness is similar to Sanchez. He tried a bit too hard at times but that’s understandable, he obviously wanted to make an impression on his debut and nearly did on a couple of occasions with shots from outside the box.

Elneny looks as if he will be a good addition to the team, in fact he looked as if he was made to wear the red and white, he definitely looked the part. The stats say he had the most touches of the ball than any other player (100), and had a 96% completion rate, which shows how he got involved in the game.

It was good to see Le Coq back in the side, in the first half he was clearly getting acclimatised to his first full match after a period injured, but in the second half his confidence became more assured and he had a good game.

So we go into the pot this evening for the last sixteen draw. There are still a few premiership sides which it would be good to avoid, the two Manchester clubs, Crystal Palace, Liverpool or West Ham, Watford, WBA, Everton and Chelsea if they both win today and of course, the wankers from N17.

We are number 3 in the draw…… and games to be played the weekend 19-22 February. Here is the full list for the last sixteen:

1 West Bromwich Albion or Peterborough United
2 Leeds United
3 Arsenal
4 Manchester United
5 Reading
6 Liverpool or West Ham United
7 Manchester City
8 Shrewsbury Town
9 Watford
10 Carlisle United or Everton
11 Crystal Palace
12 Blackburn Rovers
13 AFC Bournemouth
14 Tottenham Hotspur
15 Hull City
16 MK Dons or Chelsea
Just before I conclude todays report, another Arsenal player on loan, Akpom scored a hat-trick for Hull yesterday. Well done Chuba.

 

 

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Language problems could cause Arsenal FA Cup exit.

Four candles? Nah, Fork Handles…… Handles for Forks!

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

Why does Wenger have to be so honest? Why does he have to tell the media all his intimate thoughts? Why did he feel a need to tell the press that Paulista Gabriel could be a problem in our defence because he doesn’t understand a word of English?

If he plays in the back four today, surely Middlesborough will target an area where they know communication between our players could be a problem. Koscielny shouts to Gabriel (in his French broken English) “hey Gabby, get over to the left and take their centre forward”, and Gabriel moves backwards putting the whole ‘Boro forward line onside to score their first goal. Monreal shouts in his shaky English accent tinged with Spanish, ” Gabby, cover me, I’m going forward”, and Gabriel moves towards the right back instead and the left side is left uncovered and ‘Boro score their 2nd goal. The big Coq says to Gabriel in his Cockney French accent, “Gabby, stay back I’ll go up for the corner,  cover for me”, but instead Gabriel goes up for the corner as well, leaving the defence lacking in players when ‘Boro storm forward on the counter and score their 3rd goal. And so, Arsenal, the FA Cup holders go out of the cup because one player cannot understand a word of English.

If the FA Cup back line today is Chambers, Koscielny, Gabriel and Monreal, poor old Paulista will have to comprehend English spoken by an Englishman, a Frenchman and a Spaniard. I suppose Nacho could speak spanish to the Brazilian, or do they speak Portuguese in Brazil? And if at some point if the Big Fucking German has to come on and play alongside the Brazilian………Chaos and confusion!

Wenger has said that Gabriel’s poor English could cost his side goals.

“When you don’t speak English and you don’t understand ‘Come out, come back, right, left’, it is a problem for a defender,” Wenger said.

“You need to know the key words. Offside. Referee. Foul.” and he said further, “If you mix ‘going forwards’ with ‘going backwards’, it can cost you.”

Language barriers can be a source of confusion. Take it from me, having lived in another country with a different language for over fifteen years. Some embarrassing and awkward situations can arise, I’ve experienced it. However, could it cause problems in our defence? Furthermore, if the manager thinks it’s a problem and doesn’t put Gabriel in the side, how long will that be for? How long will it take the Brazilian to learn enough English to enable him to play without a communication breakdown?

Middlesborough are not going to be a push over. They are riding high in the Championship and are likely candidates to move into the Premiership next season. Do we really want to introduce a non- English speaking centre back into such an important game? A game that if we win propels us towards the final and retaining the FA Cup.

I wonder at what level he is currently? I assume he can say “yes” and “no”, and probably “Thank You” and “Please”. He may even have got to the serious level of, “I like you” and ” What’s your name?”. I’m sure Coq au Vin has taught him how to say, “Shut the fuck up”. And perhaps Giroud has taught him to roll on the floor with his arm in the air, shouting ” Ref… foul”. However, will he understand something shouted at him in the heat of the moment, in a period of sustained pressure and confusion?

“Paul Easter, get back you fucking idiot” (put in there French, German, Spanish, Chilean or English accent as appropriate) and barely audible with the Emirates crowd making a hell of a noise. He’ll have no chance.

I jest of course, I don’t think it will be problem at all. He’s a professional, he’s played at the highest level and he knows how to play at Centre Back.

What do you think? Should he play despite lacking the fundamentals of the English language? Is it a risk worth taking? Or am I just falando besteira?

OK , le temps pour un verre de vin et certains chorizo ​​épicé, j’espère que vous avez apprécié votre visite … jusqu’à la prochaine fois .

à bientôt

GunnersoreArse, an Arsenal Sunday supplement to out do all Sunday supplements. Struggling for readers and comments but never forgetting it’s obligations to keep Gooners informed and amused. In other words you bastards, I’m fucking trying.

The Hating Game…….

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

Today we have a guest post from Eddie. 

Who are the most hated teams in the English Premier League?

I would like to invite all football fans to vote for the most hated team in the English Premier League. Although the invitation is open to all I would like to point out that this is an Arsenal blog and we would like the visitors from N17 to behave with respect and those from SW6 to refrain from violence.

I read several articles on this subject and checked some polls and votes. Needless to say that the press is full of editorial errors placing Arsenal even above Tottenham in the Hate Tables, but we know we are and always will be the most loved club in the world. Those who don’t love us are of the jealous disposition.

The ‘hate’ results are predictably inconclusive and inconsistent.  Surprisingly though the top spots are not always occupied by one of the Top Four teams, ie Manchesters, Chelsea or Liverpool.  There are those who still hate Leeds and Portsmouth the most, strange if you ask me. So why do we hate some clubs more than others? Is it all about success, or a manager or proximity of the stadium? Manchester City are currently probably the best club in this country, yet nobody but the red Mancs hate them, why?

Maurinho has been mouthing again claiming that Chelsea are the new United and everybody loves to hate them. He is obnoxious enough to pass some of the hatred towards him, Jose Maurinho onto the whole club. Some pundits say that Jose is the next Ferguson, a genius amongst ordinary managers. I fail to understand what they are saying, but English is not my first language, so I suspect something is missing in translation.  It is true that I used to hate ManU and Fergie, especially when they were at their best, but that was sheer tribal rivalry. Today I hate Chelsea more than any other club, mainly because of Maurinho,  but John Terry, Abramovitch’s impact on the English League, Cole’s saga and Cech’s headgear do nothing to endear them to me.

I do not expect a reasonable and equitable response, but please try to justify your choice.

Thank you Eddie, something to get the ol’ vitriol flowing. Tin hats are available upon entry to the blog, not obligatory but highly recommended.

GunnersoreArse, publishing articles which other blogs refuse. The Charlie Hebdo of the Arsenal bloggosphere. JE SUIS GUNNERSOREARSE! Right, let’s get out of here sharpish and have a glass of wine. Where’s me tin hat 🙂

 

January sales and keeping our hands on the FA Cup.

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

Transfer porn month.

Well, back to normal after the festivities, which for me means carry on as normal. I’ve never been one for waiting till a particular moment in a year to celebrate as if there is no tomorrow. Why wait until a birthday or New Years Eve to get bolloxed and out of your fucking head when you have 365 days in the year to do the same. Plain stupidity is how I see it, and is influenced by big business and corporations who think only of profit. A retail shop or supermarket can earn 50% of its annual turn-over during the short Christmas and New Year period. Fucking madness but the world joins in regardless.

Which leads us nicely into the transfer window, one month for managers to rush around like headless chickens, trying to find the new expensive toy which will keep the children (fans) happy. Arsène Wenger is in his normal January position, injuries and a suspension forcing him into the market place where he could be at risk of buying a dummy like Kaelstrom. From the statistics I’ve just looked at we have Welbeck, Flamini, Ramsey, Ozil, Wilshere, Arteta, Bellerin, Gnabry and of course the glass man, Diaby all on the treatment table, having their egos massaged along with their thighs, calves and other muscles or tendons. Add to that list Giroud who is suspended and Podolski, who is injured but also abroad talking with another club, then we can imagine our French manager is already in the queue outside either Harrods or the Poundshop, depending on your viewpoint.

What is on the shelf in the shop then, something tasty and long-lasting or a short-term sweetener to keep the taste buds initially happy but ultimately, leaving you wanting more.

In the press and on the blogs there are the usual suspects being chucked around like the proverbial confetti, Edinson Cavani, William Carvalho and………. Winston Reid…. the list goes on. Will we get a player on short-term loan, or go for the longer stability of the team? Where are the most urgent needs in the team? And do we really need any new players? Wenger has to weigh all these things up before he commits to splashing the cash, which from some sources apparently, we have plenty to splash.

Add into the mix the other big clubs who will be in the queue as well, with their chequebooks open and negotiators on hand ready to beat us to the deal, then the whole process is a nightmare which will last a month, not just for our manager but for us as well, the fans. Oh what joy, all the usual blog shit and guesswork will rear its ugly head in a four week orgy of transfer porn and speculation. Enjoy.

Can we keep our grubby hands on the FA Cup?

Today it starts all over again for the Gunners, FA Cup 3rd round tie against the team we beat in last seasons final. Wenger said this week:

“We want another cup run and we want to, if possible, keep the trophy. We have won it five times in my period in charge, so that means we know the importance that it has,”

He also went on to say:

“What is for sure is that we have room for improvement and we have to manage to do that quickly.”

As we  found out at Wembley in May, Hull City are no push over. They will come to the Emirates with a plan and with the intention of leaving with a result. I’m not as confident as some, the Tigers beat Everton last week quite convincingly, whereby at Southampton we showed our defensive frailties once again. However, goalkeepers will probably be changed for the game against Hull, with Ospina coming in for Chezzers and hopefully, Theo will be ready for a full 90 minutes. But as with the defensive weaknesses last week, our forwards and midfield need to improve from that performance as well. Our shortcomings, excuse the pun, in attack was clearly evident against Southampton and how did we play, high balls into the opponents penalty area, where we had two 5’6″ players up against defenders all over 6′, it was painful to watch. Our passing fell to pieces and for a team that prides itself on its passing game, that is unforgivable. So as Mr Wenger says, “What is for sure is that we have room for improvement and we have to do that quickly.”

Understatement of the year after last weeks match and if those improvements aren’t made this week then I can see our grip on the FA Cup being grappled from our hands rather quickly. Enjoy the match where ever you may be watching, lets hope for a win but prepare for a defeat.

Right, time to continue with my New Year celebrations, still 362 days left, so a glass of wine and some spicy chorizo. Hope you enjoyed your visit…… until the next time.

à bientôt

The GunnersoreArse Sunday supplement, a haven of calm and tranquility and pictures of tits and arse, for those who like it that way. 

 

There’s only one Arsene Wenger……

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

What a topsy-turvy week it has been for Arsène. Last weekend, booed by a group of dickheads when he was boarding the train at Stoke, then yesterday, the supporters getting behind him and singing his name. The fickle nature of the football fan, eh! But what I think happened at the Newcastle game was a response to the numpties, they must have hated to hear that song being sung. Here’s Monsieur Wenger talking to the BBC post match:

“Our job is to win football games and when we don’t do it I understand when they’re not happy,” said Wenger.

“We lost, unfortunately, at Stoke and we feel guilty for that,” Wenger added. “But 99.9% it is people with full respect even when they’re not happy.

“I can take the 0.1%. Yes, of course, I’m thankful for the fans singing my name at the end of the match. It’s very nice to get support from the crowd.

“But the most important for me is to win football games and the best way to make our fans happy is to do that.”

Wenger clearly stating there that he thinks the boo boys are just 0.1% of the fan base. Which is probably close, but even with such a minority of shitbags, they are having a divisive effect. But the chanting of Wengers name sent a clear message and I was pleased to hear the verbal support for the manager.

It was a very satisfying win yesterday, Giroud and Santi back to goalscoring ways, the Ox having a great game in central midfield. Welbeck getting close on a couple of occasions and a disallowed goal which seemed legitimate to me and some of his movement off the ball was excellent. A makeshift defence which showed Debuchy as a very competent centre-back. Wenger has stated this week that if the whole team were fit, then there is no need to delve into the January transfer window. However, he balanced that by saying the Koscielny situation may mean he has to get someone in to cover. We can only wait to see what happens.

Two results this week which have gone some way to counter the negativity which arose after the Stoke game. Two games which have also shown how the team are starting to combine together and become the force which has been promised but as yet, not been achieved. Injuries have been our achilles heel but somehow, the manager has been able to juggle things around to keep us ticking over. I foresee a big shift over the next few games, moving up a gear and proving the detractors wrong. Liverpool away next week will be tough but a win at Anfield is not impossible if the boys can avoid the inconsistency shown against Stoke. Then QPR at home and a trip to Upton Park over the Christmas period, all are winnable.

So there we have it, my positive take on the current situation and recent results. All we can do is support the team and manager. And as Wenger states, he will make every effort to win games to keep us happy. What more should we expect?

Right, time for a glass of wine and some cheese, chorizo and baguette. Hope you enjoyed your visit…. till the next time.

à bientôt

GunnersoreArse, everything from football to floosies. The sanctuary for all sane Arsenal fans. Every Sunday morning at 9am GMT. Rated 18+.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Animals versus Angels: Match Report

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

What did we expect? It’s always the same at the home of the Orcs, intimidation, rotational fouling and rugby tackles. Ryan Shawcross had already set the scene when the Sun published his comments about “You are Gunner Get it”, so there we are then, we got it. Did the Stoke horror tactics influence the result? I don’t think so, not in the first half anyway, we were very poor, not just in defence but all over the field. In the second half we came back, but some poor referee decisions did influence the match. I’m not normally one to blame the refs, I generally take the stand that they even themselves out. But yesterday, some of the officials decisions were baffling. At this point I’ll just let some photos do the talking…………………

 

Charlie Adam grapples Sanchez to the ground

Former England striker Alan Shearer on MOTD: “If you go to Stoke you are going to have to roll your sleeves up, fight, scrap and battle. Arsenal did not do that. It was a shambles, embarrassing… whatever words you want to use. It was laughable. They’re are 3-0 down, it really was shambolic. Until Arsene improves Arsenal defensively they have no chance of winning the league. Having said that, I still think they will finish in the top four because that is what they do.

Peter Crouch did this on several occasions and went unpunished

Former Manchester United striker Andy Cole on Final Score: “To get 3-0 up at home against any team is good, but to do it against a top team like Arsenal? Stoke harassed them, they got stuck in. It should take more than that to knock a team off their stride at this level, but for some reason Arsenal cannot get over the problems they have at Stoke.”

Shearer and Cole are fucking idiots to think that how Stoke played was just ‘harassment’ or that a team has to, “fight, scrap and battle” against them and that is acceptable. I’m sure that if either Cole or Shearer were fouled and rugby tackled like that they would be the first complaining to the referee.

This next video really makes me fucking angry, is this an attempt to get the ball? Is it even what we class as football? No it isn’t, and how the officials didn’t punish Adam with a red card just beggars belief. If the FA don’t investigate the officials from yesterdays match then our beloved game is in a poor state.

In the end, I actually thoroughly enjoyed the game, but only the second half. It was thrilling and I really started to think that we could come back and win 4-3. But it wasn’t to be. Stoke broke up our play with there rotational fouling and time wasting, Chambers was unfairly punished with two very soft yellows and Crouch, Adam and Shawcross were not punished for a lot worse. Yesterday when the game finished I was on a high, excited by the ‘nearly’ comeback. We actually finished the last 4 or 5 minutes with just Mertesacker as our only defender on the pitch. However, today I am angry, angry at the officials, angry at the Stoke players for their bully tactics and angry at the FA for not doing more to stamp out the type of play we saw from Stoke yesterday.

Right, time for a glass of wine and some spicy chorizo. I need the hair of the dog because I went out after the game and got totally rat arsed. Suffering a bit this morning so apologise for a short post and probably some spelling and grammatical  errors. Until the next time

à bientôt

GunnersoreArse, even when pissed and hungover, the Sunday supplement is still published by the deadline. Every Sunday morming at 9am GMT.

The Silence of the Stans……

Welcome to the GunnersoreArse Blog. Being blogged 918.74 kilometers (in a straight line) from the Emirates Stadium.

Today we have a guest post from the Cockie Monster. Taken (nicked) from the comments section this week. It was so funny it had to be posted again.

I sit here looking out of my window watching my puppy run about outside with some of my naked Lesbanians………hold on a sec` !……..if my puppy is outside…….who the f**k is sniffing my arse and licking my balls ?………phew !….it`s OK…… I sat on the false teeth that the bastard VCC sent to me !, the shiny f**kers are smiling at me, they are however not as shiny as Terry Mancini Teeth Transplant`s ones !. F**k me, they are so bright, that an alien on a planet in the Caninus Testiclus Solar system in our galaxy looks up to the night sky and says ….”Daddy, isn`t that the brightest star in the Universe ? “…..”No Jabba, that is some Bastards f**king teeth from the Syrupus Minus System, just past where we sent a probe up to Uranus ! “.

Today bastards, I shall try and sit on the fence and be neutral in a look at the bastard Kroenke and give you an insight in to why he is a tight Khunt and why most importantly he has no vision and doesn’t see !.

Basically it all boils down to him being a slap head !. If truth be known, it`s not all his fault as he is just a victim like many, of the discrimination of syrups wearers and comb overs, which only recently ended with the newly introduced technology of transplants!
A brief history will give you some idea. First of all, it was all started by cave women, not cave men, who used to drag their men into the cave by their hair. Only the men with strong follicles survived baldness !. Since then throughout history, there has been documentation of the plight of the Comb overs and syrupers and also of the great explorers looking for cures etc`.
From the ancient Greeks we had Jason and the Argonauts in search of the Golden Syrup to the native Americans who were known to be the first makers of syrups with drive – through scalping. Wigwam`s were the first syrup factories and the word toupee comes from the word teepee, a place similar to a hairdressers where rugs were fitted.
In culture and art, there can be found references in the great writings, for example….”Friends, Romans and countrymen…lend me your hair !”…….”Toupee or not toupee….that is the question !”………  “Is this a dodgy syrup I see before me !” ……. “A syrup, a syrup, my Kingdom for a syrup !” ……. “Romeo…Romeo..what the f**k is that on your bonce !”

Now Silent Stan was determined to amass a fortune so he could find a cure for his slapheadness. It all ended in a tragic tale of jealousy and psychosis.
Kroenke had found a scientist who had made the worlds first hybrid symbiotic beaver syrup  (Castor Canadensis syrupacus)  It was like love at first site with a puppy, but it all ended badly once Stan married and the symbiotic beaver became jealous and one night it came to a head ( nice pun ! ) it slipped quietly off of Stans head and tried to suffocate Mrs Kroenke. The psychotic syrup was found guilty of attempted murder and sentenced to life at a State Mental Asylum.
Since then, Stan has only worn Syrups made from the worlds greatest toupee specialist….Terry of Bounds Green !.
I will now show a video of a song which I have had the words re-written by Rolf Harris`s less dodgy brother Rough Harris, by the way, I think the writing was on the wall for all to see regarding Rolf…I mean with songs like…. ” Tie me kangaroo down sport ” … “Two little boy`s ” and ” Blow on my didgeridoo young Bruce ” !.
So listen bastards, I will show the video and beneath it, there will be the new words to sing along to!

My wife don’t care that I`ve lost all my hair
It`s so shiny. I rub in some spermmmmmmm
The rug looks alive, made from my wife`s muff dive
It`s so natural it looks like a permmmmmmm.

Silent Stans golden
Symbiotic toupee
Silent Stans golden syrup
looks like a Beaver to me

I`ve got more shares, than a head full of hairs
I will keep them, I wont ever sellllllllllll
F**k all the fans, no trophies like St. Louis rams
Suck this Uzzy, you can f**k off to Hellllllll

Silent Stans golden
Best I`ve ever seen
Silent Stans golden syrup
From Terry of Bounds Green

Jabba is cheap, he`ll be killed in his sleep
He is so cold, he hasn`t a hearttttttttt
His cock is so small and glows like Chernobyl
I will sell it at my wife`s Walmarttttttttt

Silent Stans golden
A Beaver in disguise
Silent Stans golden syrup
Slips down over his eyes
Now his eyes cant see
That’s why he cant seeeeeeeeee

Thanks for that Cockie, very enlightening observations on Silent Stan.  

The GunnersoreArse Editorial team disclaimer: The author of the content that can be found here within can assure you, the reader, that any of the opinions expressed are his own and are a result of the maladjusted way in which his highly disorganized and somewhat dysfunctional mind interprets a particular situation and or concept. 

All legal claims and civil actions in relation to this article should be addressed to: The Cockie Monster, Cell 546, Broadmoor High Security Mental Hospital, Berkshire, England.

GunnersoreArse, the Arsenal Sunday supplement. The essential Sunday morning read, to enjoy with your Sunday tea and toast, every Sunday at 9am GMT. That is clear isn’t it……… every Sunday!